Bedtime Dilemma.. ugh!
We have 50/50 shared parenting and get the kids every other week.
So, when we get the kiddos back we have to reprogram them all over again.. allegedly.
I think some of this is BS. The rules are the rules and have always been the rules - they know what to expect.
SS14 gets up at 6:30 am and typically he goes to bed without issue when we tell him.
My bio daughter, again, no issue. She goes to bed when she is told and will actually watch the clock and tell me it's almost bedtime.. lol
Now the 12 year old.. that's the problem.
DH and I want the bedtime to be 9:00 as the kids get up pretty early - 6:30 & 7:00. This enables them to get the required sleep.
Well, every night we have the same battle with the 12 year old and it's because DH has let him operate too much in the gray area. Meaning, DH says at 8:50, time to go brush your teeth and get in bed and it takes till 9:15 for the 12 year old to do it.
He will head upstairs and is supposed to be brushing his teeth - you go up to check on him at 9:00 and his PJ's aren't on and his teeth aren't brushed - instead, he's "looking for something" in his room or whatever. Then, "oops, I forgot my iPod charger" and has to go downstairs and look for it. Then, he has to pee.. then he has to get a drink.. then 10 minutes of tucking in.. by then it's 9:15 - 9:30.
DH doesn't follow up and this kids needs constant follow up or he plays the delay game. I'm sick of being the bad guy who stays on top of it. I don't want this title.
The 12 year old is taking over bedtime for everyone. Because he is so loud and disruptive, no one else can have peace until he is in bed. So what do I do? Allow him to keep everyone up and on his schedule - which is what his dad does.
ughhhhhh...
Hopefully you and Dad will be
Hopefully you and Dad will be on the same page, but if not, I would not let him disrupt everyone else's sleep.
Since the 12 year old takes the longest to get ready for bed, he needs to start getting ready for bed half an hour before his bedtime. I'd tell him at 8:30- go get ready for bed. If he complains tell him if he's done with everything before his bedtime then he can read a book until it's time for bed.
If that still isn't enough time, have him start getting ready 45 minutes before bed, and keep increasing the time each night until he's going to bed on time.
I start getting my D7 ready for bed half an hour before I want her in the bed. And I'm sorry - who tucks a 12 year old into bed? I stop tucking my kids in at around age 8. A quick kiss and hug and it's off to bed.
Back up the bedtime if he
Back up the bedtime if he can't be in bed, lights out by 9. Let him know that he loses 15 minutes every time he's not in bed by whatever time you set. And every night, DO it. Keep backing up his bedtime and he'll end up getting his ass to bed on time eventually!
Well, I tried to talk to DH
Well, I tried to talk to DH about this.. he doesn't get it.
His reply was "I'll talk to him".. great. We have had these discussions before and it's gotten us nowhere. Just like the discussion about cleaning up after yourself, helping out around the house, respect, talking back, etc. In one ear and right out the other.
So I asked him what his plans for this talk were and he got all defensive. WTF? Is it wrong to want to know what the boundaries are regarding this issue and what the consequences are?
Nope.. it isn't mirco
Nope.. it isn't mirco managing.. it's parenting.
If we tell him he needs to be in bed by 9, then he needs to be in bed by 9 - not 9:30. If you have to be at work at 8 and you constantly stoll in at 8:15/8:30 do you think you will have that job for long? If he needs to be at school by 8:45 and he wanders in at 9, what happens?
Life lesson.. there are rules in life.. follow them and don't always look for ways to cheat the system or get your way..
My SS6 likes to stall at
My SS6 likes to stall at bedtime for every excuse in the book. When my DH slacks off on keeping him on task (getting ready for bed), I remind him that our evening time is getting smaller. My DH really loves evening time after SS6 is in bed, it's just us to watch our couple shows or a movie, and have a dessert that he hid for us in the freezer.
I also let my DH know that if bedtime is lax - he gets morning duty (getting ready for school), which means my DH has to get up earlier than normal. I get back up quick.
I agree with you on rules in life. What is the point to rules and boundaries if you're constantly breaking and not keeping your own word? Kids will take advantage of that for bigger things later. The getting ready for bed at an earlier time works for me. My SS6 knows I don't say stuff I don't mean or follow through with.
Yes, the DH's are famous for
Yes, the DH's are famous for not keeping an eye on the time.. mine used to do it every night and I found myself in the role of the bedtime enforcer. Nope. I am not going to be the bad guy every time.
I flat out told him - they are manipulating you into allowing them to bend the rules/ignore them. When this happens, and thier bedtimes get pushed out till 9:30/10 it cuts into our time as a couple to discuss things and well.. other stuff..
I had to spell it out for DH in a language he understood... lol
I have to be honest with you
I have to be honest with you - I didn't do bedtime by that age for my kids. They knew what time they had to be out the door (and that was nonnegotiable), and I let them self-regulate how much sleep they needed. My oldest had to be out at 7am, my youngest at 5:50am. Sometimes they'd be up 'til after midnight, sometimes they called it a day by 9. I figured that they needed to learn how sort out how much sleep they needed.
While that might work with
While that might work with your kids, it won't work with these guys. They are just too loud and inconsiderate.. thumping around, talking like they are outside and 1/2 a mile from each other. There is no way anyone would get peace.
Plus the drama that would ensue the next morning with regards to getting the younger one out of bed and into the shower.. ugh, I shudder at the thought. I don't know about you, but I prefer to try to start my day with as little arguing as possible. I don't have 30 extra minutes to battle with a 12 year old in the mornings..