I am a married mother of two children one with my husband and one with a previous partner who is not in my sons life so my H is his father full time - in my house there is the four of us who live there and we my H daughter 8yrs come to us every other weekend.

I met my H about 10yrs ago he had split up with his partner, she left him for one of his friends. I did not know him previously- we fell deeply in love and had an amazing time together it was different and we both felt it. I did not know at the time but his ex had started to write him essay long letters and constantly calling him. Basically once he had moved on and fallen in love she wanted him back. She told him lies about me and manipulated him. My H admits he was weak at the time and confused and basically says he needed a back bone! forward a few months- he did cave in and went back to her and broke my heart. We talked a few times he was still confused said he felt like he made a mistake and didn't know what to do. Then she told him she was pregnant after 6wks of being back together. They had been together for 6yrs previously and she had never accidentally fallen pregnant before (doesn't take a genius to work it out eh?) but he was also irresponsible at letting this happen. I walked away hurt and bruised. I stayed single for five years and concentrated on my son, went to university, gained a degree and healed my hangs up.

I loved him all that time and ironically just when I was getting to a place where my life was good and I was thinking i could explore the possibility of another relationship, he was back.
She had an affair with a friend of his and left him. He had tried under difficult circumstances to make it work and be a good father. He was devastated he would now be an absent father his worst fear. We started to hang out taking things slow, I was a mug to be honest but i still loved him as i held him together for a time.
It started from the beginning that his ex made our lives hell! she was furious we were together - although she was still with this man and was pregnant with the new guy within about 8/10 weeks of leaving my H. (Nice lady)

Forward five years - she has made our lives a living hell we have never had a moments peace, she abused us around our wedding a year ago, sent abusive txts on our wedding day, tried to play his family of against us, turned friends against us all with blatant lies, its exhausting. We sought out a lawyer- she now has a legal letter stating out minimum terms of contact i.e to communicate only through a contact book, or txt and only to confirm arrangements, she is only to call in an emergency, and no face to face communication takes place. He knocks at the door and walks to the car to wait for his D, and when he drops off his D and as soon as he sees the door open he drives away. If she breaks this she is liable for the costs for a molesation order to be granted against her.

This was a year ago- she is still trying to be resistant and abusive but we feel a lot better as we have the control back in our lives when dealing with a mentally unstable woman. Both her and her partner go out all the time and both drink and take drugs. Unfortunately there is still drama from her and other sources around his SD it never stops but there is not enough room/time to explain it all ..

The SD - we do not know what her home life is like. But we get from the SD that her mother is always out and hungover at weekends even on her birthday. She goes to extra curricular activities every night and then at the weekend is babysat. There doesn't appear to be much family quality time.
The SD is so needy when she comes to ours that she is unhealthy with the two boys fighting for attention and giving them no space. She is bossy and talk down to my 14yr old to the point that he shuts himself away and has little to do with her now. She was three when we got back together and he was 9yrs, she always tried to get him into trouble and my H went along with it we had so many rows and my son got a raw deal- he just switched off to her in the end and has no relationship with her now. She is also now smothering my two yr old, jumps in when he is getting attention, taking toys from him and trying to be his mother again be so bossy.
She also sit on my H at any given time, lies all over him, strokes him and follows him everywhere. It drives my H and me mad. We have both given her one to one attention heaps of it, I never discipline her as I feel its my H place to and she is so insecure I don't feel able to. BUT my H does feel guilty and makes the classic mistake of not setting out boundaries, rules etc and she gets molly coddled while the boys have strict rules they are expected to follow.
My SD talks in a baby voice and act very young most of the time, and when we are out socialising will again be all over the men, sitting on them, jumping on them etc, even if she doesn't know them- its so uncomfortable and I think worrying behaviour. She has a need to be the centre of attention is loud and very demanding of attention. she will literally go up and lay on her father or another man to gain this. She is 8 its no good. My H is wishy washy in his dealing with this. She also has no social skills and disrespectful on other peoples hom, has no manners/table manners etc although we try so hard to instil this in her.
She can be sweet and engaging with me- I make a fuss of her and do her hair take an interest indulge her but is never enough. She can also be incredibly rude to me talks to me like I am stupid and is incredibly disrespectful. Example me, my H, and the SD were playing a board game, I went and got a box of pringles to share, she snatched then from me across the board, my H did nothing. I took them back and gave her a few but if my son had done this my H would have pulled him up instantly. We were at his parents and his stepfather was watching a film and she snatched the remote from him and turned it to what she wanted to watch. No respect or boundaries are obviously being instilled in her at her mothers.

After five years of stress and drama around her I would have to write a ten page essay to outline it all and with stress from her behaviour when she is here. I have asked my H to let me have some space I sent of for some divorce papers as I could take anymore- my life has been dominated by my SD, her mother and the stress around them for so long I needed time to heal, to concentrate on my own children, and to see if me and my H could save our marriage. I have asked him to instead of having her at our house ever other weekend he take her out on his own every other Sunday instead. Giving me some healing time and head space, she will get her father to herself, and we can all see where we are at with this in 3/6 months time.

I understand she is a child, and most of this is a result of her dysfunctional mother, but I am also a mother and I deserve to be in a healthy place to make sure my own children are getting what they need. Our entire life has been dominated by one drama after the next about her even when she is not with us and then is so unpleasant when she is with us. I have tried so hard but I am drained, depressed and on the verge of divorce. When is it okay to say enough is enough?