Question. Can his ex really still use his name? She never took it!

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So. My fiance was married to a crazy. She is overly obsessed with him. Blames me for their divorce when I wasn't even in contact with him when He filed. It took over 2 years for him to get the divorce cause she contested it over and over and even got prego by someone else and made it take longer cause he had to wait for her to have the baby before they would proceed with it cause she claimed it was his (and it wasnt) They have a 3 year old together, he left her, found out she was prego, went back till she had the baby so he could help her while she was prego, and then when the baby was 3 months old he filed for divorce Then we got back together( we dated in high school and were each other's 1st bf/gf in 5th grade) I have gone through the whole ordeal with him and the hardest part was she said that other baby was his. thank god he wasn't. she is a liar and will do anything to break us up. she still says he will go back it will just take time. She tells my stepchild I am mean and to be bad for me when we get her. And she cries the entire time we have her. She tells her that daddy loves her more than our daughter we have together and my son whom he will adopt.( his father had nothing at all to do with him and is deceased now, he never knew him) She tells their daughter that daddy loves her(the ex) not me!! But anyway, she never legally changed her name at all when they got married. but used his last name when signing things and stuff. She gave the baby she had his name as well. Can she really keep using his name if she never legally took it in the first place??? Her DL has her last name from birth. And I am going to be his wife now, not her, so I don't want to share his last name with her. Is that wrong??? She still says she is his wife. And calls and if I answers says "let me talk to MY husband" with an attitude.

I know she does it to get to

I know she does it to get to me. She does anything to get to me. She is stuck on him, won't let him go and hates me because I have him. It just sucks to hear her say that she is Mrs.____. I am Mrs.____ now. The only legal documents I have seen her sign with his last name is the divorce papers and custody papers, she has it as her last name on her foodstamps and medicaid. But she signs CS receipts, letters, and general stuff like that with it. Maybe she will find someone, get remarried and take his last name. Then it wouldn't bug me. I feel bad, like I shouldn't care if she uses it but I do. I despise this girl. She makes me out as a horrid human being, saying I have no concern for others feelings cause I was with a married man. Yes, they were still married but separated and the divorce was in motion. It may be wrong but it was worth it for me. We have been happy and I wouldn't want to wait years for it to be over to be with him. But she REALLY thinks he will go back to her, she tells him "you know you will, you did before" At least she does date other guys, even if it is for the money. They all leave her cause she won't leave my fiance alone. And has pictures of when they were together all over the place. I can understand having some for her daughter but not every picture on the wall being just them two. IDK. Maybe I overreact. I am just so frustrated.

Echo.. Hands down.. you are

Echo.. Hands down.. you are my idol.

"Bitch, please" Love, love,

"Bitch, please" Love, love, love it!! }:)

In order to change your name

In order to change your name legally there has to be a marriage! When you divorce you have to ask the courts if you can keep the name other wise legally goes to madien again automatically. If she asked to speak to her husband I would say who did you need to speak with and if she says his name I would say IS HE YOUR HUSBAND? THEN I would say I do believe he told me you were divorced that would make him your ex husband mama.

In order to change your name

It's just a name. But if

It's just a name.

But if anyone calls my home and asks for their husband I would immediately hang up. The man who lives in this house is nobody's husband but mine.

I knew that she had the right

I knew that she had the right to keep his name even after they were divorced. But I just wasn't sure if she could still use it when she never changed it at Social Security or the DMV and wherever else when they were married. Cause thats the name she uses on foodstamps, medicaid, credit apps, hospital papers( my fiance is getting bills and calls from collection agencies from recent hospital visits for her.), etc. I am not sure about jobs though because she refuses to get one. Oh, and can she get alimony if they were only married for 1 1/2 years. He was in the military and gone most of the time so she lived how she wanted to(at her moms) and treated herself to what she wanted on his credit cards and bank account while he was gone(still trying to recover from that debt). Cause she is trying to file for it.

Good luck with that one. How

Good luck with that one. How long as their divorce been finalized? I highly doubt any judge awarding alimony for such a short marriage.

a name must be changed with

a name must be changed with social security by using a legal copy of a marriage cert if she didnt do that its not her name. No other changes can be made until that is done. Like I said before if she did this and got divorced it automatically goes back unless she request to keep it. I did with my first husband because I had three kids same name. When I remarried took my new hubands name no one dmv bank etc would touch me until I had a ssn name change.

I'm sorry, but you are

I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. It does NOT automatically revert to the maiden name. Suppose a couple have been married for 30+ years and then divorce. Why should the woman have to give up the name she has used for a lifetime? That's just silly.

Again - I doubt the name in question is so incredibly unusual that no one else in the world has it. Good heavens, I have a very unusual last name, yet there are others with it - and they are not related to me.

This really is not a hill to die on.

I just got divorced was

I just got divorced was married 30 yr I Had to ask the court to keep the marrried name you are wrong!

Has it occurred to you that

Has it occurred to you that this may be a state-specific issue?

