Dealing with the Bio Mom
So I really like my step daughters bio mom. We have been a VERY blended family over the years sharing holidays, vacations, and family events with both families together. Recently she has confided that she is in an abusive realationship. My husband had to file a PFA for my step child. Long story short, the mom is leaving the abuser and moving on her own. She has a nasty habbit now of consuming my husband and therfor my time. Lately our lives are all about her. Worst of all is now my bio daughter gets left out in the cold because there isnt enough time for her from my husband (her step dad). I am tired of the relentless texts and endless phone calls and the need for my husband to resuce her. I'm sure i jsut need a good dose of suck it up but I can't even discuss my feelings with my husband. He just fights with me about it and accuses me of not being supportive. Any advice? I am feeling really left out and alone.
No advice - sorry. Just
No advice - sorry. Just thinking for f's sake. When does this
BM shit end.
When "helping out" and being
When "helping out" and being an emotional support for the ex-spouse starts infringing on you and your family, it really is time to say something.
Of course DH is going to fire it all back on you... I understand that he wants to make sure his DD is in a safe environment, but he also needs to make it clear to the BM that she needs to stand on her own.
The analogy I use is from a lesson I learned when training to be a lifeguard... there are times the person you are trying to save will, in their panic and helplessness, take you down too. When that happens, you extricate yourself from their grip. You don't leave them, but you DO stay at arms length because if you don't two will drown instead of one.
Is this what your DH wants to happen?
Great analogy. Funny he was
Great analogy. Funny he was a life gurad! LOL! I want both my SD and her mom to be safe and happy and healthy. I just want her to stand on her own! I have always been willing to lend an ear and be supportive, but man I need a break!
Since he used to be a
Since he used to be a lifeguard, then he should know what I mean.
Ask him -- as a lifeguard, if BM was drowning and he was trying to save her, but she kept grabbing onto him and pulling him down with her, what should/would he do? Would he allow himself to get mired in her panic, or pull away?
Let him stew on it. Because honestly, don't let him tell you "this is different" -- it isn't. Her crises and drama will be like a sumo wrestler who can't swim and she'll end up taking him down in the end.
It helps to at least vent a
It helps to at least vent a little. Just very complicated and I am tired.
When the interactions with
When the interactions with the ex start to negatively impact it's time to back away. she is going to have to learn to function ON HER OWN. Molly coddling isn't going to help anyone least of all your marriage.