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Advice please

proudstepmommy's picture

Submitted by proudstepmommy on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 9:40pm

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So... Earlier today I went and picked up SD at her BMs for our weekend (mind you we get her every weekend bc BM usually does not want her around, so she allows us to get her).., anyhow when i picked her up SDs stepdad informs me that next weekend they are going to go see BMs family for a bday party for a cousin (that SD doesn't even know)... Normally this would be ok... But DHs bday is also that weekend.

When I got home I asked him if BM had notified him of this trip and he said no, and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was/is extremely hurt.

SD does not want to go on the trip... And is upset about it too.

DH is hesitant to say anything to BM because he knows if he does she will begin to enforce the CO of every other weekend just to make him pay (she has done this in the past with her first husband with her older children).

I am just so angry with BM right now! Do I say anything to her? Or do I let DH handle it (or not).

I just hate seeing him hurt like this.

I've told him he needs to say something to his ex but he just shrugs... What do I do????

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

Submitted by Great Mom but h... on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 9:55pm

I'd let it go. You have the child almost every weekend and there are no complaints from either side about this. They have something planned for next weekend and whether or not your SD says she wants to go, they, as a family, are going. If you say anything about it I would imagine she would see it as you 'starting' something'.

Your husband can have an early or a late b-day celebration with his daughter. It's no biggie, imho.

proudstepmommy's picture

Submitted by proudstepmommy on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 10:22pm

Thanks everyone for the quick replies and advice... Letting it go is a good idea,but I do agree with runningonempty I do think there is something fishy about it.

DH is going to ask BM to see if we can't get her one night this week to celebrate his bday (just dinner and then take her back to BM...

krazykaty's picture

Submitted by krazykaty on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 10:38pm

I see nothing wrong with a quick, "Stepdad mentioned you were going to cousin's bday party next weekend. It's also DH's bday. Isthere anyway SD could stay with us?" ESPECIALLY if it comes from DH. If BM starts to throw a fit toss in a "No biggie. We can celebrate another time."

iamleann's picture

Submitted by iamleann on Sat, 04/20/2013 - 8:25am

How old is SD ? Is she old enough to speak up for herself and tell BM where she wants to be that weekend ??

proudstepmommy's picture

Submitted by proudstepmommy on Sun, 04/21/2013 - 4:12pm

Thank you everyone for the advice...

Krazykaty- DH spoke with BM... She claims that she "forgot" it was his bday and said we could have her this coming weekend after all. We do have plans for his bday, the whole family is getting together for dinner.

Lovemystep- thank you. I spoke to DH about the "parental alienation"... And while that could be something BM is doing... We're not gonna let it happen (if at all possible)

Echo- I just happened to pick up SD on my way home from work (easier that way, plus I get off work earlier than DH)... BM was not there ( she was still at work) which is why my SDs stepdad mentioned it. Usually my DH and his ex communicate everything either via email or text (so it is in writing)... Just didn't happen in this case. The CO says DH gets SD every other weekend... However BM has said that she loves that we are willing to take SD every weekend so that she doesn't have to deal with her (she's said this to me and my DH). The CO says that each parent gets SD on their respective bdays.

Iamleann- SD is 10

proudstepmommy's picture

Submitted by proudstepmommy on Sun, 04/21/2013 - 10:22pm

Thank you lovemystep... I'll do what I can. I'm so sorry for what you went through, that's just not right. Like I said, I hope this is not the case with us, but you're probably right. Just wrong to think that a BM who would treat her child so callously growing up could at the drop of a hat do that to a SM and DH (*note* not blaming SD at all... Just BM).