First post-- need advice on charging 18yo sd rent
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My stepdaughter turned 18 in Sept. I am deliberating about charging her rent. She has a part-tome job, ~25hrs/wk. She does not cook ,clean, etc when she is home, unless told to do something. I also take her to work and back most days.
Mainly when she is home she stays in her room. :? :? :? :?
Please give me your thoughts.
My DH's daughter is 23, and
My DH's daughter is 23, and works 20-25 hours a week. She refuses to work more hours. She lives with BM, and does not do anything but sleep and eat. She does get her own food (fast food) most of the time, but she flipped out when BM asked her for $20 a week in rent. This is why she will never live with me.
You need to charge your SD, and she needs to be doing chores in addition to that rent. If you are driving her, she has no car payment or car insurance. Is she at least saving for a car? There is no reason she cannot pay you something. She should also be buying her food, or at least contributing to the food costs.
Sit down, see what she is bringing home, and find a fair rent charge.
Hellz yes. Assuming she is
Hellz yes. Assuming she is out of high school already, you should definitely charge her rent. How does your DH feel about it? I wouldn't be telling her... I'd make DH tell her that way it would be one less thing that she could pin against me alone.
Bf hasn't been around in
Bf hasn't been around in 10+yrs. Wife is leaving it up to me if I charge her rent. I have thought about $50/wk plus $3 each way for work. A bus would cost her $1.25, and due to its schedule she would have to leave 2 hrs ahead of her start time. A taxi would be $20+ one way.
She has graduated, she says she wants to work more hrs but they won't schedule her. As far as evicting her, thought about it. But I wouldn't feel right putting my kid out in the street. If I knew she had someplace to go, then would consider it.
If I don't ask for it, she
If I don't ask for it, she won't offer at all. Been doing this since mid -June. She has only given me $20 fro gas and thats when I ask for it. and @ $4/gal I figured it to be costing ME $5 a day to drive her.
SUPPOSED to be starting
SUPPOSED to be starting college in Jan. there are no grants/scholarships, So it will be all on her to get student loans.
Your wife doesn't care? Seems
Your wife doesn't care? Seems odd.
Is SD in school? Is she just working 25 hours a week and doing nothing the rest of the time? If so, then I'd charge her some rent. Personally, my goal would be to get her independent...driver's license, car, education.
At 18 and out of high school, she sounds woefully unprepared for a life on her own.
I didn't say my wife doesn't
I didn't say my wife doesn't care. I said she is leaving it up to me. She is like me, just unsure if & how much to charge
Ok. I think it's odd. What
Ok. I think it's odd.
What about trying to get this girl self sufficient?
Well, if she works part time,
Well, if she works part time, doesn't drive, and isn't educated...then one could argue this is the best it will be for her.
And it would be close to impossible to support herself on that long term.
Maybe I just put more emphasis on education.
I guess, in this situation, I
I guess, in this situation, I see it as keeping her dependent.
Should she just go shopping with her money every week? HELL NO.
She should be using that to do things like learn to drive and pay for school. He already said she'll have to take out loans for all of it.
This man's rent/mortgage expense isn't going to drop as soon as she moves out. Why not use this opportunity to get her off to a running start to self sufficiency.
Just in case anyone wonders... I moved out at 18 and supported myself.
Instead of being obnoxious
Instead of being obnoxious give some useful advice or don't reply to posts especially mine.
If you think I'm being
If you think I'm being obnoxious, stick around.
What about getting this girl to self sufficiency? A driver's license, a car, insurance, and an eduation? I don't think adult kids should get a free ride, AT ALL, but I can't understand why you want to charge her rent when she's basically been made into a helpless child.
1. Teach her how to drive.
2. Take her to get a driver's license.
3. Work out a deal/plan for her to get a car.
4. Make her pay her insurance and cell phone...
5. Get her in school.
6. GET HER IN SCHOOL.
7. She may not be able to get more than 25 hours a week. Many employers don't want to pay benefits, so they keep employees between 20-30 hours...that way, if they inherit a shift from someone else, they still won't qualify for overtime.
8. What "life plan" does this girl/her mother have for her? The way she's set up right now, this will be her life always.
I haven't given my older kids a free ride. But I sure as hell don't want their piddly money every month to keep them stuck where they are. I want them in school. I want them succeeding in the long term.
Obnoxious. Psh. It's useful advice. TRUST ME. I've actually been where you are...
SAF - Please tell me how to
SAF - Please tell me how to get SS20 self sufficient because nothing we're doing seems to be working. Here's the scenario - DH paid for his college last semester. He got 4 F's, flunked ALL 4 classes, so 5 months of school in the garbage, my husbands hard earned cash in the garbage. My response? Made him withdraw from school so my DH could get his tuition for Spring refunded. If SS wants to go to school, he's paying for it himself now.
SS20 had a part time job. We never had him pay rent because he has to pay for his insurance, his cell, his gas. Well, now he got laid off.
I think my DH is slipping him money behind my back, I can't say for sure.
DH is online trying to find him a job. Why? Because that's the way he is.
He informed me yesterday that SS has an interview tomorrow and proceeded to tell me that HE found the job for him.
I told him maybe he should go take the interview for him too because he SUCKS at interviews and will probably not get the job.
In the grand scheme of things? He's a good kid. Doesn't do drugs, isn't disrespectful, does what we ask of him for the most part but he has no goals and is LAZY.
WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?!?!
Cheri - that sounds so sad.
Cheri - that sounds so sad.
SS seems to be stressed out about not working but only because he hates being broke. Go figure.
If I ask him to do something he ALWAYS does it. He NEVER back talks or gives me any attitude. This morning I text him to please shovel the driveway, we got snow. I just asked him if it's done and he said yes.
