Frustrated Stepmom and Wife
Hi, I need to vent with some advice. I'm new to the site and with a little background. I'm a stepmom of two adult young ladies 20/22 currently still living at home. I came into their lives when they were 1/3 years old. My husband has raised his kids since birth. From day one I have always had trouble with the kids biological mothers. Moving forward, in February my mother got sick and I went to visit my mother in the hospital, the youngest stepdaughter didn't have a key to get in the house so she was upset. Once we entered the house she just went into a rage making comments like "I don't give a "F" who im disrespecting" "F their feeling because they don't give a "D" about mines. "Everybody in this house can kiss my "A". I was so hurt and offended i couldnt sleep because I wanted her out of the house immediately. The next day I texted my husband and told him that I had to move alone because I couldn't stand the fact of living with his daughter another day. Also, I was informed my mother had a heart attack the same night after we left the hospital. He said we will sit down and talk to her and for her to give an apology, I really didn't want one because I was so tired of her. We did sit down and she blew up because she felt like her father was taking my side and she repeated what she said the previous night and he told her to leave the house. In my opinion my husband felt like he shouldn't have put her out because he really wanted her there so he told her that she must apologized (i still didn't want it). She recently texted a indirect apology but I didn't respond to it.
Now my other stepdaugher just had a baby and lives with us, she barely talks to me because she wants to control her father just like her sister. I have a rule that if you are entertaining your (male) company they can sit in the living room or den. Apparently, she called and asked her father can the father of her child come in the room and he said yes. Which he never told me, I found out when I came out my room and notice they were in her room with the door closed, lights out and layin in the bed. When I asked him why did she ask me or why didn't he tell me he couldn't give an answer. I told him that was a slap in my face one because with the other stepdaughter that had a baby last year she wasn't allowed to entertain her company in her room.
There have been so much of division in my house when it comes to the stepkids and my husband. Years ago and up to recently he would allow his kids mothers to disrespect and he would never say a word to them. I endure this for years and then his kids started with the disrepect and he would always make excuses for all of them. Last year I knew I've had enough because I no longer cook for them, I would say hello but that's about it. Im just so miserable when I come home. I've had thoughts of leaving him with his kids but unfortunately I make more money and he depends on my salary to pay the majority of the bill. I know I will feel terrible if I just leave but I feel terrible staying. I have to remind him that he isn't married to his kids. I by no means try to have my husband to chose but he needs to get it together.
Tell him to evict the
Tell him to evict the stepbrats NOW. Immediately if not sooner or he will have to support them on his own.
You have control here via the pocketbook - USE IT.
Yep, time for skids to move
Yep, time for skids to move on. Otherwise you go. You don't want to make him choose but when skids are that age they need to get out. He's not married to them.
Why are these adults living
Why are these adults living with YOU? Why are YOU supporting them financially? Why do you think you should sacrifice your life and your happiness for your DH and his adult daughters?
Hi you are absolutely right,
Hi you are absolutely right, I have sacrifice my life and happiness for years. Yesterday was my birthday and my supervisor asked me was I happy about my birthday. I told her know because I turned 41 years old and I feel like there are things I wanted to do that I didn't do. Which I know it's never to late but I told her that I sacrifice so much making sure the husband and stepkids are happy.
^^^^ absolutely! you're
^^^^ absolutely! you're paying for misery???
You already know how your
You already know how your husband is going to react to an ultimatum. You have been dealing with this for years. An ultimatum is not going to change anything. You need to take the bull by the horns. Tell your hubby you ate setting a timeline for the kids to move out. Say 60 days. This gives them time to find somewhere else to go. Hell, if you have to give them some start up money to get going, it would be a good investment. Let your husband know that if they don't go in 60 days, YOU ARE. Mean it and have a plan. This means find a place. Be ready to put a deposit down. Get moving boxes. Be serious. But be ready to be the one to move. But hey....you will win either way....
I don't care if that was the
I don't care if that was the father of her baby they shouldn't be playing around in the bedroom in your house. God knows that might lead to baby #2. Very disrespectful if you have a house rule for them to break it. She knows the rules and went behind your back to daaddeeeee. Brat. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope things work out for you.
4/12/13 from Ruby Before I
4/12/13 from Ruby
Before I comment further a few questions..I don't mean to be nosey...of course, if you would rather not answer I certainly understand...
when did you and/or husband purchase the home?
who came up with the down payment?
whose name/names are on the Deed to the property?
whose name/names are on the Mortgage contract?
I had a very similar
I had a very similar situation to yours. We were a very large stepfamily. Three of his and three of mine. My older 2 moved back after job losses. His daughter got pregnant at 16 and baby at 17. She thought it was perfectly acceptable to entertain her BF or "others" in her room when they split up. My DH also let his teenage son entertain his GF in his bedroom. I found this completely unacceptable. DH tried to side with me and set rules, which SD broke and SS resented and they blamed me. One night I found a young man I never met under her covers with her with the baby toddling around the bedroom. I told them both to get downstairs to the LR. She gave me lip and young man I never met gave me attitude so I raised my voice and told the to "get their asses downstairs now". She called her Daddy and cried to him about what I said even though he had told her on that particular nite to "entertain" her male friend in the LR and watch a movie or something. Well.......he immediately called me and was angry and disappointed with me that I used a harsh statement to get them downstairs. Needless to say, I felt she belonged in her own apt. if she wanted to live like this but DH didn't agree. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that he and I are not together anymore. I moved out of his house one year ago. I was never going to win and "fresh little narcisistic daddies girls" always get their way.