Q. Do I Need To Buy Expensive Gifts for My Girlfriend's Children: I am a 42-year-old man and my girlfriend recently moved in with me. I have an 8-year-old daughter from a previous marriage and she has two sons who she does not have custody of, but does have visitation rights. Her sons are good boys and we've bonded really well. Our children are spoiled. They have almost every electronic game on the market and wear obscenely expensive tennis shoes. I take care of the kids on Saturdays while their mother is at work and we usually spend the day outdoors. The oldest boy is 15, and on a recent hike he asked if I would buy him the new Nintendo Wii. The boy’s father showers his son with expensive gifts. I explained to the boy that it wasn't my place to buy something like that for him, but if he would start taking on some chores around the house I would be willing to work something out with him and the boy agreed. When his mother heard of the agreement she became furious with me. She says I should treat her children as my own and should give to her children without asking for anything in return. I am standing my ground on this issue and we are probably going to break up. Am I obligated to buy her children expensive gifts?

A: I feel so sorry for these kids. The adults in their lives sound like a bunch of irresponsible babies, so they are going to have a hard time learning to be responsible themselves. I agree with you about not buying your girlfriend's son an expensive electronic. I also agree that teenagers should do chores around the house, but they should do it not to get toys, but because that's what people who live in a family do. It's sad that you moved in with a woman, upending the lives of three children, without apparently having even a basic agreement on how to raise kids. If adults want to shack up, that's fine. It's not so fine if they're doing it because they're not ready to get married or are unsure about a future together, but the children involved get drawn into the vortex of an unstable relationship. If you're already half out of this relationship over this one fight, then end it quickly before the kids get attached to the new adult in their lives. And reconsider showering your own daughter with material goods as a way to make up for what's missing emotionally.