New Year's Resolutions
The year is almost over. And I'm just feeling like I need to take back my power and my voice (after 33 years). I allowed others to use/abuse me and gaslight me into a negative light when all I ever wanted to do was to get along and have a happy family. I have made a committment to myself to be kinder to myself (why is that so hard for me to do?),avoid toxic people and to not let toxic people send me into an unhealthy depressive tailspin. I decided on a mantra and this is what I resolve to say to myself whenever I feel myself stressing out: I can't control other people, I can only control myself and my response to them. Some days I mutter this to myself all day long. And it seems to help. Baby steps, but making progress.
I should never have allowed other people to treat me so badly and take advantage of my natural desire to help and be loving to my family. That was my fault and I've paid a price for it. DH played a big part in this too and I will no longer allow him to push me around on the subject of his daughter. SD41 is DH's mess, I had no say in parenting her. She would have turned out to be a better person if I had. My own bios have turned out to be loving, kind, hardworking people and I am very proud of them. I'm not proud of SD41. And neither is DH.
I don't want to pick on DH too much, his family has issues, but my own family has their issues too and I'm becoming aware of how I was set up to be the family caretaker/scapegoat way back from childhood. I'm changing what I will tolerate and what I won't around them too.
I can't change anybody else, I can only change myself. I resolve to change myself in such a manner that I can still be the loving and kind authentic person that I am without allowing toxic people to use/hurt me. Their issues are their own to handle.
I'm looking forward to the challenge. Just being able to state my truth and work out my feelings on this site has been a real gift.
I'm feeling a little bit of stress thinking about Christmas day, but it is nothing compared to the 3 day migraines I used to have. I think I've got this under control.
And I hope my fellow Steppies can find some peace during this holiday too.
Yep my resolution for 2013 is
Yep my resolution for 2013 is to put myself first for once. I will not allow myself to be bullied by SD16. I am no longer hiding my stuff from her (like my iphone 5) because she can't handle it.
I am going to change how I react to her. I am taking back my house and not hiding in my room. I will call her out on her shitty behavior. I am sick of her treating my kids like crap and being jealous of them. Enough is enough.
I am no longer going to be stressed out because DH is stressed out. I feed off of other peoples negative energy and I end up miserable.
I am telling everyone I don't want to hear anything negative anymore. Everyone calls me to complain about their miserable lives. I don't want to hear it, sorry. My mother is number one on that list!!
And last but not least I am standing up to DH when it comes to defending my DD10. I am sick of him accusing her of things and saying it could NOT be SD, only DD. My DD10 is a much nicer, kinder person than SD will ever be. If I want to drive DD to the bus stop then I will and I don't care what DH thinks. If poor wittle SD feels left out then maybe he should drive her himself!
Ok rant over!!
Exactly! Your house, your
Exactly! Your house, your rules. 16 years old is old enough to control one's self. 16 is old enough to be responsible for thier own behavior and learn consequences for violating other people's space and personal property. And 16 year olds can be pretty awful.
The parents of these kids need to step up and handle their own damn kids. It isn't right (nor is it kind/loving) to dump your out of control brats on some unsuspecting person. And twist it around to make the Steps look like the bad guys when they get tired of being treated like garbage by someone else's little monsters. If there is one thing I'd like to say to these parents it would be to handle your own kids, don't inflict them on your spouse.
As far as the negative energy from other people, I can relate, I feel it too. Sometimes the negative energy is so strong it almost takes my breath away! I have to learn coping skills to avoid these people and their toxic fumes.
Last year I was so stressed that I didn't even want to put up a tree (which I used to really enjoy). I didn't make Christmas goodies and I didn't enjoy myself at all by doing the simple holiday traditions that used to bring me so much pleasure. I could kick myself for allowing these people to bring me so low. Never again!
yeah, because being a sahm is
yeah, because being a sahm is just SOOOOOOOOO selfish. just because her ex is a loser who doesn't pay cs and she stays home with the kids does not mean she isn't constantly giving of herself. i've been both a working mom and sahm, and being a working mom, for me, is much easier. you don't know half as much as you think you do.
OMG is she crazy!! I have a
OMG is she crazy!! I have a college degree. I was making huge amounts of money when I met DH. I supported myself and DD with no problem at all. I was a working mother and did it all!!
Now I am a SAHM. I put everyone first buy myself. I make sure we have a nice dinner on the table every single night. I make sure my house is spotless, laundry is done, dogs are walked, and everyone is happy.
