BM making appts on DH time
I think this topic has come up before but I want to know what everyone thinks.
The FSD I was talking about getting stitches, well, they need to be removed. We are going on vacation to a water park Monday night. Her set time to get them removed is Monday night.
FDH has primary physical custody, pays all medical bills and receives NOTHING from BM in CS.
So, it is her visitation week when the injury happened. We saw all the kids, BM and her boyfriend at the 10FSS baseball game Wed. Where FDH made a joke about removing the girl's stitches himself, which I quickly reasured FSD that even though Dad has taken his own stitches out many times, I would make an appt for Monday and she would have them taken out. Then BM piped up and said to FSD, "you WILL have a DOCTOR take them out NOT your dad."
FSD said back to me, "I'm sure it takes special tools to take them out that we don't have anyway." I responded to FSD, " Actually the packet that they use just has little scissors and tweezers in it, that's it. I used to take out stitches when I worked at the hospital."
ANd that was the entire interaction.
Now she texts FDH last night "Your daughter has an appt MOnday at 3:20pm at Dr. (Blank) office (which is the girl's pediatrician) to get her stitches out"
BUT BM MADE THE APPT ON FDH TIME....IN FACT WHEN FDH IS SUPPOSE TO BE AT WORK AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK
AND ALTHOUGH IT IS THE KIDS PEDIATRICIAN IT IS IN BM TOWN, AN HOUR DRIVE AWAY,...
I told FDH not to keep the appt. I was certainly not taking off work, and he could not take off work.
He looked stunned, "well she needs the stitches out, we leave on vacation that night."
I respond, "Are you really going to make your mom (implying I was not going to do it and she would be the only one POSSIBLY available) drive ALL the way to (BM town) to keep the appt BM made on your time without consulting you, to do a routine stitch removal??"
(There is a much bigger hospital, with much better reputation, down by us. Maybe a 10 min drive.)
BUT BM (by court order) is to be notified of all dr appts and allowed to attend if she wishes. So obviously SHE wants the appt in her town so she can see her daughter again and play supermom. And WILL not drive down to us if we change the appt.
SOOOOO,.... what do you guys think?
BM being a Mom, or BM trying ONCE AGAIN, to weasel her way into our lives and FDH time with the kids?
Isn't it rude to make routine dr. appt on the other parent's time and just TELL them to take the kids?? ESPECIALLY when this BM pays ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in medical bills.
My SKIDS BM has tried this on
My SKIDS BM has tried this on several times with us. We have just told her that if she wants to make appointments then do it on her own time. We will not be taking them to any appointments which we did not make during our time with the kids.
If you let her get away with it once she will continue to do it.
We also find that having this kind of conversation is best done via email as there is time to digest what has been said and we can take the time needed to decide whether a response is appropriate. We send the email then follow with a text saying that we have sent her an email! We normally recieve a very nasty response which we just ignore. On the plus side, there have been no appointments made on our time for 12 months which we haven't been the ones to arrange.
Don't go to the appointment.
Don't go to the appointment. If she absolutely HAS to have a doctor take them out, find an urgent care place near your home like FormerAAGirl said and go there.
Honestly, I would take them out myself (assuming it's not a very big cut). It's not a medical procedure of some epic proportions. In all my life, I have never returned to a doctor to have stitches removed.
BM just wants the control; don't let her have it.
Taking out stitches yourself
Taking out stitches yourself is a gray area that a crazy BM can make into a major drama and possibly have you back in court over. Not worth it. I would skip BM's appt. and go to an urgent care center or some walk-in clinic in your area and be done with it. This way BM won't have a valid complaint.
Yeah I agree. Better safe
Yeah I agree. Better safe than sorry.
Well... A Mom may not make
Well... A Mom may not make any issue at all. I have never paid someone to take stitches out of my kids. Their Dad on the other hand....
But again - I would leave this to Dad to deal with.
I think it's Dad's issue to
I think it's Dad's issue to deal with. I wouldn't even get involved.
I have no words of advise as
I have no words of advise as Bm has never done this but thanks for posting because these responses are awesome. I've often wondered what we would do if Bm tried this and always thought we would HAVE to take Ss to whatever she scheduled. This post was freakin helpful for the future.. *mental note taken*
UPDATE: What do you guys
UPDATE:
What do you guys think??
The kids came home from BM's and the kids brought up the appointment for stitches. FDH mentioned that it was rude that BM made an appointment on a day she didn't have them, for a time when FDH and I were at work.... THe kids said, "Oh Mom said she would take off work to take her to get the stitches out."
With gas being $4 a gallon and BM made the appointment at a place an hour drive away from the kids home at FDH house...
FDH said to me, "Hell if she told the kids she was going to miss work to drive an hour pick up the kid, drive an hour to take her to the appointment, drive another hour to bring her home, and drive another hour back to her place???? She must be rich! Let her do it."
This is what FDH is sending BM in email tonight:
"The kids said you volunteered to take off work to get (the girl) her stitches out. If this is true will you please confirm it for me instead of me hearing it through the kids.
If you are not volunteering to take her, I am going to change the appointment to be more convient for me, since you made the appointment without consulting me, at a time I will be at work."
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK????