BioMom/SM relations
I have a multitude of questions of what can be done about Future SKs BM and her treatment of me. Short background - I have never been anything but cordial to BM - just "hello" and have tried to stay out of the way (MY BF doesn't need me looking over his shoulder whenever BM is around). BM says she "tried to be nice for 6 months" and now refuses to speak to me. Since I have been seeing BF BM has complained about my financial position and how I look.
My question is: what can be done about this behavior? I simply ignore and stay out of the way. However, I feel that there has to be something my BF can do in the situation other than sit there and listen to BM talk about herself. He never engages - But he never says anything either. Generally, he grunts.
I feel that BF should not be near her at kids' events if I am not there, if she can't be cordial to me when I am there. He sits away from her when I am not there, but she comes over to him with kids. If I am around she keeps her distance. What can/should he do? Or is this just something I have to grin and bear.
Am I wrong or petty to feel that if she can be nice to BF, she should also be nice to me as I have never been anything but nice?
Should I apologize for some unknown thing that I have done, in hopes of diffusing a nonexistent situation? I would have no problem if we could all talk and be friends.
I suppose if you wanted to be
I suppose if you wanted to be "the bigger person" you could try inviting her out for coffee or something. Say something like, "it seems like we got off on the wrong foot..."
But why would you want to? Do you really care what this person thinks about you?
And if I were you, I would stop asking if she sits next to him when you are not with him. If he wanted to be with her, he would. But he's with YOU. Let her play all the games she wants. Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her get under your skin.
I would ignore her. Who cares
I would ignore her. Who cares what she thinks. It just makes her look jealous.
When I was married to my exh, the BM was CRAZY!! She was so jealous of me and she flipped out everytime she had to see me. I never engaged. I always walked away. She would scream and yell and call me names. She would leave messages on our answering machine about the size of my boobs, my hair, my weight (I was very thin, she was not)She was so jealous of me. She eventually got herself arrested for making a scene in front of our house. I still was nice to her. I never stooped down to her level, ever!
Years later we got divorced. My DD was 3 and their daughter was about 9. BM calls me out of the blue and wants to be friends for the kids sake. And I was nice to her. I don't hold grudges. But she had something to be embarrassed about and I did not because I never acted crazy, never called her a name, never did anything but be nice to her. To this day I am still nice to her and she should still be embarrassed because I know how crazy she is!! She even tried flirting with my DH one day!! He was horrified!!
In my opinion, your DH should
In my opinion, your DH should not let her speak badly of you. He should stand up for you and tell her to keep her opinions of you to herself and to not talk to him anymore about anything unless it is directly related to the children. When she starts going on and on about herself, he needs to excuse himself and leave, not grunt along, sending her the incorrect signal that he cares or wants to hear about her life. If you want to go to the activities go, and she should keep her distance. Just because they share children does not mean that they have to have anything to do with one another outside of that.
During one of her texting
During one of her texting rants to BF about me (text after text with no reply) I called her and invited her out for coffee on her vm. She stopped texting bf and later told him that I'm not really interested in talking to her so she is not giving me the time of day. You all are right though about ignoring. That is what I used to tell myself - how it was about her not me- its just so frustrating to see her being ok with bf and not with me. Thanks for the encouragement
I am in the same battle right
I am in the same battle right now. BMW hates me for no reason. I wrote her an email asking for peace. All I got was two threats that she is working with the police. She is such a sorry excuse for a human being. I wouldn't put it past her if she makes something up just to get me arrested in front of the kids. She wants me to suffer for some reason that I will never know. You just can't figure out the crazies!! Hang in there and just ignore her. That is the only thing I do really bothers her. She hates it that I ignore her in public. Unfortunately that is the only way I know how to treat a prison like her. She is a bully and do is your BM.
Been there. I wouldn't bother
Been there. I wouldn't bother trying to be friends with the BM. She hates you because you are with your man. Period. You are in the way of her using her ex for money and sex and because of you he is no longer on stand-by for her. She doesn't want to have coffee with you, go shopping with you, or have anything to do with you. You have taken her place and she is jealous.
Now, your BF is the only one who can fix this. It just depends on weather or not he has a set of balls. Does he have a set of balls? Because if he does, all he has to do is tell his ex that your financial situation nor your appearance are any of her business.
And he can tell her that he is uncomfortable sitting beside her when he has a GF and he is divorced from her. And if she is blabbing about anyting besides their children, he needs to tell her that unless she has something to say concerning the kids, he doesn't want to hear it.
What your BF doesn't realize is that this is a CONTROL ISSUE. His ex is trying to control his company while at the kid's events, persuade him to see you as bad, her as good, and she is trying to cause you to be upset about the attention he gives to her.