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I have a question about child support and communicating financial financial help between husband and wife.

nevathotthizwudhappen7's picture

Submitted by nevathotthizwud... on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:11pm

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General Discussion

I understand that CS is to be used for rent, groceries, etc. My husband's child support agreement with his ex-girlfriend is supposed to cover those things and not extracurricular activities unless negotiated upon. We are strapped for money as is but now I found out that his ex is signing their daughter up for gymnastics that cost 220 dollars and he has agreed to pay for half. Now my question is, should he be telling me about any extra money he gives his ex? Whether it be for parties or sports or anything? Do I have a right to know or is he doing the right thing by keeping me out of it? If it was part of the CS agreement, I wouldn't be asking. Thanks in advance.

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:41pm

If it is going to leave YOUR family in a financial bind, then he should talk to you first. Him paying c.s. should be enough. Greedy BM's piss me off.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 5:39pm

I would think that gymnastics (or whatever extracurricular) is NOT a necessity...

And as far as your statement about how much CS is as to whether it should be enough.. uh, that's not the poster's problem. If the CS amount was determined by the court then that is that.

If I want extras for my kids, I WORK MORE. If I can't afford it, they can't do it. That's called "life"

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:55pm

I think husbands and wives should have open communication. Period. Just because this topic happens to be about a skid or child support doesnt mean it shouldnt be or doesnt have to be discussed.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 5:00pm

Our CO says that activities on either parent's time are at that parent's discretion AND that parent's financial responsibility.

This way she can't try to eat up our time with stuff she schedules him for, and we aren't obligated to fork over money everytime she wants to sign him up for something.

If we send him to camp or summer sports, WE pay for it.

Nuff said.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 5:25pm

Every couple handles their finances differently so there is no definite answer. It depends on how you and your husband have decided to deal with with money issues when it comes to the child. It doesn't sound like you have discussed it.

The only situation I would maybe accept not being consulted, would be if we had separate accounts and my husband was contributing his fair share into the household and for retirement, and we were not struggling. In that case, what he spends on his kids would not really be any of my business. I would still like to be informed, I mean we are going through life together. No woman wants her man giving another woman money behind her back, no matter who it is or what it's for. And, I also believe spouses should have open communication about all things.

If the extra money he spends on his daughter is affecting you and the household, I would say it's something that should be discussed first, before he says "yes".

It would be nice if these men were man enough to just say no when they know they cannot really afford it.

nevathotthizwudhappen7's picture

Submitted by nevathotthizwud... on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 5:40pm

I'm seeing responses from every which way. Let me state that this is not about a relationship issue. Some couples share everything, some don't. I've never been in this situation and would like to know what is acceptable and what isn't. I'm all for my husband supporting his child. I respect that but if he is handing over money that the bm doesn't necessarily need, especially when the cs is upwards of 1100 bucks a month... i think i have some say, even if it's a little right? This is strictly a financial issue. This woman is taking money where she can get it seems like. I respect her because she is my husband's daughter's mother... that's it. I do think we should go back over our financial boundaries from what you guys are saying... sigh... or maybe i just need to win the lotto.

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 5:40pm

Sorry HRNYC.....I wasn't meaning to generalize. I think I just assume that because my DH paid a hefty amount, that every non custodial parent does. My bad. Child support was always kind of a thorn in my ass when skids were growing up. Bad subject....I should not have even answered this question. Sad

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 5:42pm

Most courts state what CS is for, etc. ANY money that is used by either of you that affects your budget MUST be agreed upon. The only exception I would ever make is if we BOTH agreed that under 50USD or so, each of us could spend what we wanted...otherwise, sorry, but any major purchases or expenses should be discussed by the other party unless you have completely separate finances.