How long have you been here for (on Step talk )? 2 years for me....
Any improvements or deteriogating in that time? What do you expect from the future?How did ST help you?(Who of you is here the longest??)
I recall to be on step talk since around April 2011, so it must be 2 years.First I had a different name and had to change it when SO looked over my shoulder.SD is now 8.When I came here it was like awakening to the truth that step parenting is beyond hard.I had to deal with the mini wife , Disney dad and blending all of us, you name it.I was full of illusions how things would just work out.Thanks to ST I brought up issues at home and refused to suck it all up.SO changed a lot and we moved in together.Mostly it all went well, but you know what?Besides SO and I having some issues together , I still feel resentful when SD comes and I suffer anxiety.Thanks to ST I found my place to vent and to keep my dignity and honesty to myself.I have to tell you that I am not sure if I am prepared to be in this for good.It seems emotionally still too hard at times.I feel I can open up here and it is ok to feel like this.I doubt things will change for the future, eg my feelings for SD and also the issues I have with SO.ummmmmm.
To start with I was paranoid
To start with I was paranoid what SO or other people think about me not liking his kid, the perfect princess,very much.I was also scared he would think I am petty.Ha! Now I don't care anymore either.
Yes, I am with you and
Yes, I am with you and totally learned to have my guards up, too.But on the other hand I feel more empowered and wiser than at the beginning where I was totally naive and stupid, lol.
Good idea. I think I will
Good idea. I think I will change my screen name periodically as well.
I've been here for four
I've been here for four years. I came here because I was so appalled by how bm abandoned her own kids and her lack of regard for them. When I first got here I was really taken aback by how many of those BMs exist.
I have been on ST for over 2
I have been on ST for over 2 years. DH and I had been separated for a while and managed to get back together after he moved to a different state. Age wise I am one of the older posters. We had married after all our children were grown so I had not expected all the problems we encountered.
We were both widowed when we met. But the difference was that his girls were from his previous marriage so SM was in the picture. The anger and viscous underhanded verbal attacks on each other were still happening 25 years after their divorce. The girls had learned to "play" both sides and were pros at it. They and mom still play their games but I have learned to ignore them . Like a tantrum---it is not as fulfilling if there is no audience to acknowledge you.
I have learned a few things since joining.
His children had a crappy life. ---It is not my problem to fix.
No matter how much I give---there will never be any credit for me and it will never be enough.
Guilt plays a big role in the dynamics of their relationship among them.
There comes a time when men have too many health problems to perform.--- If your man is at this stage it may be best to keep him. Unlike the younger guys, he just wants a" soft place to fall" as dr, phil calls it.
In the meantime ---I have his great medical insurance, pension, and life insurance when needed, and the perks of everything we accumulated during the marriage. We have a life. The few times he does visit the children and their mom are the times I do the things I want. AGE DOES HAVE IT'S ADVANTAGES.
Only several weeks and I'm
Only several weeks and I'm addicted. Addicted to people who I can be honest with, who don't judge me, and who TOTALLY understand everything from the tiniest annoyance to the gigantic OH SHIT moments. I wish I had discovered this site 4 1/2 years ago when things started going to shit. Better still, 6 years ago so I would have stayed single!
I'm right there with you.
I'm right there with you. Total addict. Whenever I get anxious, I just check-in to ST. This site is even better than Stepmonster.
I'm sure I'll calm down with the passing of time, but for now, it's a lifeline for me. It's the excitement of something new. The excitement of truly fitting in. Even if it is all online.
same:)
same:)
I am the same way!! I have
I am the same way!! I have been here about a month and a half and I am HOOKED!!! I think it has to do with having felt so alone in this for so long. I have been through so much and this last year has just about done me in all the way. Finding this site has given me an outlet I did not have previously. It has given me people to reach out to, people who understand, and a way to vent all my frustrations instead of bottling them up or lashing out at DH. I wish I would have found this site in the beginning as well. I would not be the person I am today if I had.
I'm still a newbie, only been
I'm still a newbie, only been here three months. It's been a massive discovery for me though. I'm still at the stage where I'm not actively involved in the Skids' lives, but reading about all of the issues that you guys have come across has really helped me to set boundaries in advance. I do think it's hard sometimes to not get dragged too far into other people's situations though - I need to remember that my situation isn't the same as other people's and everybody has different values. I don't know yet whether my future Skids are going to be angels or brats but at least I now know what warning signs to look out for.
