Can't stand the bad choices!

Forums:

I have a horrible SD16 who thankfully lives with her BM most of the year, but is supposed to visit during the summer. She has a 19Yyr old boyfriend who works at The Golden Arches and is not attending college. She pierced her own nose and belly button, her oh so responsible (sarcasim) BM is letting her get a tattoo with out even consulting DH. She sneaks out of BM's house and has gotten into trouble lots of times(drinking, smoking, mj). At one point her BM was so frustrated she almost sent her to us (but BM has always seen SD as $ so didn't)

I know a lot of teenagers go through rebellioS stupid stages, but I really used to like her, but now She has turned into a blech icky person. DH and I tried so hard to reach her (I have been with DH going on 7 years) but nothing gets through to her. We now have BD2 and another baby due in Nov. SD never, not once has called to talk To BD, wished her a happy birthday or Christmas. I am just sick of caring about somebody who doesn't care about our side of the family. I really don't want her to visit at all the next two years to save us the headache, heartache and money (she lives in a different state so it is either gas $ or plane $ to get her out here plus all her expenses while
visiting). Also the day she turns 18 cannot get here soon enough, I am having A party when her child support stops.

It feels good to vent and I hope I am not crazy for feeling this way.

I know this is going to sound

I know this is going to sound different from other advice you will get here but I do think she cares. She's a hormonal, rebellious, hurt teenager. I'm sure she wishes she had an intact family. I think you need to read up on disengaging. Meaning, you're not mean to these skids. Rather, you back off on what you do for them, tell them to ask Dad, don't remind them of anything, etc. I think sd needs space and your disengaging will help her and dh figure things out on their own, and figure out their own relationship. And I think she will come around and be ready for a more mature relationship with you as a friend on her own time if you disengage. It sounds as though she wasn't always like this, right?

You're not crazy, and you're not alone, either