Number 11 is interesting to me... just the point where she says are you trying to be a better wife than his ex wife.

Is there something wrong with that? I mean, I know that there were certain things that BM did that drove my husband CRAZY, and I make it a point to NOT do those things...

Me too.

What I wish many BMs would realize is that we don't want to have to be the ones doing things like bra shopping with their daughters. In my case, I wound up having to do it.

That is a great article. Thanks for posting it.

Interesting, alot of the ponts on there i never really thought of before. I just thought BM was a horrible person. I think its true, that we as SM represent everything which they failed on, we have their ex married, their kids love us to death and go on about how great we are, we have the nice house, good job etc.
In my case, DH married me within 2 years of meeting me, I am that great ; )! BM after trapping him with child couldnt even get him to live with her let alone be in a commited relationship with her!
But why should us as new wifes/ SM have to deal with their negativity, they should be grateful that their kids have a decent SM to help clean up the BS they caused their kid by messing up their relationship (goes to dads too obv.)SM should get more praise than anyone but we get nothing and are just expected to do all of this BS with a smile!CRAZY!

I read it all, even the comments.
All I can say is WOW is that ever true!!!! In fact I never even thought of most of those things.
I think there should be a list of these somewhere

The older I get the more often I wonder how BM feels now that the kids are adults. I mean, I basically live the life she could have lived with her husband and kids. Of course her bad life choices had a lot to do with that and now that the kids are grown the consequences of her actions haunt her. She used to tell me that we stole/kidnapped her kids from her. That is not true, but I can now see how and why she would feel that way.

The kids don't even know her. She is basically like a distant relative that they see at funerals and weddings. That would really be a sucky ass feeling as a mother. I don't know how she sleeps at night.

From Donald DiPaula

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- She knows that, with what he knows now, given the chance he never would have chosen to be with her when there were people like you available.

************

Holy profound statement. Hits the nail on the head...especially in my case. Makes perfect sense. Thanks Donald.

Great article, thanks for sharing! I agree with most of it. Even though my DH was never married to BM, dealing with her is no different than dealing with an ex wife (I assume). I like the part about the SM being like a mirror for BM- in my case, and in most cases I read about on this website, the BM is a real piece of work. In my case, BM doesn't work, has no education, lives off the state, pushes her kid off on a relative (including my DH's mother) on the weeks she is supposed to have her, will do or say practically anything to get out of taking care of her kid, yet she continues to pop them out (she has 3 kids by 3 different men, none of whom married her)! So I'm sure seeing me with DH is hell for her.. I have a career making good money, have a graduate degree, a home, a car (no she doesn't even have a car lol), & SD loves me and loves being in my home. I guess if I were her, I'd hate me too!