Bees- I agree there is something terribly wrong in a situation where a grown adult feels the only option left is to disengage. It was either that or my relationship would be over.
OP - You think these kids care for you? If you are at the point of disengaging, they must have treated you horrid. You don't deserve that, you must look out for your own sanity and happiness. Guaranteed those kids don't give a lick about you and your happiness.
disengaging is essential. bare minimum should be that step mothers need to have zero expectations that anything she does for skids will have some kind of reward. if in the end it does, great! if not, she's been warned.
The biggest problem I have is everything I do for FDH and the three kids were done by FDH mom, their grandmother, and FDH two sisters, the kids aunts, when BM walked out,.... So, FDH and the kids have no idea what all goes into EVERYTHING because the whole family stepped in to pick up the slack and three people were able to do a lot more a lot easier than just me,... Especially when I have a 40 hour a week job and two or of three of them were unemployed....
Example: "why aren't my jeans washed?" "because you didn't tell me they needed washed." "so I have to tell you to wash clothes? We never had to tell grandma to do laundry, why do we have to TELL you to? There are dirty clothes in the laundry room, isn't that telling enough?"
The second biggest problem is with BM. FDH has for so long brent over backwards to give her anything she wanted just because it was easier that way for him and caused less problems for the kids to keep BM happy,.... But now, with me in the picture,...when it obviously looks to me like things are being done ass backwards, just me asking why he our the kids are doing things a certain way-all hell breaks loose-and I don't even suggest it change, just ask why,...
Example: "why did you spend all that money and take BM back to court to make a visitation schedule so the kids have more stability and know when they have to go see her, if every time she gets them she wants an exception and you let her have whatever she wants?"
I'm totally disengaged. And
I'm totally disengaged. And I love it.
Bees- I agree there is something terribly wrong in a situation where a grown adult feels the only option left is to disengage. It was either that or my relationship would be over.
OP - You think these kids care for you? If you are at the point of disengaging, they must have treated you horrid. You don't deserve that, you must look out for your own sanity and happiness. Guaranteed those kids don't give a lick about you and your happiness.
disengaging is essential.
disengaging is essential. bare minimum should be that step mothers need to have zero expectations that anything she does for skids will have some kind of reward. if in the end it does, great! if not, she's been warned.
The biggest problem I have is
The biggest problem I have is everything I do for FDH and the three kids were done by FDH mom, their grandmother, and FDH two sisters, the kids aunts, when BM walked out,.... So, FDH and the kids have no idea what all goes into EVERYTHING because the whole family stepped in to pick up the slack and three people were able to do a lot more a lot easier than just me,... Especially when I have a 40 hour a week job and two or of three of them were unemployed....
Example: "why aren't my jeans washed?" "because you didn't tell me they needed washed." "so I have to tell you to wash clothes? We never had to tell grandma to do laundry, why do we have to TELL you to? There are dirty clothes in the laundry room, isn't that telling enough?"
The second biggest problem is with BM. FDH has for so long brent over backwards to give her anything she wanted just because it was easier that way for him and caused less problems for the kids to keep BM happy,.... But now, with me in the picture,...when it obviously looks to me like things are being done ass backwards, just me asking why he our the kids are doing things a certain way-all hell breaks loose-and I don't even suggest it change, just ask why,...
Example: "why did you spend all that money and take BM back to court to make a visitation schedule so the kids have more stability and know when they have to go see her, if every time she gets them she wants an exception and you let her have whatever she wants?"