OMG I'm so very sorry!!!!!!!!!!! I will tell you one thing that I've learned though - trust is THE most important thing in a relationship. Once you don't have it, there is no relationship.

Sometimes people can work through infidelity and come out stronger on the other side. I could not. I can't trust someone who would betray me so badly and lie to me. Life's too short to live constantly wondering what he's doing, who he's with, if the words coming out of his mouth are lies.

I wish I could give you advice as far as how to move forward. Only YOU know what you want and how you want to live your life. From what you describe, you were miserable before you discovered the affair. I don't see anything getting any better unless there are MAJOR changes.

I wish you the best and am so sorry!

I think your husband has a problem. With infidelity. He needs to seek help before I would even consider staying with him. Jmo.

Firstly - sorry that you have been treated so appallingly by your DH when you have sacrificed so much of your time and energy trying to love his kids - I expect you do most of the care if them too - cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, etc etc! What a prick treating you like this - jeapordising the bond you have with his kids - so potentially hurting them greatly too - he is a selfish twat! Sorry is not enough - if you do not have kids together I would SERIOUSLY consider moving on at this stage - finding a single man, no ex, no step kids and start a new life with no baggage with a man who deserves you - how old are you?

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. That is devastating.

Your husband clearly has a problem. Have you considered giving your marriage a "break" and insisting that he seek professional help? It is hard to overcome an affair in a marriage. It is even more hard to overcome it without some sort of counseling... and nearly impossible if the guilty party is a serial cheater.

Some men (and women) cheat, just to cheat. Just for the sheer rush of it all. The risk, the "bad boy" instinct in it. It has nothing to do with how their life is at home, or whether or not they are happy... they just have someting inside of them that tells them it is ok.

Seriously - if you don't have kids together RUN - now - because when and if you do have kids with him he will still cheat on you but then it will be too late - you will always be linked to him through your kids - and don't be guilty about leaving your stepkids - they may not want you to go now - but when they are teenagers they WILL change and you will have wasted your life - get away at least to a friends or family member today - take a month for YOU! Away from him - no phone calls, no contact, a month for YOU to decide what you want your life to be - I GUARANTEE you will not look back - xxx

This is just awful! What a scumbag, jerk, asshole, and everything else guys can be! Once a cheater, always a cheater, end of story! I would not believe anything this man says. He probably cheated more than one time! If he LOVES you, then touching another woman should never cross his mind, no matter how good looking (or not). I couldn't imagine my man looking at another woman, touching her, doing all the things to her that he does to me. There is no reason to forgive this pig. His ex wife said he cheated on her so she divorced him and left his family, then he did it to you? Didn't he learn his lesson? Get out now, sweetheart, don't put yourself through this. You need to start putting yourself first, since you have given him everything.
*hugs*

I'm so sorry Carol's,

You deserve so much better. I hope you divorce his ass and then find a wonderful man with no kids who will love you the way you deserve to be.

Life is too short to be treated second class and then cheated on to show his gratitude.

((((((((((((HUGS ))))))))))))))

I am in a nuclear family. I have been married 29 years, since I was 19. (my SS is nephew SS36) No, if my husband cheated I WOULD NOT stay for the kids, and here's why: when one spouse cheats, THEY have left the marriage, so what is left to save? We are Catholic, one of the grounds for annulment is infidelity, and it's for that exact reason- the cheating spouse has abandoned the marriage. And I just couldn't lay with a man not knowing what he dipped his dick in . Gross. I'd rather be alone.

I have some experience in this area, and I would ask you to really think about how you have been feeling during this marriage.

"constantly tired"
"second-class citizen"
"wondering if this is the life I want"
"confusion"
"My life was miserable"
"There is just something missing."
"I am not sure if he can be trusted."

Your gut has been telling you for a long time that the way things seemed to be was a lie, that you were being deceived and used, betrayed and discounted. You have been treated as though you are not real, that you exist as "his wife", not as a human being whose feelings are real, that matter. PLEASE don't ignore the evidence of your own feelings. You are so young, and you have the opportunity to free yourself from a man who WILL NOT change, will lie and become ever better at covering his tracks. You will have that gnawing anxious feeling every day of your life that you remain with him. You have options now, even if you have conceived with him. Don't stay another minute in this situation. You may "love" him, but he does not love you. It is so much better to be alone than deceived every minute of your life.

I can't believe you're even considering staying.

You were not happy BEFORE you found out about the affair .. and that was after what appears to be a significant amount of work. What level of work and effort NOW would change anything?

What are you holding onto? What does he offer that is worth your own sanity, security, happiness, and freedom?

What a terrible way to treat somebody! I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope you take some time for yourself to try to process this shock and get an idea of how you want to handle this. The woman (women?) he slept with may be a nasty ho, but he's the one at fault here. Unless she raped him. Don't let him manipulate you. He sounds like a serial philanderer. They rarely change. Maybe a good first step is to see an attorney to advise you of your rights and maybe a therapist to help you sort yourself out on what you want to do about this. I'd also go see my doctor and get tested for STDs. Not a pleasant thought, but necessary to protect yourself. When your shock subsides, I hope you start making plans to nurture yourself and do things for yourself that feed your soul. Part of that is doing something that you enjoy. Can you afford to leave? His consequence of abusing your good nature and breaking your trust is to feel pain and discomfort. I'd stop caring for his kids, they are his, let him do it all, maybe then he won't have time to go awhoring. And you'll have time to think. You don't have to live like this. If you choose to stay with him anyway, I would encourage you to start refreshing your money-earning skills and get a job asap, so you can take proper care of yourself if he does this again. And if you stay, consider starting your own secret bank account for some get away money, just in case. Hold your head up and be strong, I hope you have a support network to help you through this. ((Hugs to you))

I am VERY sorry you're facing this.