My life was so much easier when I worked 60 hours a week!!
In fact I would loooooove to go back to work. DH is all I am the provider, no wife of mine should have to work! Ugh!!
HRNYC I am sick of your shit. No one cares what you have to say. Go away!
"HRNYC I am sick of your
"HRNYC I am sick of your shit. No one cares what you have to say. Go away!"
I second that!
I third it!
I third it!
I'm going back on my healthy
I'm going back on my healthy eating plan and may even throw a workout or two in per week and try to get into bikini shape for the first time in 20+ years. I wanted to reach that goal before I hit 40 in September, but was about 20lbs shy of goal weight. So, this coming year I'm going for it.
Also, I'm stepping back from DH's sadness over his POS daughter treating him like shit. I'm not going to ask him about her anymore, not going to say a word when he's upset about her treating him like last week's trash anymore. I'll always support him and be there for him and comfort him. But I'm done being INVOLVED in it.
You go RedWings! I've been
You go RedWings! I've been on Weight Watchers and am making a committment to myself to exercise daily. I'm having success and feeling good.
My DH's daughter treats him like garbage. It hurts him and there's nothing I can do about it because he just keeps on chasing her (and she keeps on kicking him in the teeth). It is a sick situation. No amount of reasoning changes his mind. I have to let my DH work this out on his own and I don't want to hear him or MIL gripe about it anymore.
Two years ago I actually hit
Two years ago I actually hit my goal weight and was in my bikini!! Then over the winter SD was extra annoying, DH was extra stressed and I gained it all back. Its my own fault for stress eating.
I am joining Weight Watchers in January and I will be back in my bikini!! I am not letting everyone bring me down anymore.
From now on its all about me. I'm taking lessons from SD16!!
Awesome!!!!!!!!! I hope to
Awesome!!!!!!!!! I hope to be in bikini shape now instead of "before turning 40", it'll be WHILE I'm STILL 40
Thanks. After dropping
Thanks. After dropping 115lbs from Jan 2011 to Jan 2012, and then gaining back 20lbs, I'm definitely needing to add exercise to my routine. I just HATE it. I mean, unless it's horseback riding (to which I cannot afford), I don't like doing it. I have bad knees too so I'm limited in what kinds of exercise I can do anyway.
I'm learning slowly that all I can really do is support DH and let the chips fall where they may. I would get too angry, worked up and it would come out as attacking her to him so I'm learning to just back off and lend him my shoulder and sympathy. Other than that, I'm disengaged completely from her.
I did weight watchers too once. Lost 60lbs and kept it off for a year, then met exhusband #2 who was a total douchebag and put on 100lbs. Finally got that off last year. It's a struggle to keep my weight down as I LOVE sweets!
That is unbelievable that you
That is unbelievable that you lost that much weight. It is so hard to do!! I give you alot of credit for sticking to it. How did you stay motivated? That is the hardest part. In the beginning its easy and exciting. By week 3 I become obsessive and start eating less and less to move it along. Then I get so hungry I eat everything and convince myself I really don't "need" to diet and its all over from there!!
Its funny because when I was married to my exh I was so stressed out all the time that my weight went down to about 105 lbs which is very low for me. People thought I had an eating disorder. Its called extreme stress from being married to an asshole!!
It wasn't hard for me at
It wasn't hard for me at first because it wasn't just losing weight that I had my heart set on. I was determined to change my entire life after I caught exh cheating and I was completely motivated to change EVERYTHING about the old me. I had steel willpower. I got my Detroit attitude back. I was determined to show my DD14 that even though I'd made mistakes and lost custody of her because of this asshole I stayed with far too long, that I was going to CHANGE EVERYTHING and get back to ME.
I counted EVERY SINGLE CALORIE I put in my mouth. I became the calorie guru googling everything. And because I hate exercising, I knew this was the only way I was going to get the weight off.
I stopped drinking a lot too, which helped tremendously. I didn't do fad diets or starve myself. I got online, looked up the amount of calories I needed to consume without exercise to lose weight and just did it. When DH and SD would be at the dinner table scarfing down KFC or Taco Bell or whatever, I was eating my bowl of Special K with a bananas and strawberries knowing that while they were probably enjoying that moment, I'd be enjoying putting on a smaller pair of pants in a month while they were buying BIGGER clothes. I went from a size 24/26 to an 8. I'm hovering now between 10/12 and I'm ok with it, but not overjoyed.
