You're "custodial" in that you live with the custodial parent. You have no "custodial" rights, if that's what you're asking.
It's like a default status.
The only way you get "custody" is by filing... usually a stepparent adoption.
You never get legal rights assigned by "circumstance." That would be like squatting...only with someone else's kid instead of property.
So...it doesn't work that way. Scratch that off your list.
Now, as to what you're really asking, some detail sure would be helpful. Has BM terminated rights? Has the court terminated them for her? Are you married to the father? Do you want rights? Do you want to adopt?
Your questions are coming from someplace, and it sure would help to know what that is.
I did a stepparent adoption a dozen years or so ago. It's an interesting process. Also, being CSM does NOT help if dad dies. Custody reverts to the other bioparent, unless the court deems her unfit. At that time, the child would be placed into foster care and NOT with you.
I really like that SAF asked for reasons and the "why" of your post because several on here don't. The short answer is correct, I am a SCP and I would not have any rights if my husband died. The custody does revert to the mother unless she's deemed unfit. So, if you want to have rights you have to adopt.
from the messages I just received StickAFork says that we are basically screwed we just have to spend a shit load of money and do everything for our SK and get NOTHING IN RETURN!!!!....NOTHING!!!....sorry I wish I had some good news but I am really mad at that fact that my SKs mother can claim them when my boyfriend and I take care of them.
You can get a form signed(I can't remember what it's called) where DH can sign something that says in his absence, you are equal to him(like at Doc appts, you can sign forms, can be involved at school functions even without him and even if BM disagrees, etc) I'm sure another member will see my comment and tell you what the thing is called. Just cant think of the word...
Dad could have a Standby Guardianship written up (best to have it done by a lawyer), should something happen to him, so that the kids will stay with you in the interim. But unless Mom is unfit, the kids will end up with her.
Is that sad for the kids?
If the biological mother does not do what she is supposed to do as a parent and sees the kids whenever it is convenient for her...no financial support, no involvement, just the Disney type mother...if something happens to the father and the kids are sent back to leave with their lousy mothers...that is such a pity for the kids. After a lot of work and money have been poured into raising theses kids, they go back to their biological mothers and become non-productive citizens and future high school drop-outs with no future or education.
There is no such thing as a 'custodial step-mother'. If a court ordered you to take custody of a child you would be a Foster Parent.
Loosely accepted it means you're married to a custodial (bio) father but like all step-parents it bestowed absolutely no rights or obligations and I highly recommend you don't get into any step-parent situations. Find a single guy.
If Dh (who has primary residential custody) dies while ss11 is under 18; I have zerooooooooooooooo intention of seeing him again, I will drop him off myself to live with bm. Good riddance!!
If your DH is the CP then you are the CSP. End of story.
As for official standing ... you have little to none. However, as a CSP (I was the custodial StepDad to my SS who is now 20 from the time his mom and I married when he was 1yo) I would suggest that you take every and all authority you want until someone in authority tells you otherwise. That means the Judge and it is highly unlikely that the judge will prevent you from parenting a child in your home. If BM tries to paint you in some negative light for caring for her children when they are in YOUR marrital home then good luck. She will do little more than bare her own ass to the court if she even tries.
I signed legal documents, I chaperoned school trips, I engaged medical care, I disciplined, I put him on airplanes and I picked him up and signed for him at the airport when he returned home from SpermLand visitation... I did what I chose to do when I chose to do it because I was and am the REAL dad. I have no genetic participation in the Skid but I am his father.
The SpermIdiot and SpermGrandMa tried several times to inject themselves in our home and family by attempting to tell us what we could and cound not do. But, we handed them their asses both in and out of court until they eventually learned to STFU and follow the CO or do what we told them to do when we told them to do it or suffer complete and total embarrassement court and in their community.
I have zero toleance for idiots and if they push it I hold them accountable for their actions to the fullest extent of the legal consequences I can bring to bear.
We attempted to work with them but invariably they tried to manipulate or push farther and farther. So ultimately they got to do exactly what the CO called for them to do or they got absolutely nothing.
