UGH!!! You must reallllly love your man because I love mine to pieces but I would NEVER support him or want him getting his kid any more than he has him (every Wedn 2 hours & EOWE) Hell, I wish the kid didn't even exist so you are quite the trooper my friend. God love ya!!! Cuz I would rather take my chances in the dating pool again than put up with his friggin kid!!!

Yeah, I have made the promise to myself, although at times somewhat empty, that if DH gets skid more than he already does, I am out the back door as skid is coming in the front door. It is nearly unbearable as is, I cannot imagine how terrible it would be if skid was here more. BM has told DH recently that she wants to switch things because she cannot handle skid anymore, he got kicked out of school, again, and that she wants him to live with DH thru the week and go to school here, and go to her Thurs-Sun, she keeps changing her mind back and forth, but DH is all for the switch. I have told him I don't know how he expects that to work because I am in no way available to help him in anyway, so he will be totally dependent on MIL, but I think it went in one ear and out the other because all he cares about is winning in this twisted game of who loves who more, and by skid coming here for school he thinks he will finally be getting what he wants, skid wanting to be with him more than BM, when in reality, it is BM who just cannot stand her kid for that long period of a time. It has nothing to do with skid choosing him over her. He is so dumb.

Wow. I couldn't do it either. FDH recently brought up the idea that Sd11 come live with us (just one of the kids) because she's having trouble. I laid out the rules under which I would agree to it. Of course, they were so detailed that I know it made his head spin and him reconsider. For example, it spelled out that it could only happen after a change is CS to BM (which I know she wouldn't want) and that she would require after-school care and someone to cook her meals and make her do her homework since he often works late and I will not be signing up for those duties. Why should I get stuck with BM's job just because she's choosing not to do it well? I didn't choose to have that baby. She did. Now she can deal with her own crazy 11 year old or he can hire someone to. And even with all those things, I told him I still didn't think I could live with her but would try under those conditions.

50/50 physical custody is the worst idea imaginable. The kids will never have a 'home' but always be in transit. As soon as possible point this out to your husband. Of course that can back-fire in that he'll go for full custody in which case you'll have to leave.

Meanwhile the only way for this to come close to working is for both parents to agree on the rules for the kids so they are the same at both homes. It's obvious that nose picking is acceptable so you will never get them to quit. Peer pressure at school won't kick in until Junion High School or whatever its called there so you've got a ways to go.

Do this its your only hope for the moment>>> http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html

We have skids full-time (BM has skids very little due to her being a crazy selfish bitch). I think 50/50 might be harder in ways than having them all the time! At least having them all the time we're able to set rules and routine, we're the parents and there's no woman to contradict us (well she tries but she sees them so little it doesn't matter.

I'm sorry girlie! It sounds like there's some rough times ahead. Your DH is defensive right now, so maybe try not to express frustrated comments to him. The last thing you want this to turn into is an "us vs Stepmom" thing. Maybe save those for comments for here or for your friends for now? This was his instigation so he's going to be defensive. Grin and bear it and try to get out of the house as much as possible on the weeks they're there.

In a few weeks he might be able to talk about rules or routine, but for now it's all in transition. I would try really hard not to let it turn into a fight between he and you!