DH has put on about 40lbs since I've known him. SD about the same just over the summertime. I dropped 115 and then put 20 back on from June till now. I got lax when my daughter was here all summer and just haven't gotten motivated again with my bday being in Sept, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving and now going home to Detroit for Christmas.
Well you are gonna have to
Well you are gonna have to send me your tips because that is really great!! I want to lose about 20-25 lbs. I was counting calories. I was doing great. Its my crazy mind that makes me go off. All of a sudden I will feel like its not fast enough and i will cut the calories lower. Then lower. Then its too low and I am craving everything and feeling like shit. I am not a drinker at all and I don't mind drinking water. My problem is I start to eat the same foods every single day and then the thought of another egg makes me want to throw up.
I am going to go to the WW meetings and hopefully knowing I have to get on that scale will keep me on track. When I lost 30 lbs two years ago I counted points from home. I exercised 5 days a week no matter if I had a bad day or not. I lost the weight within 6 months so it was not too fast. I had weeks that I went totally off but I always exercised and that helped me not gain anything back. I wish I could muster up that motivation again. I look back at the pics in my bikini and my face is thinner and it makes me so upset that I allowed myself to gain it all back and I knew what I was doing too!!
January will be the new me I hope. My middle sister is going to join too even though she lives far away and we are going to do it together.
All you have to do is commit
All you have to do is commit to it and recognize when you're going overboard and get back on track. Easier said than done, I know.
I'm sure the WW meetings will get you back on track. I only weigh myself and take measurements once a month. Otherwise, I get obsessive as well. Once, that's it!
Once a month?? I am on that
Once a month?? I am on that scale every morning, same time! Obsessive?? If it goes up I freak out!! If it goes down, its never enough. I am crazy!! If I don't get on the scale I feel fat and bloated and assume it went up 5 lbs. God forbid I wear jeans that are a little snug, that throws me right off too! I am all or nothing. It ends up being nothing
THAT Is why you're having a
THAT Is why you're having a hard time with it. Your weight will fluctuate a LOT during the week. If you can't do once a month, do once a week, but every day is NOT doing you any favors!!!! It's hampering you!!!!!!
Trust me I know it
Trust me I know it fluctuates!! But I still do it every single day. I would give anyone advice and say never weigh yourself daily yet here I am doing it.
So maybe that could be my new years resolution. Actually I am thinking of getting rid of the scale and just going to meetings.
I find that when I need to
I find that when I need to lose some weight it keeps me on task better if I weight daily. Though I know it isn't recommended & it is obsessive, when I decide I'm going to lose I weigh first thing in the morning, & when I get home from work before I eat dinner.
I find that seeing the progress day-to-day keeps me more aware of what I'm eating & how much I'm eating.
I do realize, however, that there are days I will be up & days I will be down, not necessarily because of my eating, but just because our bodies do different things on different days.
Yeah I feel like I need to
Yeah I feel like I need to see the scale move to see if I need to adjust anything. I also keep a food journal and write everything down. And I write that days weight at the top of each page. It helps me to go back and look at it.
I'm finally going to learn
I'm finally going to learn how to play the guitar I asked my DH to get me for Christmas 6 years ago. Obviously, it's something I've wanted to do for a long time, & I've decided to start putting forth the effort to make it happen.
My DH drops me off at work 1 1/2 hours early every morning, so I bring my guitar to work with me & I use that time to search Youtube for beginner lessons.
It's going slow, but even slow is faster than it's gone for 6 years.
Wow 157 lbs thats great!! I
Wow 157 lbs thats great!! I am a stress eater too. Hopefully next year will be different for me too!
Holy smokes - GOOD JOB
Holy smokes - GOOD JOB GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's far more than I lost. I was also in a previous abusive situation. Stress eating sucks ass doesn't it?
Put yourself first and you win!
Why do we allow these toxic
Why do we allow these toxic people to send us spiraling down into weight gain or worse? They just aren't worth it. It's happened to me and it just increases my misery and feelings of helplessness.
I'm going to have continued
I'm going to have continued sobriety (pray for that for me please
) and lose 20 lbs before Perfectson's wedding!
Thoughts and prayers coming
Thoughts and prayers coming your way from Denver!
CTNMOM, Prayers for your
CTNMOM, Prayers for your continued sobriety. Please don't let anybody or anything derail you on your sober path! And that you lose at least 20 lbs before Perfectson's wedding!
You go keekeedee! Lately
You go keekeedee!