Our judge made it clear to

Our judge made it clear to the ex that it was solely my choice. But then... his last name wasn't his real one, anyway.

in my state it had to be

in my state it had to be written into the decree, and then u gotta do all the legwork changing it back w/ SS office first by showing them the decree, then after getting your new SS card, using that AND the decree to get your ID/Lic changed, and THEN changing name on all your accounts, etc... it was a lot of work... but TOTALLY worth it. for some reason i was given a much harder time by certain agencies to go back to my maiden name (sometimes STILL have ex's name pop up from time to time- ugh) but had no problem at all taking DH's name.

You should get your fiance to

You should get your fiance to take your last name. Boy, that would piss her off!

Hello get married

My husband had this same

My husband had this same problem with his ex. She would use her maiden name, his name, her second husband's name, change her first name, etc. At some point, in her case, it became criminal. It was actually part of his divorce (a separate motion)and I believe it was called a "Notification of Name Change Hearing" or something like that. I will assume that rules like this are state dependent.

>She is overly obsessed with

>She is overly obsessed with him.<

Urm...I would exercise caution. Especially if she turns to stalking.

I've seen this happen before...Not to me but to a good friend of mine.

My friend had an ex-wife whom we refer to as "Tofu-girl". She had no personality of her own. Her identity was solely established by her association with my friend (her husband). Whatever he liked to do, she *suddently* liked to do as well. Whatever he liked to eat she *suddenly* liked to eat as well. My friend hails from Scottish origins. *Suddenly* she became extremely interested in Scottish history and culture. Basically everything about my friend which made him unique as an individual she would somehow "graft it" to her own identity. At first we all thought it was simple infatuation but - oh dear - it got downright creepy! This woman was a perpetual shadow. My friend even told me that she would even follow him to the bathroom.

When my friend called it quits, he quite literally had to go into hiding. She even called me up a few times asking if I had seen him (I hadn't it). This girl was messed up. She also tried to get pregnant in an attempt to hold onto my friend. So when I read about that in your post, my red flags went up.

Fortunately my friend was done with her but he had an altercation which required police involvement. After he seperated he moved out of the house. He returned some time later to collect some things. He gave her a heads up and she said "sure no prob". She tried to pull the "honey trap" routine on him (dressing seductively, making advances, etc.) When that didn't work she attacked him. My friend shoved her back and ran out of the house. She called the cops and he was later arrested for assault and battery.

So I say this again, PLEASE be cautious when dealing with women like this.

She would do anything to be

She would do anything to be with him again. She is out to get me. She accuses me of being mean and if his daughter goes back with a scratch she says "how do I know she isn't abusive and didn't do that?" Honestly I think she neglects her little boy. He went to the hospital and was unresponsive for over 30 minutes and she said he fell off a tricycle. But my sd said he fell off the counter. Once we were taking my sd back and she called saying her son had high fever and was vomiting every few minutes and to meet her somewhere on her way to the hospital. once we got close she got us to meet her a a restaurant because she was hungry and wanted to stop and eat. not a drive thru, a sit down place. And we asked why when the baby is so sick and her reply was that his stomach would be empty by the time she got there. He is only 1. But when it comes to my sd she is very protective and takes her straight to the hospital with every little ache or pain. My sd was crying once and said "mommy is mean to ____ and spanks him til her hands are red. but she isn't mean to me she doesn't spank me cause she loves me, i'm her world." The ex will sit there for an hour saying nothing but your my princess, my world, my everything over and over and not say one thing to the boy unless she is fussing at him. She did the whole time we were in the office for the dna test. I think she plays favs cause my sd is my dh and her son isn't and she isn't over my dh. I feel bad for that little boy. And I believe thats why she is mean to my daughter, her half sister, she says thats not my sister and daddy loves me more, mommy said that. And she says her mommy tells her that daddy loves her(the ex) not me. She is putting things i this childs head to make things hard for us. I am far from mean. I am too soft actually. My kids and all kids around me love me and I hope she realizes one day that I do love her and that I am not mean and her mom is lying. I am scared to death she will hate me and resent me forever because of her mother. I am more scared she will be mean to my other kids cause her mom tells her she is better than them. I don't know what to do about that. My dh gets so frustrated cause she screams and cries the whole time she is here, for no reason. If I look at her she runs to the corner and cries. She is terrified I will hurt her or something. His ex needs to realize she is hurting my sd not us. It is miserable to think the people you are with will hurt you and you have to go with them. And she is my sd, my dh's daughter. We have to get her. Even though at times he doesn't want to deal with it and get her. He doesn't want to force her come with us but he wants to have her at the same time. She was kept from him for over a year when he left when she was 3 months old. We love her and want her to get to know us and love us, but should we really force her to be with us when she really really doesn't want to be?

I agree with Drac0. and I

I agree with Drac0. and I would heed his warning.

This lady is possibly borderline, and I woud stay away from her as much as possible. I would stop taking her calls, just let it go to voicemail. At the very least what she's doing to you is possibly harassment. check out your state harassment and stalking laws and see if her conduct meets the requirements of misdemeanor harassment or stalking.

