Yes, we are from different cultures. What I really can't understand why the question about "daughter shares her father" exists, it is like a madness for me. How daughter can replace woman, why she is the part father's decision to share life with somebody. I am trying to find acceptable compromise and settle the routine how we can deal with it. The problem is she may decide to stop seeing him at all. Plus, they had their own traditions how to spend holidays and have dinners with friends, for 30 years. Now it is all ruined, and he suffers, he basically doesn't enjoy me that much on holidays like he would enjoy to travel or have dinner with his daughter and all the friends. He is such a social creature. I am trying to explain him he has time to find new way to spend holidays and learn how to enjoy it, and may be one day she will join, but he can't ignore my feelings and leave me alone. For me, he is old enough and no time left to spend on conflicts. She just supposed to enjoy time with her father and keep her other feelings restrained.

She thinks I am opportunist who uses her father. I am pretty woman and I can manipulate. I think it is rather upside down so far. It not that much he may offer for me. I don't need high level dinners, private jet or that much property or diamonds. I need simple care and time together.

30y difference

Yes, I was trying to find out how close he was to other girlfriends, but it is hard. He is smart enough to figure out his honest answer may be not that good. My point was, if he was using them for the dinner/sex combination only, it is the problem. He was changing girlfriends times more frequently than cleaner in his house or the boats. I am feeling myself on the same shelf with properties like jet and boat, which needs some care and maintenance, and he provides it. I am definitely looking for something more, and I wish he learned more real relationships and how to respect the woman with whom he shares everyday life.

May be he just doesn't know how to love... He says he loves, but there is almost no "us".

She got enough money to live and don't work whole her life and leave enough for kids. It is not about money.

He thinks love = care. He cares and I feel it. Love is way more, it is about sharing life. He doesn't share.

May be it is not that bad. Some men are able to take care about trophies better than other men about their best loved wives.
It is not a problem his daughter thinks this way. The problem is he thinks the same about virtually every woman in his life. All they want is just a money. You know, there is no woman who wants money only. We all complicated enough to look for love and joy and family and security. If somebody treats as a bed toy, we will expect gifts as it supposed to be for the bed toy. I didn't want to be a bed toy, so I don't want any gifts and small payments for my bills. However, it doesn't mean I don't want anything. I told him at begging, even before our relationships started, I want to change my career and I want him to help me to stop consulting work. I was very persistent in repeating it, till he realized I am serious and it is exactly what I want.
Other problem is he has pretty different view on values and I really don't need most of what he may offer. My generation of IT people has very different values from his age, when people were way more care about personal status and "must have" property. My freedom means a lot for me.

It is exactly what he said "She fights and she will win because she deserves unconditional love". I asked what exactly she is going to win, to get rid of me? In this case I will leave him immediately because it doesn't worth to waste my time and had so much negative emotions. What exactly she is going to replace throwing my out of his life, woman in the bed, companion for dinners, person to see movies and travels together? She lives in 4 hours of driving, hardly able to respond on his calls and emails and mostly he needs to travel to see her. He will flight just to see the house she is going to buy, few days in the row, while I will get almost zero attention trying to do real moving from one house to other. She has a man, horses, dogs, she is a student, wants to have kids and participates in charity. She is busy and going to be even more busy if kids will happen. She has more than enough money plus man who doesn't work because "he helps at house", plus father who watches every her word she would like to say. I am straggling with very simple handyman tasks. We are already on very different positions in his heart. I would call it "dog in the manger". It looks like just a madness for me.

Yes, I told him I feel myself like I am dating married man.

I understand it is about me. I just wanted to share and read responds. I can't change her attitude, but I can explain my position better. I want to have more confidence and more words to protect myself, but understand her and him at the same time. It takes time to realize why you are upset and where is the real border of acceptable behavior for both sides. It took time for me to realize "private dinners with daughter" is actually real family dinners with all close friends, only me excluded. He can't leave me on holidays alone and say "You have your kids, I have my kid". It is not obvious. It just needs time to realize - hmmm, kids are not enough, I want to share dinner with my man, and she needs to share dinner with her man.

I think kids are safe so far. They are too young to understand their mom may be unhappy being without her man on weekends, or why they can't go to the his house to say "hi" because his daughter can be around. We are not talking about it in front of kids.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/04/emotional-incest-pa... - great article

Yes, it is a possible explanation. He left many girlfriends behind, probably too earlier to form any real relationships, but daughter was always welcomed to be in his life. When I am asking what was wrong in all those women (since he is just a perfect man for me), he says "it always was too complicated, my daughter, their kids, their requests...". I am trying to explain him the piece of heart he left for me is so small, looks like a little island in the stormy ocean, to small to live there or even to hold. His ex girlfriends, marinated around by his money and influence, and dear daughter, and many businesses and desire to be always "on top" are loaded 99% of his heart. He spends time with me about the same as play on his phone "I am not playing, I am thinking". Now I understand how those "ex" were convenient - always surrounded by women, but no problems and no obligations, only gifts and dinners.

She had couple wrong marriages and father was always "lifesaver", who will welcome her back. Her current choice is kind of far away from best, since future husband is nice, but not physically attractive and doesn't really work, and she doesn't work. She is definitely trying to create some distance with father, hide some information and delay answers. For example, father doesn't know when wedding is planned to happen.

"Strangely, mothers are left out of the picture almost entirely." - it is a 100% true. Based on story I know, mother is not on the picture.

May be he just thinks his daughter hates me and it is the reason to slow down on communication with him, may be she just wants to create bigger distance with father? Probably both... About money, yes, you are right, those rich people are way more greedy and suspicious about potential sharing money, they are like little dragons, especially when they failed to make some money themselves.

I need to think about it. It looks like possible explanation, but I am not sure he is smart enough to face the separation, return to normal relationships and be a man for woman. I am not scared, but it is very unpleasant situation. I already had experience with step-daughter in my previous marriage, it was terrible teenager SD case, but my husband was always trying to find some balance and protect me, including all verbal and physical abuse. At least, it was clear, 18y edge will solve the problem of mess and screaming in our house. In this case importance of daughter is times more than me, it is not logical. She can't be upset, for any price. Even she is not really upset, but really just doesn't care a damn and it is just one more reason to stop speaking with father, as she did it before.