Family shopping day.. How do you handle it?
So my boyfriend of a year. His daughter 9, and his ex/bm are having a family morning. They had breakfast, bf gave the ex something she had at his place and now they are all out shopping together... And I'm sitting here wanting to puke my guts out. She's still In love with him( wears his sweators and told him he broke her heart after I posted Picts of our vacation together after she asked me not to post them cause shes friends with him on fb..the drama) anyways. I'm waiting for him to get home so that I can see him ( was supposed to be our day together but she gets priority before me).
So I want to know how does everyone deal with it? Knowing that they are having their twisted family time together. Iv already spent 2hours at the gym and now I'm getting frustrated waiting around.
Any tips?
Wait a minute....hold the
Wait a minute....hold the phone...why on EARTH are you with a man that would GO OUT and have "family shopping days" that INCLUDE his EX in the first place???
I am not trying to judge you or anything so please don't think that, I am just in utter shock that you would even put up with that complete bs...BUT honestly I don't know a woman alive that would be OK with THEIR man doing ANYTHING with another women, kids together or not and especially one that STILL carries a torch for their man!
You are his gf, there is NO REASON OR EXCUSE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH why bf/bm should EVER be doing this shit! They are NOT together anymore. They are EX'S for a reason! Ex's don't or rather shouldn't do that for so many reasons. And because they have a child together that child could get or have false hope that mommy and daddy might/will get back together and THAT is not fair to the child and especially YOU!!! This IMHO is sick, twisted, disrespectful and unfair TO YOU! You deserve to be with a man that will put YOU first and you are PRIORITY #1 to them not their EX.
I personally would rethink this relationship if I were in your shoes...you are being completely disrespected and used!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS 100% DH and
^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS 100%
DH and BM and SD had a "family meeting" shortly after he and I started dating. I said "what is a family meeting amongst people who are NOT family anymore?"
Had he not put his foot down and set boundaries with both SD and BM, I never would've stuck around.
To me, your boyfriend has his cake and eating it too. He has you to fulfill all his girlfriend needs and he has BM to be a "family" with...NOT acceptable.
I'd be having a come to Jesus meeting with him now and telling him you're not going to tolerate this. He needs clear boundaries and needs to stick to them or you should be history.
YES!!! ^^THIS^^ 100%. This is
YES!!! ^^THIS^^ 100%. This is TOTALLY TWISTED, WRONG, UNACCEPTABLE, and VERY DISRESPECTFUL to you! This would cause me to lose my freaking mind!! No way in hell should this be occurring, whether he is single, in a relationship, remarried, whatever. He is NOT a family with HER anymore and he should not be participating in anything with her. PERIOD. The fact that he does this to you, WOW, what a fool. Sorry, but I cant imagine any man not knowing how screwed up this is and how devastating it would be to his new girlfriend. Do not let this continue if you value your sanity or relationship.
I completely agree and he
I completely agree and he knows I hate it but he keeps saying that they should be friends for the kids sake. And if I go over acting all grumpy because of it he gets pissed off and tells me I don't understand
Don't buy that bs for one
Don't buy that bs for one second froggy! HE is the one that doesn't understand how the whole EX'S thing works not you! Ex's that have kids together should be CIVIL not BFF! When I say civil I mean communicate KID RELATED ONLY and nothing more.
I am not friends with my Ex at all. We only communicate via text when/if it has to do with CS as he is not involved in our sons life. There is NO REASON why they EVER need to go out shopping together etc. they both need to be acting as if they are single parents, meaning take care of their child without the help or interference of the other parent while the child is with the other parent.
He is in the wrong here....stand up for yourself and TELL him what you will and won't put up with. PERIOD.
Again, ^^THIS!!^^
Again, ^^THIS!!^^
I agree they need to be civil
I agree they need to be civil but kid related only. DH would hang out with his XW over my dead body. Actually in our 5 years we've needed one face to face get together with BM. I was there as I am his family, not her. Absolutely unacceptable!
Once they divorced, they were
Once they divorced, they were NO LONGER a family. They should absolutely not be hanging out together like they are. It's extremely disrespectful to you and it's confusing for the child and giving her false hope.
IMHO, this is one of those rare occasions where I'd demand an ultimatum. Which wife does he want? He sure as Hell can't have both.
"Playing nice for the sake of the kid" is only going to give the kid false hope that her parents will get back together.
Geez, the more I type the more pissed off I am for you. I was in your situation once, and I walked. I don't regret it for a second.
My DH is NOT ALLOWED TO DATE.
My DH is NOT ALLOWED TO DATE. Especially one of his exes. I don't know anyone in a happy marriage that allows their SO to date his exes.
Your DH is being a total selfish ass.
^^^EXACTLY^^^ If he is with
^^^EXACTLY^^^
If he is with you then he is with ONLY YOU!!! BM is the PAST!!! He needs to keep her there or stay single...because nobody should be having their "cake and eating it too" when it comes to relationships!!!
If he's not willing to cut
If he's not willing to cut the "friendly" ties with BM, he's not ready for a new relationship.
