None of my friends are Stepmoms

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They are all biomoms in happy 2 parent households and one is a single mom, 2 kids, with a so far amicable split from her DH. (neither parent is dating anyone serious)

One of my girlfriends is single, no kids and was (is) a step daughter. She HATED her stepmom- it was a drama filled situation. Her father left her mother for this woman, so I can understand the animosity. I met DH 9yrs after his split, they were never married.

I get nods and understanding from the moms, but the POV is skewed to them being BM's. That said- they understand that my DH's ex is a fresh kind of hell, and has manipulated the behavior of SD13.

My gf who was (is) a skid, however, had a really negative response to what has been happening in my life recently. (BM harassed me, cops called, SD13 hates me and has been told I lied to police and I want her in jail)

Moving forward, DH will visit with his daughter outside of our home. His parents are nearby, and other family, so its not like they have to go to a coffeeshop or something. One reason is because SD wants nothing to do with me- so ok. The other reason is because DH and I know that BM is NUTS enough to make something up about me. I refuse to put myself in that situation. BM grills SD about everything and she will find something to twist.

My girlfriend really seemed to take offense that I don't want the kid over and that my DH has to go elsewhere- she was very judgmental that my DH was putting my well being over visits in our house from a kid that could inadvertently say something that BM could use against me.

Lets be clear- he can see skid whenever he wants- just not with me.

I guess I'm just wondering if this has happened to any of you? and how do you handle it without getting into some big argument?

Don't talk to your GF about

Don't talk to your GF about it. Noone will ever really understand unless they are in your shoes. I don't blame you one bit and hope this set up works for everyone.

^^^^ This. Some parts of your

^^^^ This. Some parts of your life you just have to keep away from people.

I agree with the above

I agree with the above poster. Your GF probably has no clue what she is talking about! Sounds like you are doing the best you can.

None of my friends have

None of my friends have skids. And I have a different positive view of skids from my first marriage--all good & I keep them away from my step hell problems.

But my friends are appalled when they witness skid being a disrespectful ass to me to the point that they hope he's not around when we have dinner at my place & are sickened by the stories of BM---even my friend that's a children's social worker--but she gets & supports my disengaging routine. DH's family don't have skids & they give the worse advice ever to help DH out. The only one I can turn to is this site & my former MIL.

But it does suck not being able to converse freely out there because people will just look at you as if they can do a better job.

I empathize and understand

I empathize and understand fully. I just wish when I was asked on this board why I am in this situation that I took the time to reflect. Please, ask yourself and reflect as to why you are in this situation with this man? You are getting warning signs here - pay attention.

I'm not sure what you

I'm not sure what you mean.

Warning signs for me would be that my DH didn't take the behaviour of BM seriously. He takes it very seriously.

Another warning sign would be if he let a 13yr old rule our house- she doesn't. I think a warning sign would be if he asked me to leave so he could visit his daughter.

None of these are happening.

I have been in a similar

I have been in a similar situation. Please, be careful and protect yourself. You never know how your DH will be manipulated and turn around on you in a month or two or in 6 months. Please, take care of you.There is lots of pressure he will face from his family , BM, his daughter, public opinion etc. Do not allow to be scapegoated- and look after your best interest. I understand and wish I did not! Pray , meditate or do whatever might help you to get through this time. I empathize- get close to family and friends. You need full support and lots of friends.

Fair enough... Thank you for

Fair enough...

Thank you for the heads up. Hss daughter is very manipulative and he has been guilty of coddling her.

Thank you.

What is happening to you

What is happening to you sounds very familiar to what happened to me and I was too naive to think that my ex fiancee will look after our best interest and will protect me. When he was pressured he scapegoated me and it was downhill from there. What was done to you will be forgotten and the blame game and pressure will start in the coming months. You will be the one that did not care about his child etc , etc etc. I know this so well and I wish I did not. Please, do not allow this to happen to you. Protect yourself, save yourself the trauma and surround yourself with loving, caring people. You need all the support and care of loving people around you. I understand so so well and I hope your DH has a good head on his shoulders and will navigate this difficult situation in a mature, respectful , caring and loving way. In the meantime- love yourself and respect yourself!Take care of you!

It's more like the Bratty

It's more like the Bratty Bunch.

It is very very frustrating!

It is very very frustrating! One of my sisters is a stepmom, she totally gets it.The other one thinks that my sis and I were the ones who should try harder with the step daughters.She has no idea....People think very much that you are the adult and should suck it all up in order to make sure the skids are happy and fine.There is hardly any compassion for stepmoms in the society and people like your friend make it all worse.I speak only very carefully about my situation at home to others.Only when I feel there is a bit of understanding I will eventually share a bit more.I had it a few times that people I love and appreciate said to me when I wanted to share how I felt things like:"OOOh, please , she is only your SO's little girl!!" or:"YOu need to understand that he just loves his daughter...etc".Blabla, they had no idea about how that princess pulled the strings and manipulated her dad to be treated like an adult.Still it hurt and I didnt say a word after.

Oh here's the best one SIL

Oh here's the best one SIL told me, "But he had no real love, so you HAVE to be even more ACCEPTING of his behavior" WHAT?!!! Let's see how accepting she'd be in a few years when her 13 year old calls her a C.U.Next.Tuesday & has the occasional $20 bill missing from her purse. This is the same woman that would cry for days if she didn't get a mother's day card.