I kinda feel bad but I can't seem to "let this go"
My SD9 looks and acts exactly like her mother. When she smiles she is a spitting image. Pictures of her mother when she was SDs age...they look like twins, you can't tell them apart. When SD laughs she sounds just like BMs laugh. Since it's BM that I really have an issue with...I need some advice on how to get rid of my hate for SD because I despise her because I see so much of BM in her. I have been with SO for 4 years and I never hate hatred towards SD untiul the bullshit drama got real bad. I got along with BM in the beginning. SO warned me that there was going to be a lot of drama. He HATES drama and confrontation and will avoid it at all costs. BM tells SD to do and say things to try to tick me off. BM has insulted me because I don't work (I am a full time college student-days and nights) and I take care of BS14, BD9, and SD9 (she lives her full time) when I am not in school or studying. BS14 still cannot be trusted to be home alone. BM will say crap about me not working and being lazy and moochy. And she does this so I can hear it. And it's never an area where I can just leave and not be around. Yet, BM doesn't have a job, doesn't go to school, doesn't clean the house and has no children at home to take care of. It's perfectly okay for her but not for me-it's that entitlement attitude that pisses me off.
I feel the same way that you
I feel the same way that you do about my SD. She has a lot of hillbilly tendencies in her because of her mother, and strange habits that remind me daily of this woman who has no class at all that my husband used to share his life with. :sick: Whenever my SD says that my BD(her half sister) looks like her, I have a sick feeling inside. I am appalled by these feelings I have that seem so petty, after all, its not my SD's fault, but I just can't help it.
It was easier to deal with my SD when she was a cute kid when I met her at five. We colored and played barbies together, and did projects at holidays. Now she is a snotty 12 year old and it is much more difficult to be around her, as I am lacking the "unconditional love" for her that a bio parent would, and would make it easier to deal with her crap. She has become this snotty, spoiled, conceited stranger that I now have to share a lot of my time and my home with. To deal with this, my advice would be to just remind yourself that she can't help that she resembles her mother, and to ignore the shitty comments that her mom makes about you. Be the better person, but don't feel bad for having these feelings.
She is jealous that you are
She is jealous that you are getting an education.
I don't understand how the BM can be making comments where you can hear them??? Or did you mean the SD is parroting her mothers remarks. If its the daughter then you can tell her that her mothers negative comments are not constructive and are not to be repeated in your home. Punish her as needed if necessary until she learns.
She does parrot everything BM
She does parrot everything BM says. And I cannot punish her for ANYTHING. BM had the family court judge put something in the paperwork that says, "The SO of the custodial party (my SO has full time custody) will not participate in any discipline of the minor child".
Fine. Then you & your DH need
Fine. Then you & your DH need to sit down & HE needs to write down all of the rules of the house & their consequences for all the children in the home. Post it on poster board & display in a central location. Once SD violates any rule take her butt to the board, tell her the consequence of her Dads & send her to said consequence. Ha!!! Bet her crazy mom hadn't thought if that one. Do this while you get that crazy ass sentence removed by the court. What a crazy judge!!!
Somehow BM always gets what
Somehow BM always gets what she wants, especially when it comes to the family court judge. She doesn't want me punishing the child, yet, she has no problem with her SO threatening to bash SD head off the wall. That is how we ended up in family court. My SO tried to get an order of protection against BMs SO. He didn't get it even though CPS testified in court about BM and her SO and the fact that BM's own stepchildren were removed from their custody because they had bruises, welts, lacerations covering their bodies. My SO doesn't like sending SD to BM but the judge said he has no say and that if he doesn't allow her to go he is in direct violation of the court order. My SO submitted a 22 page long packet from the CPS case that was in great detail of the events. CPS even stated in court that "we have had several dealings with the defendant (BM and her SO) and several of those dealings with the defendant were found to be indicated". BM pitched a fit in court saying that we don't tell her about medical appointments and we don't "allow" her to take SD to appointments. There is a perfectly good reason that we don't leave that responsibility to BM-she is completely unreliable. We allowed her to bring SD to five appointments in the last year-she missed 3 of them and was extremely late for the other two. Well, the judge stated in the paperwork that she is permitted to take SD to appointments, etc. She made an appointment with SDs allergy doctor and never showed up. SD called her and asked her why she didn't show up and BM told SD "Oops, I forgot." After throwing a tantrum about it in court and being told by my SO that she isn't reliable enough to take SD to the doctor, she doesn't show up anyway and we are stuck with a medical bill for not keeping the appointment. SO was told that since SD lives here then HE has to pay the bill, even though it was an appointment that SHE made and didn't show up to. She has "forgotten" two counseling appointments (one that she scheduled herself while me, SO, and her were in the same room), once again she told SD that she forgot about the appointment. BM sees nothing wrong with forgetting appointments, her living situation (she is currently homeless), etc.