Parents can be cordial and co-parent effectively without hanging out together as some sort of faux-family unit. It's confusing to the kid and disrespectful to you.
If he can't see that, he needs to be single for a while and learn how to set and accept reasonable boundaries.
He didn't like the fact that
He didn't like the fact that BM and SD were trying to rule him even after the ink on the divorce papers were dry but he didn't want to piss them off out of fear.
Me walking taught him that he really does value being in a good relationship and that he owes BM NOTHING and SD14 is a CHILD who has NO say so in what DH does with his life.
I'm at my house waiting. This
I'm at my house waiting. This blows because he doesn't like to text me infront of her because he dosnt want to piss her off cause the he wants the house put In his name in the fall. And when I ask him to cut ties or not make her happy i get yelled at about how I want him to loose his home! Ha! If he ever wants to live with me he will have to get a new house anyways cause I'm not living where she did
Jokes on him!
Froggy - I'm gunna shoot
Froggy -
I'm gunna shoot straight from the hip here...You are in an abusive relationship...big time! He treats you like dogshit and expects you to just suck it up and deal with HIS bullshit and he doesn't want to PISS HIS EX OFF???? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT HER WIDDLE FEELINGS BEING HURT!!! YOU are the #1 lady in his life...well...at least you should be!!!
I'm sure you love him to pieces and all but in all reality the "JOKE" is on you! Because he is playing YOU like a fiddle while he does his "thing" with bm....
YOU are being used, taken for granted, and exploited! DON'T STAND FOR IT! When he comes home...TELL HIM WHAT THE FUCK IS UP...AND HAVE A SUITCASE READY!!!!
I'm at my house waiting. This
I'm at my house waiting. This blows because he doesn't like to text me infront of her because he dosnt want to piss her off cause the he wants the house put In his name in the fall. And when I ask him to cut ties or not make her happy i get yelled at about how I want him to loose his home! Ha! If he ever wants to live with me he will have to get a new house anyways cause I'm not living where she did
Jokes on him!
So I want to know how does
So I want to know how does everyone deal with it?
I absolutely never would have put up with this.
Any tips?
Find a new BF.
I can't figure out if DH is
I can't figure out if DH is dating you or BM.
It has been a year. Time for him to cut the cord.
Yes!!! Gaslighting big time.
Yes!!! Gaslighting big time. He sounds very manipulative and selfish. He wants a girlfriend but wants to be a family with his ex wife and puts her feelings first. He cares more about her than the woman he IS in a relationship with, if you can call it that. He knows what he is doing to you. She DAMN well knows what this is doing to you, is loving every minute of it, and he is letting it continue in spite of how you feel. This is just absolute craziness. He gets defensive because he knows he is wrong and tries to reshift the focus back on to you being in the wrong, when you most certainly are NOT!!
I don't mean to sound,
I don't mean to sound, well...mean. Your man is still banging her.
That's it. Anything he tells you, is smoke & mirrors.
Get out NOW.
The worst part is that you KNOW he is banging her don't you?
Not texting YOU in front of HER because SHE will get upset?
Yeah, that is not only a red flag, that is TEXTBOOK he's fucking the EX and SHE is laughing at you.
"he dosnt want to piss her
"he dosnt want to piss her off cause the he wants the house put In his name in the fall. And when I ask him to cut ties or not make her happy i get yelled at about how I want him to loose his home!"
She has no control over whether or not he gets the house. That SHOULD have been settled by the divorce decree. If both of their names are on the house, the house will have to refinanced under one person's name - whomever gets the house per divorce decree OR they have to sell the house. Being nice to BM has no bearing whatsoever on who gets the house.
When I got divorced, it was spelled out in the court order who got occupancy of the house, how long ex had to refinance it under his name, if it wasn't refinanced then when it was supposed to be put on the market for sale.
Sounds like BF is taking advantage of your lack of knowledge about divorce.
These posters are right. I
These posters are right. I would text him right now and tell him not to bother coming over. Hes going to try to convince you not to leave him. Dont fall for it.
I would dump him right this minute. You've tried to address this issue with him and he won't budge. I know you may not realize it, but your BF is emotionally abusing you. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical. He's not going to change.
I would try to a avoid him, block his texts and calls and just forget him. You're not going to get anywhere with him.
I've been in a similar relationship and my self esteem was so low I didn't realize how badly he was treating me. My ex-bf from day one made it clear that BM ranked above me. These types of men are toxic.
If you have trouble ending things with him, and need advice on how best to handle this, I hope you'll continue to seek advice and support here.
I do not recommend you ever move in with him. And thank God you're not married to him.
Thank goodness he is your BF.
Thank goodness he is your BF. You can end this when your ready. If he is doing this now, I would not expect it to change with a marriage certificate. This is not cool.
Are you used to dating
Are you used to dating married men? Is that why you are so willing to settle for a crumb or two?
When I read this one
When I read this one originally I actually read it to OH and asked what he thought...
LMAO - he was like "no fucking way!"
If BM tried this on he would ask her what the kids needed and then tell her he would take them himself on his weekend to buy blah blah blah (roughly half of the list) and she could get the rest for them on her time.
Sometimes I do love the man.