LMAO - we appeared at around
LMAO - we appeared at around the same time then, and probably got the same google search results - mine was "I hate my stepson"
These days I quite like the kid. He and I have both learned to adjust a little and things with him are pretty good.
SD on the other hand, and OH - there are still problems there.
But fuck her and BM if they think their shit will break us up. We are great together aside from the skid fights. Ok, so OH has some work to do, but he is slowly starting to see the light about his parenting, us having to parent as a team (I have to dd's who live with us full time, and we have the skids often enough that their has to be joint rules) we are getting there!
I love Step talk. Just knowing I am not alone, talking to other people who get it when you are feeling like you just need to let it all out - it may not be what you really want or would ever do but sometimes just being able to SAY all the nasty horrible things we secretly think - it's refreshing.
Ive been here for about 2 1/2
Ive been here for about 2 1/2 yrs. Ive had one other username (my 1st one) in the beginning- but I changed that quickly because it had my real name in it! Woopsy! But have used this & only this name since.
I probably found this place the way most of us did. Google search for help with my skids. I have been a very thankful STalker since!! Ive said it before & Ill gladly say it again-- this site most likely has saved my marriage!!! My DH was a very guilty/disney dad in the beginning & BM was a very spiteful vindictive person. Id probably say that its about 1/2 skids issues & 1/2 BM issues.
This site has kept me from going nuts many times!!! I gather advice & suggestions from here to help what we (me & dh) are going thru. My DH also comes here to read & yes, he has read my blogs. It has helped my DH tremendously. We discuss things we read here & talk about how we would handle things. We are faaar from perfect, we are learning as we go alongside you all!!
Theres a wealth of knowledge here. You can learn a ton here & then apply it to your situation. We ignore the unhelpful over- critism. Learn from whats helpful & let the rest go.
I love this site!!!!
so some people are even
so some people are even longer than 4 years here , wow. I am so glad I found ST 2 years ago since I was blaming me for all the s....t, but now I am really not sure how long I will still last.I am thanks god not married yet.
Little things are frustrating me more and more- like this morning we were intimate and right afterwards he storms off into the kitchen because SD 8 is up so early and I hear her non stop talking .He brought me a cup of tea quickly, possibly out of guilt, but now engages with the kid , who is perfectly capable of getting herself some breakfast at 7 am,virtually 30 seconds later after we were "finished" and I am left behind in the bedroom.This is all so odd to me, but the new dangerous thing is, that I don't care so much anymore and rather be an observer for this strange world I am in atm.
Yup, Bees, that would be
Yup, Bees, that would be great,or "SP Bootcamp" where we could put pictures of BM's or whatever applies on a sand bag to fist fight, yay!!At the same time I am reaaallly not sure how long I would like to stay a SP, so maybe I would miss out ....lol.
I've been here for over 4
I've been here for over 4 years. I tell people all the time it saved my marriage! It gave me a place to vent- and I didn't take every nitpicky thing to my DH. It really wasn't the skids- it was how he let them be. Through tricks I learned on ST, and some counseling we got together, and for myself, I learned to deal with things differently. As the kids have gotten older, there have been different challenges, but in time, it has gotten easier.
And as they've aged, I have been blessed with less contact with Loca Grande. So now, I can sit back and be amused by her!
I sit here a little over a month away from PITA 18s graduation, and 12 months after that will be Lazy Boye 17s. Even my DH looks forward to that moment, when it is just us and our BS, Gibby. I've lived my life in reverse by "having" kids first. I look forward to it being us. That's my goal. That's what I work towards every day.
i've been here a little over
i've been here a little over a year, this time. i was a member for over a year before, but the trolling was out control, so i left for a while.
i have to say, it really irks me when i see posters treating new people like nothing they have to say is important because they are "newbies". they may be new to the site, but that doesn't mean they are new to being a stepparent. even if they are, what better time to get advice than in the beginning? i cannot say how much i wish i would have found this site in 2005. it probably would have saved me a lot of grief. i was 4 years into this nightmare before i found a shitty site to go to, and 5 or 6 years in before i found this one.
this isn't a fucking law firm. your value here is NOT dependant on how long you have been here.
Bi, I totally agree, no
Bi, I totally agree, no matter how long you have been here, people should listen and support each other.At the same time I am curious to find out how long people are here for and who decided to left or stay.But I suppose those who left would maybe not be here anymore.It is interesting and also good to see how ST helps so many!