Thanks for the reply CheriWilson!

You make a good point, I'm starting to realise that building any sort of relationship is going to take a long time. I think in some ways my GF was hoping I would be able to fill the role of a male role model for him. So I think at some level it was being forced on both of us. I'm just taking it as it comes now, I don't see any other way of looking at it.

The discipline part is proving hard to establish. Because of the interactions with my kids any time we all spent together was being damaged by SS. So out of necessity I guess we have tried to find a system that is equal and fair for all of the children. I try to steer clear of discipline with him, I see that more as her responsibility. But at the end of the day if he is doing something disrespectful to me, my GF or the other two then I feel the need to jump in. I'm no longer willing to watch him damage my mental health, and I certainly don't want him doing the same to the biological children. But as pointed out by everyone here he has more of a friend relationship with my GF. It is hard to punish him because he was raised with such an alternative lifestyle he doesn't place much value on material posessions, or even most priviledges. In some ways I think he is depressed so is probably a little more numb than most happy kids, but this makes him very easy come easy go. It's like the things he values are asserting his opinion and his irrational belief that he is the man of the house and has control over my GF. I guess my GF and I need to find a way to remove this priviledge.

I have mixed emotions about the pyschiatrist. She has told him he is probably gifted (which seems to have fed is feeling of self entitlement. She is working on him with CBT so it is going to be a very slow process. Her words to us were that he is a VERY tortured individul with clinical deppression. She did acknowledge that it is very tough, this gave me some solace since at least someone was acknowledging that I'm not being a total soft c*&k in being so affected by it.

You are right about her needing to make it clear that I should be treated with respect. I think because he is explosive she avoids this type of confrontation it him. But I can see now that it has been on my mind and will eventually build resentment towards her if I feel like I am not being stuck up for.

Ha I have day dreamed about military school... He needs to wake up and see that it's a big bad world. They way he acts now, he is going to be in for a pretty rude shock when he enters the real world.

Yeah good advice, I'm seeing my head doctor today. I need to fix myself before anything else, life is way to short to feel the way I do at the moment.

Thanks for responding hey, it's good to know that there people around that do give a s&*t about other peoples lives.

You are right, although I'm not sure the force that would be required would be very legal. She has resorted to being more physical some times and he now uses that as a manipulative tool. Maybe that just means she hasn't ever hit him hard enough. I know if my BS ever spoke to my GF the way SS speaks to me, I would be inclined to belt the s&*t out of him. And I am far from violent...

Basically he tries to feed a situation until she gets to the point where she has to use her hands (she will mostly just drag him to the room). He uses that as part of his "I am so hard done by" attitude; sadly he finds comfort in his own misery. Agression or even arguing seems to give him exactly what he wants ... to be able to assert himself aggresively and feel like his life is so hard and he is treated so badly. I have tried stonewalling him and it works at the time, but I see stonewalling as a form of not so constructive emotional abuse. Short term it might make the situation fizzle out, but I know it's not sustainable longer term becuase it is only going to fill him with more anger and resentment. Maybe we need to just communicate that he will be stonedwalled for a period until he can calm down.... To be honest now when he blows up I just want to say to him, "just f&*k off and go write a rap song about it". Such an underpriviliged life (thats Aussie sarcasm)...

Bugger me writing about it I'm starting to realise how much all of this (well him) consumes me and my thoughts. The sad part is that it seems to consume me a lot more than my GF. Maybe I care to much. Maybe this is where the bitterness is coming from as well. Maybe I need some time away from him and this stress. I havent laughed or smiled in over a month. I can hear my kite and board calling me as I type this!

Anyway Foxie thanks for the input, I appreciate it.