So after having a dream about my boyfriends baby momma last night, I've been bothered enough that I felt it important to seek either support/advise from people that may understand what I am feeling. Bascially I need some help coping....(even if that means toughening up)

A little back story...I am 25, I have no kids, no ex husbands. My boyfriend is 29, divorced, with a 5 year old daughter. He has her every weekend. The clincher to this, (not that it matters, but to me it's important enough to bring up) is that this child may, or may not be his bio child. The reason my BF and his ex got a divorce, was her inability to remain faithful.

Now, my BF is basically treated not so much as the father, but more as a babysitter. In his eyes, this is his child no matter what DNA says, and also doesn't care that hes treated as a babysitter because it means he gets time with her. Luckily enough for me, my BF and his ex don't really like eachother much, but can remain civil (enough). However, both the daughter and his ex are a pain. I realize that I don't have any background/experience (other then being around friends children) in parenting/step-parenting, and I realize that raising a child is tough enough, let alone doing it as a single mother or father...but I have a hard time dealing with things that involve either one of them. In other words...I'm clueless, and I can admit that I am clueless...

Here are a few examples...

The ex...she doesn't seem like a smart woman. (I have yet to meet her, and am floored by the fact that she has not insisted on meeting the woman that is to be around her child, not that I want to meet her...lets just be honest, but what kind of mother wouldnt want to know who her child is around?) There have been things like her not being able to teach her daughter how to tie her shoes because "she can't pay attention." (so she gives up trying?!?!) Yet, my BF and I taught her how to tie her shoes in a couple weekends with her. The daughter also has problems picking the skin on her face, to the point where she looks like she has severe acne, with bright red sores all over. The mom says she is trying to work with her according to her, but yet anytime my boyfriend gets her for his weekends, her face looks terrible. Another thing that irritates me, are the things that his daughter says that her mom has told her. I will first mention also that his daughter is generally sick every weekend, or every other weekend he has her. But her mom tells her that shes sick because we smoke around her. Which is in fact not true at all, we never smoke in cars, inside, or anywhere around her. She texts my BF with things like, she doesnt think he watches her enough when he has her, and makes everything sound like a huge issue, or problem...when she doesnt have a friggin clue. My BF's ex has a boyfriend that she lives with, who also has a daughter, and my gut is that most of the time my BF's daughter is left with the boyfriend, and has the run of the house...which brings me too...

Another huge issue I have. The behavior of this child is horrid. I have seen some children that are misbehaved, but I have never met a child that young with such a complete lack of regard for what anyone says to her, or any rules. No matter what you say, she will do what she wants anyway, and then will say things like "well **** can talk back" (meaning BM's boyfriends child.) I cringe anytime we all go into public together because she doesnt pay attention, runs into people/things, runs ahead, lays down on floors, etc.

It's miserable because my BF is the enforcer, and she is in trouble for the entire weekend he has her because she has no boundries, she has no concept of rules, or anything else. Basically the exact same behavior of her mother. She already tries to manipulate things, lies, does whatever she wants, and is only 5.

The only thing that makes it tolerable for me, its the support, and understanding of my BF. I've never felt like I cannot have a say. However, I am also not her mother, and I will not take the role of her mother. I try to approach everything in a way that I think, how would I feel in that position. So I just wont do it. I try to explain things to his daughter, but most of the time I focus on supporting him, and upholding his rules. My main problem is that, I have increadible anxiety when I know the daughter is going to be around, and have a hard time letting go of the crap his ex says. I know that it's not his daughters fault that she is in the position she is in. But I also have a hard time, bonding with her, or having any type of feeling for her other then dread, and anxiety strictly because she is so hard to handle.

This is my first time dating someone with a child...so dealing with a relationship...that he will have for the rest of his life with this woman, and this child from his past...Is a hard thing for me to grasp. I fear that I am just not cut out for it. I don't want to give up on him, or us. I've tried looking at things differently, or just "dealing," but I am so lost. I've never expereinced these types of ill feelings for a child, and it really bothers me. I also HATE that this woman is a constant reminder of his past. Even though he doesn't let her, or anything else come between our relationship. She is...lets be frank...an idiot, I am so appalled by her is disgusting. As a side note, she also up and took his daughter and moved here from another state. My BF had to sell everything he had, spend all his savings to move out here just to be with his daughter...and is still struggling. Gah, I just don't know what to do. I know it can be worse, much much worse, and that overall the mom being a dingbat is a small thing to handle in comparison, and I know that there are no rule books on how to raise a child, and know its a difficult task. I try to give everything the benefit of a doubt...but then I imagine this child as a teenager....

I feel completely terrible for my feelings, so I was hoping that maybe someone with more experience then me, could shed some light...