As an older poster[60] I have noticed the amount of parties and showers seem to have increased and become more elaborate. My children grew up having the birthday at home with relatives and a few friends. Baby showers were for your first child or unusual situations such as "SHE'S HAVING TWINS" or the sudden surprise baby that arrived years after you thought you were done with that.

If you feel you want to attend and bring a present, then do it. You are not required to accept invitations. It is a choice, There is no reason to feel obligated.

Older person here too. A birthday party used to be for kids and a gift was something that in today's dollars would be under $20 - maybe a lot under.

But here's what I discovered about all those friends that I supported for years. I bought wedding presents for friends for each of their weddings (some have had two or three) and then for their children's weddings. For a couple of close friends I had a party for the bride - that cost about $1500. And tons of baby presents and birthday presents for the kids. I did this because I could (back then) and because I wanted to.

When DH and I got married I got nada. Not even a card. I really didn't want a lot of gifts but I was hurt that they couldn't even send an email to acknowledge my marriage when I'd done so much for them.

I agree with Oldone, Cheri and GC. Parties used to be very low-key and gifts were small and affordable. They were still a lot of fun and they didn't contribute to the massive consumerism that our kids have grown up with.

I don't attend showers or b-day parties unless the recipient is a very good friend. Otherwise I just feel used and I don't like the consumerism.

I didn't attend my BEST FRIEND's 40th because her husband sent out an email weeks early asking if we could all donate money to sending her on a trip. I couldn't believe it, didn't reply and just wished her a happy b-day over the phone (I live a long way away now).

A bit off topic but cash bars at a wedding are also a real no-no for me. My BF and I went to a wedding last summer, we got dolled up and bought a nice gift off their registry. Arrived at the reception to find one bottle of wine on the table - to be shared between eight of us for toasting purposes. Otherwise it was a cash bar. We hadn't known as the invitations said nothing about it and had only about $10 between us. These people have money - it's not like they needed to have a cash bar.

Just ugh.