I suggest that you get a copy of the CO/divorce decree/etc... right now and become the foremost expert on the family law case that will in large part govern your life for the entire time your kids are younger than 18 (or whatever age the CO is in effect for). Also find any supplemental jurisdictional rules that may apply in the jurisdiction where your CO was issued along with the state rules and statutes. The more you know, the more control you will have and the better you and your DH can protect your Skids.
The good news is that as the custodial household you have a distict advantage that you should utilize to the fullest extent and use mercilessly to pretect the best interests of your Skids and family.
IMHO of course.
As I have said, I am my son's REAL dad. His mom and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary shortly before he turns 21 this year. Regardless of whether his mom and I remain married or not (all indicators are that we will .... until death do us part ... she may kill me yet) I am his dad, he is my son and we will keep that relationship forever whether we are alive or not. Becoming a parent is the one decision in life that is eternal. Unfortuantely marriage is no longer a forever decision but parenting certainly is.
I think you've already got it but just in case -
You need to adopt the child in order to have legal rights. The biological father can lend you his rights but that's as long as he is still conscious and breathing. If anything happens to him the child may end up in someone else's home.
You're "custodial" in that
You're "custodial" in that you live with the custodial parent. You have no "custodial" rights, if that's what you're asking.
It's like a default status.
The only way you get "custody" is by filing... usually a stepparent adoption.
Oh for gods sake who here in
Oh for gods sake who here in their right mind would ever want to see skids again??? Ok kid.
I did/do. I'm still very much
I did/do.
I'm still very much involved with SD22...and I left her father years ago.
If you were kidding, I apologize.
If BM terminated her rights,
If BM terminated her rights, should I still seek custodial parent rights? Or do I have them based on the circumstance?
You never get legal rights
You never get legal rights assigned by "circumstance." That would be like squatting...only with someone else's kid instead of property.
So...it doesn't work that way. Scratch that off your list.
Now, as to what you're really asking, some detail sure would be helpful. Has BM terminated rights? Has the court terminated them for her? Are you married to the father? Do you want rights? Do you want to adopt?
Your questions are coming from someplace, and it sure would help to know what that is.
I did a stepparent adoption a dozen years or so ago. It's an interesting process. Also, being CSM does NOT help if dad dies. Custody reverts to the other bioparent, unless the court deems her unfit. At that time, the child would be placed into foster care and NOT with you.
I really like that SAF asked
I really like that SAF asked for reasons and the "why" of your post because several on here don't. The short answer is correct, I am a SCP and I would not have any rights if my husband died. The custody does revert to the mother unless she's deemed unfit. So, if you want to have rights you have to adopt.
I am married to the father,
I am married to the father, and yes BM terminated her rights several years ago.
from the messages I just
from the messages I just received StickAFork says that we are basically screwed we just have to spend a shit load of money and do everything for our SK and get NOTHING IN RETURN!!!!....NOTHING!!!....sorry I wish I had some good news but I am really mad at that fact that my SKs mother can claim them when my boyfriend and I take care of them.
We don't HAVE to spend one
We don't HAVE to spend one dime or lift one finget for our SK.
If you don't want spend YOUR money on your SK, don't. If you don't want to cook, clean...for them, don't.
You are not the parent
You are not the parent (unless you adopt the child)so you don't HAVE to spend one dime or do anything for the child.
You can get a form signed(I
You can get a form signed(I can't remember what it's called) where DH can sign something that says in his absence, you are equal to him(like at Doc appts, you can sign forms, can be involved at school functions even without him and even if BM disagrees, etc) I'm sure another member will see my comment and tell you what the thing is called. Just cant think of the word...
Dad could have a Standby
Dad could have a Standby Guardianship written up (best to have it done by a lawyer), should something happen to him, so that the kids will stay with you in the interim. But unless Mom is unfit, the kids will end up with her.
Is that sad for the kids? If
Is that sad for the kids?