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my experiences and I really could just kick my self for being such a wimpy doormat. Part of this was my childhood experience setting me up to be a people pleaser/doormat that always felt guilty and responsible for everyone elses's feelings and part of it was feeling pushed down by DH. I feel like I've had to submerge my own soul to please this family and to get along (because nice girls don't make trouble).
Screw that! I'm an old broad now and I don't care if I'm nice anymore. I'm going to be honest (and real) instead. Don't like it, don't look.
We are worthwhile and we matter.
Old broads rule!
Ladies, if you want to lose
Ladies, if you want to lose any amount of weight, the best and easiest way to do it is to cut out bread/pasta/baked goods completely. Also, only eat organic corn products/cereals to insure you are not consuming GMO corn/sugar. The number of calories you eat is irrelevant; it's the amount of sugar/starch you consume that create blood sugar swings that make you eat more. Add more protein, fiber, and lots of veggies. Add more FAT! If you saw how much dairy/fat I consume daily and what size I am, you would crap. Sugar and bread is what puts on weight, not fat. Fat is the best source of energy available and it lasts longer in the body. If you are an emotional eater, find a healthy snack that satisfies you. Mine is mixed nuts (pecans, walnuts, and cashews) with organic m&m's. My kids love this as well. We also mix in Annie's Organic Snack Mix, which is yummy. It does contain wheat, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to what most people eat. I wish you all the best with your weight loss resolutions and the other changes you all are planning!
I don't cut out anything but
I don't cut out anything but obvious sugars & high-fructose corn syrup. I eat multi-grain bread because it's more substantial & filling than white bread.
I also know that protein & carbs work together to burn more.
My biggest thing is making sure I'm eating when I'm hungry, & not waiting until I'm starving. I'm usually hungry twice a day...around 11:30 & around 6:30pm.
As far as blood sugar, bread
As far as blood sugar, bread (even whole grain/multi grain, etc) is as bad as straight sugar. Carbs like rice or other grains can be mixed with proteins, but wheat should not be the first choice. Dr. Oz did an experiment and found that in some people, a candy bar (Snickers, I think) caused less of a rise in blood sugar than whole wheat bread. I experimented myself by removing it all from my diet and I had fewer headaches, less mood swings, and lost weight without even trying.
I've failed at trying to cut
I've failed at trying to cut things completely out. I end up craving those things and in reality, it doesn't make sense to never eat bread/pasta/baked goods ever again. I've made complete lifestyle changes that I can stick to for life, not just for a "dieting" period of time. The minute you go back to eating stuff you've deprived yourself of, you tend to go overboard with it.
Even healthy dieting plans like Weight Watchers will tell you not to eliminate something TOTALLY unless you have an allergy to it. My doctor told me I was doing it the smart way by not depriving myself of anything, varying my diet to include everything so I didn't get bored and not going overboard when I craved something because I allowed myself to have it.
I've had to wean myself off
I've had to wean myself off the sugar. Once I get off of it the cravings for it go away. I tried introducing it just a cookie here & a cupcake there & have discovered I can't do a little bit. It's all or nothing, so I've opted for nothing. Once I get it out of my system I'm fine.
I wish I could do the same.
I wish I could do the same. I end up craving the HELL out of "forbidden" foods. If I crave something, I tend to go overboard and eat a ton of it till I'm so sick of it I don't want it again for a good, long while.
With the way I eat now, if I'm craving something (like chocolate, for example), I'll drink a flavored seltzer water sweetened with fruit juice. If after I have that, I'm still craving the chocolate, I'll eat a piece. Not a whole candy bar, but a piece of it or a snack size one. That usually does it with minimal calorie damage!
It depends on what you
It depends on what you consider "deprivation." It totally makes sense to me to completely eliminate wheat since I tried it and felt so much better. But I eat the crap out of some chocolate ALL day long. Little pieces, chocolate chips, etc. How can anyone feel deprived if they eat chocolate all day? LOL
Anyway, I dug up this info from Dr. Oz's site. I actually saw this episode after I had cut out wheat. So it was easy to understand what he was saying. Wheat is addictive and makes you eat more. That is NOT good. As a person who has had low blood sugar issues since early 20s, I can tell you that after cutting out wheat I don't have those issues anymore. So I eat less. Here is the link. There is an article you can go to called Is Today's Wheat Making You Gain Weight? that is really good, with lots of supportive comments.
http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/are-you-addicted-wheat