I am leaving now... very sad and this is not what I wanted
I dont have the energy to rewrite this whole dramatic scenario right now. if you would like to read my last post about the meeting go ahead. i am so sad. i feel so lost. After everything that i tried to do to save this relationship, my fdh told me to my face his thinks i am making a bigger deal out of all of this that is necessarry. i told him if he thinks im creating this in my head then i am leaving. he said i am an adult and can do as i please. today we both talked and both agreed that we need space. he wanted a "break" while i go back to my country and i said if i leave it is over and thats that. he told me thats my decision but he wants me to leave. i am so embarrassed and sad and i cant believe he is putting all the blame on me. and to top it off he told me please dont screw him over on his visa papers, if i want to cancel then cancel but dont screw him over. i said i will not promise anything. i just tried talking to him again and was going to give him the option of either a) i leave now and we break up or b) i leave in 2 weeks and we work on it then take a break, but he tried to tell me I WAS MANIPULATING HIM!!!!!! which is exactly what i TOLD HIM his BM is doing to him and he denied. im waiting for my mom to give me the money for my ticket home and am soooooooooooooo sad right now i could die...... 
Go home asap and put this guy
Go home asap and put this guy behind you. Once you are gone, stay gone. Don't communicate with him anymore, don't look back, don't second guess yourself, don't let him back in. Consider this a learning experience. Now you know what to avoid. You need a man who can put you first and keep his kids (if he has any) in their places. Take the high road. A new year just started, make this the year you take care of yourself and surround yourself with positive, mature people. Next time maybe avoid guys with baggage (kids).
You are sad now, but someday you will look back at this and say "what was I thinking?". With some time, you'll look back and be glad you left. Throw him back. He's wasting your time and keeping you from finding the right guy for you. Best of luck!
Agreed.
Agreed.
Your SO's reaction when you
Your SO's reaction when you said you were leaving only proves that you've made the right decision.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this but you deserve so much better. And you don't owe him anything regarding his visa. That is his problem.
yes i am leaving and i am so
yes i am leaving and i am so heartbroken! do you reallt think he only cares about the visa??? i have sacrificed so much....
You are grieving just as if
You are grieving just as if someone in your family died. Your grieving for your dreams and hopes now dashed to the ground never to live again. Go ahead and cry as much as you need to.
I was confused about the Visa statement until I understood that you are a U.S. citizen in another country. So this fellow wants you to lie to immigration so he can move to the U.S. He wants you to possibly be jailed and fined for committing an illegal act. I think you should realize that this is how he cares for you. He cares for his Visa not his partner for life.
I also think you are lucky. I think that as soon as he was safely in the U.S. and had his permanent resident permission or became a citizen you would have been dumped unceremoniously in the gutter. You tell him for now that his Visa is safe to make sure he does nothing to physically hurt you. Lie to him because he lied to you. Then when you get home you write the State Department and tell them you're withdrawing your support of his Visa application. It is the only right thing to do.
Go ahead of grieve for indeed you have lost something but rejoice when you can that this man is out of your life. Your dream of a new life is gone but the opportunity to find someone who truly cares about you is now open. For every door that closes another one opens and often the new opportunity is much better than the old one.
Good luck to you and welcome home.
yes my best friend to me has
yes my best friend to me has died. i apprieciate your opinion but how would that make you feel? i want to die!!!
I am very sorry and can
I am very sorry and can imagine how you must feel. Right now - next to posting here, I would also like to recommend you in addition another forum- breakup survivor - try to google this one , honey, very helpful. Please look after yourself and make sure you eat something and drink enough fluids etc.Dont isolate yourself and take one hour at the time.Breathe. Post or write down how you feel.Online hugs from your ST friends- be assured you are not alone. You WILL survive this.xxx
UPDATE here!! Thanks again
UPDATE here!!
Thanks again sooo much for all of your support and messages really it has meant so much to me and since I am here alone even more so!! Really from the bottom of my heart thank you! So, I bought the ticket, the whole day completely ignored his mom and him then told him everything I thought about what he has done to me in this situation. When he realized I actually did buy the ticket and I wasnt bluffing he completely made a 180 and told me he didnt want to lose me, to please try to work things out. I told him there is no way to fix all of this mess in a couple days. He said he will pay for me to change the ticket to stay longer so we can work on all of these issues.....He was really extra nice to me the past couple days and I still havent given him an answer either way...
The one thing that I am totally decided on is that if I leave in a few days like my ticket is set for, I will wash my hands of him and there is no salvaging the relationship. If I let him sweet talk me into staying for another month(which was our original plan from the begining) then I will observe his behavior from now until then and then make my final decision at a later date. I am honestly leaning towards letting him change the ticket and staying one more month, because I feel at least that way I am not making any irrational decisions, I will get to see if he is really going to do the things needed to make this work. If he doesnt then I am leaving anyways and I will not wait for him. I feel like if I leave angry and sad then its just worse for everyone involved.
In terms of his visa to clarify, yes we met in a totally different country while both working there, fell in love. When my work contract finished I then followed him to his resident country(not brazil) and we both worked there for about 8 months. He proposed to me there, and we came to brazil so he could spend time with his family(stupid BM came back here with SD5 after her latest relationship ended in another country). We then decided to apply for the fiance visa so we could move to usa and get married there.
So yea, this is my life.... :?
I promise you, with his visa
I promise you, with his visa on the line, he can change for a month or so. Means nothing. He has already shown you his true colors.
I hope you realize that, if
I hope you realize that, if you sign the form where you commit to supporting him when he immigrates? (And SOMEONE will likely have to sign that, unless he makes a butt-load of money.) You are bound to that whether you are together or not. Proceed with caution.
really? i wasnt aware of
really? i wasnt aware of that! i know about the form, its part of the paperwork but i didnt know it binds you even if u are not together! :jawdrop:
If you sign an Affidavit of
If you sign an Affidavit of Support, then you are bound by it until he reaches the income level required by the Federal Government. Whether you are together or not. Because, frankly, the rest of us don't want to support him. Bringing someone into the US is serious business, so once you commit to it, you're stuck.
Yes, once you get married and
Yes, once you get married and apply for his green card, you will be financially responsible for him once he receives the green card.
Im so sorry. Mosst of the
Im so sorry. Mosst of the times when men want to take a break it means they will be seeing other people and moving on and for some reason I've noticed they tend to move on alot faster than we do. Leave and don't luck back...if he loved you enough he would mke an effort to work things out. This world is full of many other lovely men...trust me there are many, you're probably just too sad to think of that now...and honestly you don't even always need to be in a realtionship to be happy. Being alone can be so much more comfortable. Take this time to realize your dreams and go after them because your life is not over yet. Live and love life. I wish you the best of luck in this difficult time.
How are all of players in
How are all of players in this story country hopping so easily? Don't you all need work Visas or something?
I have lived in foreign
I have lived in foreign countries and found it extremely hard to obtain a work visa without some sort of sponsorship within said nation.
In some of the countries I
In some of the countries I had companies offer me the position prior to going there and so they provided me with a work visa. FDH lived 10 years in one country and so from default obtained permanent resident status and in turn ability to work. In the other countries we were able to find work without having a work visa but it was under the table. Also this was another problem for my independance because I could not work in the field I wanted to for lack of work visa.