Please know, this isn't about you. You didn't cause anything. Your DH is a serial cheater...it doesn't matter which woman he is with...he still cheats.
It's a flaw in his character.
He will not change. If he would, why didn't he change between wife #1 and #2? Or change when marriage #1 hit the skids?

Your DH has shown you WHO he is. Believe him.

BTW, who cares he's college educated and "from a good family?" Some of the shittiest husbands have those qualities.

Never, ever stay in a marriage for the children. I did it for years, and totally regret not ending it sooner. It would have been SO much easier on the kids when they were younger.

I didn't read any of the other post because there were so many. All I can say is that from your words I hear the saddness and disappointment. The is probably a no win situation for you. I would just move on if I were you. Once a cheater always a cheater. He was never honest from the start. The thought of him cheating while your home with his kids would be enough. Men like that do not have enough feelings or compassion for others. Its all about him and what he wants. Let him go!. YOU deserve better.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Focus on what you need. I know it's hard (been there done that). Once you can think through the situation I imagine you will realize you are better off moving on. I will be praying for you.

My mom cheated on my dad when I was young. In order to save their marriage, my dad was able to find some woman and have sex with her :jawdrop: (I REALLY don't agree with this but I was a kid and didn't find any of this out until way later). They are still married. Will be celebrating their 44th Anniversary next summer.

If I had $10,000, I would bet every last nickle that my mom has cheated on my dad since then, numerous times with numerous guys. I think my dad just loves her so much he is an ostrich about it.

ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER

PS-he's NOT sorry...he is ONLY sorry he got caught! Had he been sorry, it would have been a one time deal and over with. He continued, he's only sorry he got caught.

I don't do the cheating thing. Plus, this is a great way to get away from the skids....NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM Go find a nice, faithful man to have children/marriage with!

So very sorry! I am married to a man who has had a problem with infidelity. He is in treatment for it now. I'm on this site because he got someone else pregnant and my "stepchild" is a child of the affair. I've seen the BM, holy-wookie batman! Don't wait for that to happen...because in my case it's the 2nd worse thing he could've done to me. The worst was giving me "the monster" (of which I have been tested more times than I care to count). Prior to this last time, I was too co-dependant to leave. I put myself in treatment for that to gather the strength to leave. The ONLY reason I stayed this last time (because after all this, this IS the last time) is because he actually has sought help for this problem, and has been consistent and religious with his treatment for years. Trust is very, very hard to build up. I'm not at the point of 100% trust yet, although we go to counseling together to work on that. Trust must be earned and actions must be done to demonstrate the desire to earn trust back.

Chances are this is not the first, nor will be the last. It's the last when they finally hit the bottom of the barrel, HARD. Some of them get to that point, some of them don't. Since he probably cheated on his first wife, it sounds like he's nowhere near that point.

Take care of yourself. Make an exit plan to be safe, if you choose to work on the marriage you need to set incredibly clear boundaries. He needs to fully cut off ties with the other woman. Never, NEVER blame yourself. He is a broken man, and there is nothing you did wrong.

If you do not leave, please at least be very careful. I get to live with his nasty exs past and now have to decide whether I want to have children knowing that it could affect the childs health. sti's are so very common. In my opinion, you cannot cheat on somebody you truly love. But that is just my opinion. Put yourself first, hon. No reason you shouldn't when he sure is not. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Girl, you not being pregnant is certainly a sign from God. Take back your life! Good luck and God bless.

Please let me ask you something. Do you think concealed money in your relationship might be a sign that your spouse is having an affair? There are times that all it takes is just a little concealed money to serve as the monkey wrench that ruins a happy marriage. Personal property that is not shared in a partnership isn't really a trouble sign in and of itself, but when large amounts of cash start to disappear, you need to take notice. Learn more here.

When people say "once a cheater always a cheater" I disagree.

Years ago now, I played a player. He was open about his playing and I stuck around for my own reasons during that time, I learned a lot and how players think.

I can tell you right now that you most likely are being played. He has behavior of a serial cheater. Serial cheaters are the type that usually don't ever stop. They learn by your reactions on what they need to say to keep you assured that you are their one and only and oh how they regret what they did... Does that sound familiar?

Serial cheaters regret is being caught. The reason his eyes don't stray, he is busy watching you and knows when you are watching him. He tries to be careful about not being caught.

The reason I disagree with "once a cheater always a cheater" is I cheated on my first DH and I have NOT cheated on my current DH or have interest in doing so. Sometimes I'm curious what it would be like to have sex with another but I tell my DH when it crosses my mind. That takes the want of cheating away and gives my DH a laugh bc he trusts me and knows I'm only curious about the sex.

Sorry if it sounded like I was turning your post around and saying my story. The truth is, I shared this bc I have seen the ways of a real serial cheater and they don't quit.

What you can do, hire a decoy and find out who your really married to. If he has changed, he won't bite plus he will tell you that so and so was hitting on him. You may try 2 decoys with different looks and personalities.

I couldn't stay, even if he agreed to counseling. I'd count my lucky stars that we didn't have any bio kids to tie us together and haul ass. As much as I love DH, if I couldn't trust him, it would be the end of us.