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New Year New Nonsense.. Any Advice would be helpful...

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 10:39am

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Smile Happy New Year Everyone: I haven't posted for quite some time, but I do read everyone else’s posts regularly.

UPDATE: Well my SD11 moved in with us permanently 5mths ago. It’s been a tough go as she had no discipline or boundaries at her BM’s house. She seems to think that she needs to be the adult and can do whatever she wants. She’s a good kid at heart but I’m losing patience fast.

I tell her to do certain things like: eat breakfast, take a shower, make your bed and get ready for school or on days off to get ready for the day. I expect her to do her homework and help out a little bit around the house..not much but a little bit..like doing the dishes and setting the table for dinner.

So why is it that I have to tell her everything, everyday, 10 times over??? Why is that? I called this morning as she’s on school break..she’s been up for 3 hours and has done nothing....well watch TV…she has a school project due next week so that’s the only thing she needs to get done this week. I’ve let her play with her friends, and have a great Christmas break..

I get that she’s 11 but I do not see that she’s motivated in any way and it’s driving me crazy.. how do I motivate her? What do I do? I have her involved in certain activities that she loves and asked to be put into these activities but even then to get her to practice is a chore..
Help.. any ideas, comments, suggestions.. please..

Z Smile

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:09am

Hi alicemelinda: thanks for the response. I like the reward chart...that sounds like a good plan. I believe I will do that this weekend..

Have a good day.. Z Smile

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Tue, 01/22/2013 - 1:16pm

I did the reward chart and it seems to be helping.. it's small rewards for example.. she can stay an extra 1/2 hour at her friends house..little things like that... hopefully it continues..

thanks againg.. Z Smile

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:15am

Hello CheriWilson: well my husband and I do the parenting....but yes it is mostly me because he works shiftwork so some weeks we do not see him at all. But when he is home he does deal with things.

I do understand that every child is different, but what bothers me is the lack of motivation. She plays an instrument and we put her in lessons 1 day per week. She will not practice.. so her dad told her you dont practice I will not pay for anymore lessons.. so she promises that she will pratice and well I took her to her lesson last week and she goes again tomorrow and has not practice once in a week.. so yes I'm frustrated... and I dont know why she makes a big deal about how much she loves playing this instrument but then she never practices .... ever... (oh and btw she is very talented when she plays)...

So ok, I will have my husband get more involved and I will let her be and see what happens.

I hope your kids are doing ok well especially the one that is not motivated.. hopefully things will change..

all the best.. Z Smile

my.kids.mom's picture

Submitted by my.kids.mom on Sat, 01/05/2013 - 10:14pm

Some of what you are getting is just that age. They have more things to be concerned with than what you are asking.... My kids are 10 and 11 and there are days I could pull my hair out. Recently my ex bf and I broke up -for good- all of a sudden my kids are angels most of the time. Sometimes we don't realize the things that affect them in a negative way that brings out negative behavior.

Also, change your approach. Nobody wants to be bossed around by their sm all day. Instead of saying, "have you worked on your project yet?" (Because you know the answer is going to be "no") try saying, "if you will empty the dishwasher for me and vacuum before I get home, I will be able to help you work on your project..." It comes off as you wanting to work WITH her rather than boss her around.

I was on a website the other day that was full of comments that teens wanted their parents to know. One was about how parents don't understand that kids go to school so many hours everyday, then have after school activities, then they are expected to help out at home, while their parents are so tired from working all day, they boss everyone around and don't get that the kids are "too tired" too. Not to mention, kids can still have a few hours of homework every night while the parents watch tv. This is how kids see it. So maybe she just needs a vacation from doing anything. I know I do sometimes...

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:19am

Hey my.kids.mom:

Ok so change my approach... I've done that and she simply takes advantage of me...but you know what you are right.. I will try a different approach and hopefully I will see some progress...

I do get that she's tired, that is why she has very few chores and she only has 1 1/2 hours one night of after school activities and then 1/2 hour another night.. that's it.. I did not want to bombard her with too many activities..

Thanks for your response.. I will make an effort and change my approach..

Have a good day.. Z Smile