Playing both parents & Helk with school
I don't understand my SD's BM! She got the report card & finally realized that SD has not been bringing ANY homework home from school this year....REALLY??? Not sure if I should be impressed that the BM caught on so soon (for her speaking)or wonder how she didn't know how her daughter got away with this for an entire semester. Its been longer then one semester cause we had the report card since mid October. This girl is always watching tv or busy playing games on the computer. SD resides with her mother due to the past & that is not an option open for change.
So for punishment of not bringing homework home, is SD being grounded from tv & in her room if the tv is on until she starts bringing her homework home. I'm shaking my head cause SD likes being grounded to her room so she can play. She is 15 years old & puts all effort into getting out of work. I often think that if she put as much effort into trying as she does getting out of, she would likely get all A's & B's in school. She is not stupid & she does have BOTH her parents right where she wants them.
My blood boiled last night when my husband was talking to SD on the phone. By his replies, I knew that SD was taking her dad for a ride! I was washing dishes & hearing him tell her the same lines he has fed her a million times before. He had good intention but she was just playing him like a fiddle again. Even after their call, DH thought she sounded quite content with herself.
I'm not looking for answers cause the mom won't let her get the help or a** kicking that she needs. The dad is starting to become aware & I think he will be kicking some butt here soon & he surely despises being played. Does anyone else deal with this too? I would like to hear your story & how do you handle issues that your faced with?
I battled this for two years
I battled this for two years with my SS's. And then I quit. Q.U.I.T.
I have pretty high expectations of ALL the kids in this family. Apparently much higher than BM and DH, and apparently expectations in this household do not apply to SS's.
They don't live here full-time, they're only here on the weekends. Both of them had LESS THAN a 1.0 GPA. Sure, they were "talked to" by both parents, but neither wanted to pull out the big guns for fear they would be viewed as the "mean parent" and lose favor in the SS's eyes. So they didn't have consequences, weren't made to answer to their parents about missed homework assignments/failed tests, didn't have anything taken away. OMG it would piss me off!
Then I took a step back... really, were their grades hurting me? NO. Was I the parent who had to look the teacher(s) in the eye? NO. So I quit saying anything. Let them fail. Let them not graduate because they've failed almost all their core courses (although financially for us that would SUCK).
I have my own two children I keep on the straight and narrow. One is a 4.0+ GPA child, the other has to work hard for A's and B's. But I'm OK with that, as long as they're doing their best. But I went OFF on my DH when he had the NERVE to try to hand out a consequence to my DS12 because he failed to turn in an assignment (ONE assignment!!). Hell to the no, if DH wants to be a hard-ass about the importance of school and grades, he needs to FIRST address it with his OWN children and leave MY KIDS out of it.
My advice to you -- disengage from it. It's obvious you do not have much pull with the situation, so why stress yourself out over it?
Out of curiosity, does SD
Out of curiosity, does SD spend any time at your home with DH? It sounds like she lives primarily with BM and doesn't see DH much.
If that is the case, there isn't anything you can do. It will stress you out to no end and nothing will come of it. If you nag DH to do something, he will eventually get tired of hearing it. Just disengage from it and let the kid's parents handle it.
Yes it has turned that way.
Yes it has turned that way. My SD has physically attacked our friends kids, animals, & attempted murder on two people here. She is a true nightmare for everybody who has tried to work with her. The part that I can't cope with, is she gets away with EVERYTHING. Police suggested that they don't take her cause she will pick up more bad ways being around other troubled kids & for us to bring her back to the mental institution where she was released from. So we did, the Hospital sent her back with us due to them not having an extra room available. Needless to say, she does reside at her moms.
This girl has visited us several times since & she attacks me every time. She loves pushing me, ripping my hair out, spiked my food once, death glares, its horrible! All professionals say is that she has Aspergers. Her dad & I are now seriously thinking that she has severe RAD which is "Reactive Attachment Disorder" & ODD which is "oppositional defiant disorder".
Seems like a lot of labels but these "RAD & ODD" are the ones that matches her behaviors. We sought help from many doctors, counselors, hospital stay, social services, Aspergers therapist, law enforcement, the school she tends, & we can't get anywhere with anyone! I really had to vent that..thank you. Her mother is the only one not getting involved in getting this girl the help she needs. She is dangerous & is going to hurt somebody someday, I just know it!
Wish I could afford to have her in a treatment program that is on watch 24/7. A program that deals with such & her schooling part of it. She is capable, can be loving, can care, & her mom is not seeing it. Her dad has been & he too has been the one seeking all of this help for her. I'm scared for her brothers safety, he is a great person & does not deserve her pulling him down.
I also battle with this with
I also battle with this with my SD12. Today DH and BM have a conference at school. good times. I wonder if anything good will come of it. I'm sure SD will give her usual excuses. I no longer participate in the BS. I don't care about homework or grades anymore. I only care if there is attitude in my home. Let her fail. I've tried. We've all tried.