is this unreasonable
Last night the Skids were arguing and needling each other while we were all trying to watch the playoffs.. so DH sent them both up to their rooms to cool off for about 20 minutes..
Then.. after they were downstairs and watching the game again with us they started up with the arguing, name calling and flat out nastiness.. especially the 14 year old towards the 12 year old. So, DH got pissed and sent them both to bed for good - this was about 9:15ish.
We both were beat and decided at 9:30 to go to bed ourselves.. I had to be in the office and DH was working from home since the kids were off school..
At 11:50pm there is a knock on our bedroom door and it's the 14 year old.. he wants to talk to dad..
Ok, stop right there..any time there has been an issue and the 14 year old gets in trouble he waits until after everyone has gone to sleep and either creeps back downstairs (if his dad is still up) and has to talk to his dad and it's usually to make excuses for his behavior and half ass apologize and then do the pity party about the divorce so dad feels sorry for him and guilty about punishing him earlier.. and other times (like last night) if dad is in bed, he will come wake him up.
I want the kids to always feel comfortable talking to us. My issue is, there was no crisis - no immediate urgent thing that was weighing so heavily on his mind that he HAD to talk to his dad at midnight. It very easily could have waited till morning.
Plus, at 14, he needs to learn to cope with issues or stress that is bothering him and recognize what is serious enough to worry about and lose sleep over and what you need to tell your brain to shut off.
Dh should have said "bud, it's midnight - I am not still mad at you about what happened earlier. You need to go to sleep and this was not something you needed to wake us up about. People have to get up early and go to work. We can talk tomorrow."
Am I being unreasonable? Is there a better way to address this? I'm sitting here at work, dead tired and struggling with my feelings and what is fair.
I think that's fair,
I think that's fair, especially in a "discipline" circumstance. When a child, no matter the age, is being disciplined then it is up to the parent to decide how it ends and not the child. It may be more of a disagreement about parenting styles than anything else, but that's something worth talking to your DH about.
It is a parenting styles
It is a parenting styles disagrement.. a disagreement that is costing me SLEEP.
He caters to them and babys them way too much..
There was absolutley no reason for the 14 year old to wake us up.. he did not need to be rocked back to sleep like an infant or had a nightmare and needed comforting to make sure the monsters were all gone.. he didn't like being the one who got in trouble - plain and simple.
There is a little background here that maybe needs explained - the 14 year old loves to needle the 12 year old, he loves to correct him, pick on him, disagree with him and tell him everything he does is wrong so the 12 year old looks bad and he looks like the golden child. Whenever the 14 year old gets in trouble he can't stand it - can't stand being wrong.
Sooo, the other night he couldn't stand being the bad boy along with his brother, who was also sent to bed and who did not wake us up at midnight.
Ugh.. I know.. I was
Ugh.. I know..
I was PISSED and told DH it was BS.. I got "if my boy needs to talk, I don't care what time it is, I will talk"..
OMG.. really? Way to teach him boundaries and respect for others.. He's not 4 years old, he's 14 and really...? It's ok to just wake someone up from a sound sleep because you can't sleep and are worried and need to talk..?
Look, I understand if it's a huge burden he is carrying.. i.e. he found out one of his friends was doing drugs, or was hurt, or something else MAJOR.. I totally get that. I want the kids to come to us and open up.. DH is under the impression that if he puts boundaries on things like this, it will cause them to not open up.. Seriously? WTH is wrong with saying "hey, we all need our sleep. if you need to talk, let's try to do it when everyone is awake and not wake us up at midnight." It's just simple consideration for others.
I am a NAZI when it comes to
I am a NAZI when it comes to my sleep. I have fibromyalgia and if I don't get a good night's sleep I suffer for it the next day.
If that had happened to me, I would have told DH to tell SS to get back in bed and to discuss it in the morning!! And I would not have been too nice about it either!
Of course he got up and
Of course he got up and chatted.. went in a laid in bed with him.. for a half an hour - fourty five minutes.
Total BS.
It was not necessary to wake us and I told DH this flat out. He of course defended him and has the viewpoint of "if he wants to chat, I don't care when it is."
Guess we will sleep in seperate bedrooms because unless it's earth shattering or life threatening, no one better wake me up.
Oh hell no, I would have been
Oh hell no, I would have been pissed. He should send that kid back to bed.
Yeappers.. isn't this
Yeappers.. isn't this typically something that parents teach their kids when they are like... oh, 4 years old!
The kid is 14 for petes sake!!
That is absolutely
That is absolutely ridiculous. Sleep is a basic need and it is only necessary respect to not wake up family members who are sleeping unnecessarily. If he wants his kids to have constant communication access, he will need to get his own room.
Yep, my thoughts exactly..
Yep, my thoughts exactly.. This has happened a couple times: most of the time around 10 or so, so I was able to overlook it..
My thing is this.. ok it happened.. I'm not happy about it, but I respect that DH wants to be available to his kids if they need to talk.. HOWEVER.. can we please put into place some clear BOUNDARIES so this doesn't happen anymore...?? Maybe even buy the kid a journal so he can write things down?
Nope.. DH doesn't want to scare them off of wanting to talk to him.. ughhhh..
Mark mt word, if that little shit wakes me at midnight again.. DH will sleep elsewhere and I will make sure SK14 is woken up at 5am on the weekend.