I asked him if he had been looking for work, he said yes. He says at this point he'll be a pooper scooper. He doesn't interview well. He mumbles, doesn't speak up, is a little self conscious I gather.
I want to help him succeed cause like I said he's a good kid, he's just lazy and I DESPISE laziness. I'm not sure what we're supposed to do with him.
I think this might be the
I think this might be the next option if he doesn't find employment soon.
Hey how are you. (StickaFork
Hey how are you.
(StickaFork is not being obnoxious. Trust me, I would have been the first to call her out. After reading on these boards forever, I get stickafork. Stick a fork is about tough love. She's blunt, I get blunt. Not boggled down with smalltalk. I think it's about advice. She's not sugar coating anything. I agree with her. If she was to make it really flowery and nice, it would still have the same message. I can translate for you if you like.) ---
So, your SD needs an education, as does everyone. She needs a driver's license, etc. etc. I hope you encourage her in a positive way to get these things so she can be a productive member of society. It's in everyone's best interest to do so. I hope your wife gets on board with these suggestions.
I am sorry if you feel unsupported & apologize for that. I can assure you, you are supported and being given advice that is sound, perhaps just not in the manner you'd like.
I do hope this helps and best of luck to you.
^^^ I agree with this.
^^^ I agree with this. Nothing aggravates me more than to hear DH say "well sm says, and I agree ..." in all honesty, mom should say and stick to it, even if it's both of your idea.
Also, maybe have mom sit and talk to her (if she hasn't ). She may plan on going to school or whatever, but no matter what she should be contributing to the household as a non schooled adult at this time. Which means either monetarily or through labor. She may opt to do chores over pay rent if she's saving for school.
Normally I am 100% FOR
Normally I am 100% FOR parents getting rent for grown children. I paid rent to my own parents when I was in college, and it was cheaper to do that than to rent somewhere else, so it was a win-win. But I don't agree with it in this situation and here's why...
The time when you start preparing kids for the real world is not age 18. At the very LATEST, it's 16. My kids are 9 and 11 and I'm already preparing them. If she was expected to pay for her own school, and rent, etc. then she should have been told that and she should have started working earlier to save the money to pay for school. College costs have gone through the roof, and it is nearly impossible for anyone to live off a part time job and pay for school. If she funds it with loans, she will only be "stuck" even worse when she graduates, as jobs are not that easy to find for anyone right now. So the best way to get her "out" and stable is to help her get through school with as few debts as possible. Of course, that would mean that someone would need to make sure that her money was going toward school and not "fun."
If she chooses not to go to school, that is a different story. But I think it's wrong to wait until NOW to spring onto her the expenses you think she should cover.
Yes, she should pay rent if
Yes, she should pay rent if she is not going to school full time. Also, if she is not maintaining her own vehicle and insurance, I would charge her for gas.
My kids/skids can live at home forever for free as long as they are in school full time. No school=get a job and pay your way. Welcome to adulthood.
I agree with stickafork, she
I agree with stickafork, she needs to get through college. Is she saving up to pay for college? If so, I would charge her a small amount for rent. I would also insist she take on some of the chores around the house. Is there bus service near to your home? That might be cheaper than paying $5 a day to take her to work.
Yes, I agree with most here.
Yes, I agree with most here. Charge her rent and let her pay for gas. It's your time and trouble taking her the least she can do is pay the gas.
We didn't charge SD rent and I felt we should but DH felt she was working part-time and she could pay her car insurance and cell phone. I felt she got off easy. She didn't lift a finger to help our around the house and I did everything and it was a fight with her to keep her bathroom and bedroom clean. We fought constantly about that. We told her if she didn't like it she could move. She did. She moved up to her HS's place 5 hours away and came back this past week cause she's leaving for the army tomorrow. YIPEEE Maybe she'll learn responsibility. I'll keep you all posted but I think kids need to learn that it's not a freebee out there.
Go ahead and charge her and get her to get another job that makes her work enough to pay for it. School or no school, I had to do it, she can too. I think kids are just plain lazy and expect parents to give them eveything.
No way!
Best of luck
I am the wife of the OP. We
I am the wife of the OP. We took everyones advice(good, bad or otherwise)and my daughter did agree to what we said. One post said that I should not make him the heavy in this and I totally agree with what she said. My daughter is saving money and she did get more hours at her job and she is really thrifty with her money.
That's good news. Do you and
That's good news.
Do you and your daughter have any kind of plan for her future??
Her plan is to go to
Her plan is to go to community college and transfer to our state university to become a registered nurse.
Just a sidenote to everything....She graduated from high school and got her first job two weeks after that so basically she has been working for six months.
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Make a list of chores
Make a list of chores expected at home.She can't be making much money if she's only working 25 hours a week, I wouldn't over charge her too much rent and a little money for gas to help out..just be fair to her and to you.I know of kids who don't work at all, sleep all day, do nothing, but play Video games etc.I have a friend who's SS is 28,does not work,therefore no rent, no chores and his dad says nothing..SM gave him till Spring to get out..if it was my house , he'd have a week !
Just an update even though it
Just an update even though it has been 2 years. My daughter has moved out and paying rent. She is working full time and she did get her license and a car. She is waiting for her loans to come in to go to school in 2015. She does tell me that it's hard but she learned how to budget her money. She still lives in the town we live in so I see her a lot.
ETA-My daughter turned 20 in September.
Congratulations on
Congratulations on successfully launching a kid. Great job.
Please keep us updated on her progress in school.
Take care of yourself.
Congrats on helping her grow
Congrats on helping her grow up!