The fact that the BF put in the court order "the father cannot be replaced and will always be the father"... says that he feels you are overstepping your bounds.

Even if you don't agree with this, this is how he feels, and the more you try to push the more he is going to push back. Even though you are the SD and are married to the girl's mother, legally you have no rights to this child.

I would avoid attending anything that only the parents would go to, such as parent teacher conferences, doctor appointments, etc. It should be okay to go to large, public events like a school play, or graduation.

It's great that you want to take an active role in your SD's life, however, she has a father already, and for whatever reason he feels his position as father is threatened.

You say that BF is verbally abusive to BM, has she ever tried to keep SD from him?

You can do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. I certainly have.

I have been Dad to my SS-20 since he was 1yo. His mom and I met when he was 15mos and married a week before he turned 2. We never forced him to call me Dad(dy). He just did.

I never missed a school event, parent teacher conference, sport event or any other major kid milestone or event. I went to doctor's appointments, coached his various teams,etc....

No matter how much bullshit his SPermIdiot and SpermClan spouted about how I was not the kid REAL dad the facts, truth and reality were and remain that I am his dad. I did not replace the SpermIdiot. He is still around and from the sounds of it your SD's BioDad is much like him. My son was regularly showered by the SpermClan with the toxic crap about how I was not his REAL dad, how his only dad was the DipShitIot and how my parents are not his real grandparents, etc, etc, etc...

Because of the behavior of the SpermCLan and their attempts to intimidate my wife I made sure that I was with my wife any time there was any interface with them. Whether in court, in person or on the telephone. I was there.

Even if an idiot bottom 10%er of the legal profession Judge says that your wife was immature for bringing you to a Doc appointment for your daughter, fuck-em. As for a lawyer saying that.... if it was your lawyer then fire their idiot ass and find one with half a brain. If it was the DipShitIot's attorney, so what?

What baffles me is how your wife is labeled immature when it is the XH that was hauled off in hand cuffs and under arrest for his behavior. That just confirms that far too often judges really do come from the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession. IMHO of course. The SpermIdiot insisting on putting the "the father cannot be replaced and will always be the father" comment in the court order just proves how pathetic he is. You can have a lot of fun with this one. Since being a parent/father is related little to nothing to genetics and is entirely action based this statement clearly applies to you and not to him. I would roll that out and rub his nose in it every opportunity he presents. As ridiculous as he is there will be many opportunities.

The sad thing is that your SD is saddled with this moron and the shallow and polluted end of her gene pool that he contributed. Fortunately she has her mom and a man/father of character, integrity, quality, devotion and maturity to help her overcome the sad fact of the toxic elements of her gene pool. She will be fine. My SS certainly was able to overcome the toxic influences of the SpermClan and is doing well.

If the XH is as abusive and insulting to your DW as you indicate then there is nowhere else more appropriate for you to be than with your DW any time there is the remotest possibility that the XH DipShitIot will be there. If your presence acts as the catalyst for him to lose control and get arrested, that is just a very enjoyable bonus and speaks only to his lack of character.

Being a StepDad is a double edged sword as far as your role, participation and rights are concerned. I have never heard of a CO that referred to a StepParent. Ours does not.

As for rights, you have none. At least non legally recognized or official. That frees you to take whatever rights you want to and do whatever you want until someone in authority tells you otherwise. By authority I mean a Judge and only a judge if an appellate court upholds their decision. I tolerate idiocy from no one when it comes to my family and that includes the decisions of bottom 10%er or the legal profession family law judges if I don't agree with them. If you happen to live in a jurisdiction where judges are elected try full page advertisements outlining the history of stupid decisions by the judge in question. I got our idiot judge's attention when I used that tactic when he got stupid regarding visitation with the statutory rapist, gangbanger wannabe SpermIdiot who spawned my kid. The fact that he was running for re-election was a bonus.

The good news is that having no official status gives you nearly unlimited leeway in how, when, where and to what extent you participate and no one can prevent you from doing it. So, I recommend doing as you wish in your role as husband and father to your wife and SD respectively.

If your presence and participation in YOUR family causes the BioDad to lose it then let the idiot implode and enjoy watching it while it happens. }:)

Have fun and relax.

All IMHO of course.

Sincerely,

I was never denied access to my Skid's school or parent teacher conferences. BioDad can complain but it will be extremely unlikely that anyone will listen to him at all much less try to remove you from the school.

You are there for your wife and YOUR stepdaughter.

I do not understand your thoughts that you you can't or shouldn't be at appointments specific to your SD. :? You most certainly can and I would argue that you should go to these appointments.

Of course with the EOW visitation schedule there will be situations where you and your DW not interefing will be critical. But if BioDad is one to not share medical issus then you and DW have to do whatever is necessary to stay envolved and informed. BioDad needs to learn that he keeps you informed or you are there. Period. If he communicates then he gets no interference in Skid medical appointments on his visitation time. The same of course applies to your DWs time. She keeps BioDad informed and he stays away during her/your time.

Sincerely,

Stay out of sight and sound when the bio-father is around. He will settle down once he sees you're not a threat.

Why push yourself into any place where the father doesn't want you to be present? If he's at the conference or whatever then her parents are there.

Stop trying to be the father - good or bad, pushy or irritating, the kids have a father.

If you think you're helping the kids you're not - their vocalized preferences aside. You don't get to vote on your parents and if you keep pushing you might get pushed back much harder than you wish to handle. You're wife has dealt with this guy all her married life - let her continue to do so - she's doing fine so far and make sure she understands that.

PS: This forum is mis-labled - step parents have no rights so don't think you can stand on them. You can be thrown out of anyplace you don't otherwise have a right to be but why in heavens name would you want to push things that far?