My SO just recently had to email his crazy ex a no contact/no trespassing letter. Now this crazy is not the BM so I'm in a little different situation. But she kept coming by the house uninvited to supposedly drop of documents belonging to SO that she stole. I think she wanted to see if he found someone else. So now we're leaving town and I'm not leaving my pets at home with SS16, I'm boarding them mainly because I'm scared my pets may become her next target.

But I would still stay out of the picture as much as possible until you've read up on how to handle crazy stalkerish borderline ex wives.

Check out shrinkformen.com. Lots of good info on borderline women.

Yeah my husband's ex kept his

Yeah my husband's ex kept his name, even though she has an older child with a different last name. She talks about what they're having for dinner at the "hubbyslastname house" and she names her pets "Fido hubbyslastname" etc. It really gets on my nerves, especially the pet thing because when I post pics of my pets on Facebook, I always post their name as "Fido MINEandhubbyslastname" so she's copying me in that. Just ridiculous. IMO She should have taken back her maiden name since she has two kids with different last names.

BM always used her maiden

BM always used her maiden name even after her and DH were married unless it was a legal document and she had to use married name.

When they divorced she told DH she wanted to keep DH's last name. DH was shocked but agreed to it which was weird because DH hated that she would not use his last name when they were married. :?

So now she uses DH's last name only... :sick:

Yes, she can. I've heard of

Yes, she can. I've heard of some even nuttier women giving the children they have with subsequent partners the last names of their ex-partners :? :sick:

That is great that it worked

That is great that it worked and continues to work for them

She had a DNA test done on

She had a DNA test done on her son she had before the divorce was final. My fiance had to pay for it, it came out neg. But his last name is still my fiance's. The divorce papers say she had a child while still married to him that isn't his proven by DNA but it doesn't say he has to be taken off the birth certificate. So he is still listed as the father. I know she doesn't have to change his last name cause she was married to my fiance
but she could at least take his name off the birth certificate. And the sad thing is his mother treats her little boy better than my daughter and son. And my daughter is biologically her grandbaby. Not that blood matters, She said blood doesn't matter but seems to me it does to her. She told me before that my fiance "will never love your son like he loves his daughter cause she is blood and blood has bond" Now that we have a child together she doesn't really see my kids but always wants his ex's. And talks bad behind her back about how crazy and dumb she is. It kills me. Ugh.

can we do it from a different

can we do it from a different state? she lives in Mississippi and we live in Louisiana.

FWIW, I kept my ex's name

FWIW, I kept my ex's name after divorce and still have it. It's not because I have any kind of affection for him, it was just easier. First of all, I have a career where everyone professionally knew me by that last name. Second, I believed that in time I would get remarried, so why keep changing it (my attorney even said to just keep the ex's name). Since I've not remarried, I still have his last name. Maybe when I retire I will convert back to my maiden name. But truly, it really doesn't matter much to me. My ex is remarried and his new wife kept her own married name, since she has an adult son and soon-to-be grandchild who will also have that same name.

Not that etiquette is that important and most of the "rules" are outdated but technically, in formal occasions I can still refer to myself as Mrs. Jane Doe even though I am divorced from him. I cannot,however, refer to myself as Mrs. Bob Doe, as that infers I am still Bob's wife.

And there is absolutely no legal reason why the ex should change her name if she used it in any official capacity during their marriage. No one has the right to ask or demand that of her, even your DH. So get used to it. That even applies to any children she has, even if they are not your DH's, since the NAME is legally hers.

If anyone ever asks, all you need say is that her child has no relation to your DH.

Honestly, there are much more serious problems here related to what is happening to these children rather than this name issue. I suggest you spend your time and energy figuring out how you are going to deal with a lifetime of hostile and abusive behavior by his ex and the resulting damaged children - as that is your biggest problem.

Just like his last name, she may decide to use her abusive tactics for the rest of her life. Are you ready for it?

Take his last name..... It

Take his last name..... It will drive her crazy, that u, NOT her.... Have the legal right to it every time she uses it she will have to think about u

Don't even bring up her changing her last name, just take it with pride n screw her lol

Is his name so completely

Is his name so completely unique that everyone in the world would assume she is married to him? Probably not. Don't sweat it.

I don't even know what my own

I don't even know what my own name is. I got married at a later age so I am used to saying I'm firstname maiden name.

But sometimes I will use DH's name - especially with new people. I'm a member of a kind of fuddy duddy women's club and I am listed as Mrs. dh first and last name. The club is over 100 years old so I am "Mrs. john doe" not even "jane doe".

I've never changed it on any credit cards, etc. Too much trouble plus I got very ill within a year after marrying so I just didn't have time to go through stuff.

I have a hard enough time keeping up with my password changes - now I have to remember what name I am using too.

she can only get alimoney if

she can only get alimoney if they were in a long time marriage..my attorney says 10 years..so i wouldnt worry about that..as far as bills bein sent to ur husband just fill out the change of address on the back!!

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Question. Can his ex really still use his name? She never took it!