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One sided entitlement

stepmomofboys2012's picture

Submitted by stepmomofboys2012 on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 3:14pm

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OK - Im strying - I really am. But I cant take one more day of this one-sided entitlement. My DH lets his boys - who are of age to know better and be responsible, we are talking 22 and 19, do anything - drink, stay out all night, have no home responsibilities, - or dont require anything of them - oh..such as jobs or paying for their own cell phone and insurance and prescriptions or car problems or anything, but then "for his own good and learning" requires my son to have a curfew, check in wherever he is, pay some of his cell phone bill and constantly reminds me that he needs to have "accountability"... Now dont get me wrong - I want my son to have accountability, to learn the value of working and taking care of his stuff - but he also 15!!! He cant hold down a full time job because he GOES TO SCHOOL! He has a list of chores and does them for $10 a week- of which he uses to have spending money and he is saving for a car. He calls me if he is going to be 5 minutes late - seriously because I have grounded him before and he gets it. I am not of the mindset - well if your sons dont have to do anything - neither does my son - I want more for my son. Im just sooo tired of the fights to have the same accountability that a 22 year old and 19 year old should already have! AAARRRGGGGG!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 3:38pm

So, they are not going to school or working? How does your DH justify all of this?

stepmomofboys2012's picture

Submitted by stepmomofboys2012 on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 3:43pm

They go to school - so he says they shouldnt have any responsibilities. OK - I can somewhat see that during the school year - but not in the summer! The 22 year old only worked 20 hours a week and the 19 occassionally because they felt they "should have a summer". DH feels like they shouldnt have to be bothered with responsibilities because tehir" responsibility" is to get good grades in school. Ok, understandable - but shouldnt that be the same for a kid in high school?? I sometimes wonder if he is trying to do with my son what he didnt with his own. But still - why cant he just start accountability NOW with his kids?

stepmomofboys2012's picture

Submitted by stepmomofboys2012 on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 3:59pm

Yea maybe so - I just hate having my son in the middle of it. And its confusing for him to see his older stepbrothers doing, or not doing, all this stuff and then he has a different set of rules. I think it is going to have to be like the comment below - let me raise my kid. So frustrating..

stepmomofboys2012's picture

Submitted by stepmomofboys2012 on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 4:01pm

LOL - I know! I work and so when they said that I told my husband - well cool, I am entitled to a summer!! And his response was - you are an adult - you have responsibilties. Uhhh, what???? :jawdrop:

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 3:51pm

Yea.... this would be a I'll raise my kid and you raise yours and you can just stay out of what I expect with my son for me.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 5:29pm

Are they developmentally delayed? Because even taking a full load of 15 hours at college is no where near a full time job. Unless of course they have special needs.

love_my_shichi's picture

Submitted by love_my_shichi on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 5:41pm

I understand how you feel. My SO cleans up after his kids, but expects my daughter to clean up after herself. His kids play video games all weekend, he is on my daughter about homework and grades all the time. Well guess what? My daughter has a high GPA and all three of his kids are doing very poorly in school. From a 1.0 on up. So at times it gets to me and bugs me...but you know what? I figure...let them be losers! As long as my daughter is successful and happy and productive then I don't care. If he wants to watch his kids fail....then fine. The problem comes in when you are footing the bill and they are living with you. I will have NONE OF THAT. But that's just me. We have his boys on weekends...and their grandparents offered to pay for their college. If they can attend....which I doubt they can pull it together. They aren't living in my house after 18 and I am not supporting able bodied freeloading adults. Actually, no over 18s period, sorry.

So, I guess it depends on how you feel about things. It could be a blessing having your son the one who is held accountable...he will most likely be most successful in the long run. Seriously.

Wickedess's picture

Submitted by Wickedess on Tue, 12/11/2012 - 7:27pm

Wow! This is exactly what I went through when my skids were living with us. I have to say, my son turned out to be quite a responsible young man, taking care of himself and his wife, living on his own. My skids on the other hand, two live with their mother (one with a pregnant gfriend in tow) and the third got a girl pregnant and had to marry her. I feel guilty that I didn't stand up for my son more back then, but in hindsight, he really made out much better than the three entitled ones.

stepmomofboys2012's picture

Submitted by stepmomofboys2012 on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:20pm

Wow - thank you so much for your comment - that has really given me a lot ot think about. Yea, I cant imagine he is not feeling anything about being treated differently. I think I will try and talk to him about it and tell him where I am coming from and that I see so much potential in him and have so much faith in him. All that frustration has to be going somewhere...