If the biological mother does not do what she is supposed to do as a parent and sees the kids whenever it is convenient for her...no financial support, no involvement, just the Disney type mother...if something happens to the father and the kids are sent back to leave with their lousy mothers...that is such a pity for the kids. After a lot of work and money have been poured into raising theses kids, they go back to their biological mothers and become non-productive citizens and future high school drop-outs with no future or education.
The majority of cases happen this way.
MOM HAS NO RIGHTS. TERMINATED
MOM HAS NO RIGHTS. TERMINATED THEM DURING HER LAST PRISON SENTENCE. SHE IS UNFIT, AND MORE SO, NOT HER LEGAL PARENT ANYMORE, ONLY MY DH.
SO adopt them. And no, you
SO adopt them.
And no, you don't get custodial status "just because" you married Dad. A court has to grant you that status.
My original question was just
My original question was just does what is the definition of CSM. If it means a step mom married to custodial bio dad, or if theres more to it.
There is no such thing as a
There is no such thing as a 'custodial step-mother'. If a court ordered you to take custody of a child you would be a Foster Parent.
Loosely accepted it means you're married to a custodial (bio) father but like all step-parents it bestowed absolutely no rights or obligations and I highly recommend you don't get into any step-parent situations. Find a single guy.
If Dh (who has primary
If Dh (who has primary residential custody) dies while ss11 is under 18; I have zerooooooooooooooo intention of seeing him again, I will drop him off myself to live with bm. Good riddance!!
God forbid if DH dies &
God forbid if DH dies & leaves me w/his SS16, I'd buy the kid & his mother a cruise package & a copy of "Dr Phil's" book then move out of state.
If your DH is the CP then you
If your DH is the CP then you are the CSP. End of story.
As for official standing ... you have little to none. However, as a CSP (I was the custodial StepDad to my SS who is now 20 from the time his mom and I married when he was 1yo) I would suggest that you take every and all authority you want until someone in authority tells you otherwise. That means the Judge and it is highly unlikely that the judge will prevent you from parenting a child in your home. If BM tries to paint you in some negative light for caring for her children when they are in YOUR marrital home then good luck. She will do little more than bare her own ass to the court if she even tries.
I signed legal documents, I chaperoned school trips, I engaged medical care, I disciplined, I put him on airplanes and I picked him up and signed for him at the airport when he returned home from SpermLand visitation... I did what I chose to do when I chose to do it because I was and am the REAL dad. I have no genetic participation in the Skid but I am his father.
The SpermIdiot and SpermGrandMa tried several times to inject themselves in our home and family by attempting to tell us what we could and cound not do. But, we handed them their asses both in and out of court until they eventually learned to STFU and follow the CO or do what we told them to do when we told them to do it or suffer complete and total embarrassement court and in their community.
I have zero toleance for idiots and if they push it I hold them accountable for their actions to the fullest extent of the legal consequences I can bring to bear.
We attempted to work with them but invariably they tried to manipulate or push farther and farther. So ultimately they got to do exactly what the CO called for them to do or they got absolutely nothing.
I suggest that you get a copy of the CO/divorce decree/etc... right now and become the foremost expert on the family law case that will in large part govern your life for the entire time your kids are younger than 18 (or whatever age the CO is in effect for). Also find any supplemental jurisdictional rules that may apply in the jurisdiction where your CO was issued along with the state rules and statutes. The more you know, the more control you will have and the better you and your DH can protect your Skids.
The good news is that as the custodial household you have a distict advantage that you should utilize to the fullest extent and use mercilessly to pretect the best interests of your Skids and family.
IMHO of course.
As I have said, I am my son's REAL dad. His mom and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary shortly before he turns 21 this year. Regardless of whether his mom and I remain married or not (all indicators are that we will .... until death do us part ... she may kill me yet) I am his dad, he is my son and we will keep that relationship forever whether we are alive or not. Becoming a parent is the one decision in life that is eternal. Unfortuantely marriage is no longer a forever decision but parenting certainly is.
Again IMHO.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
I think you've already got it
I think you've already got it but just in case -
You need to adopt the child in order to have legal rights. The biological father can lend you his rights but that's as long as he is still conscious and breathing. If anything happens to him the child may end up in someone else's home.