So confused help!!
Hello everyone!
Ok so have been with bf for 3 years,he has 2 kids 4 and 8 from first wife,I have 2 kids from 1st husband 8 and 11.He is a lovely man and has helped me through a difficult time,and I have him after his divorce.Our kids have gelled well on the whole and there have been no mahjor probs with them all getting on,just the usual stuff with kids!.My kids love him and he is very good with them.
His ex lives about 40 mins away and so does his parents ( who look after his kids alot as their mother is not the best and cannot be bothered ).My kids do not see their dad,but thats another story.We live together but not formally,its all in my name,bills etc as it was my home he has moved into,and it has just stayed that way.He has another home he is trying to sell.
He works away alot and I feel more and more lonely.I would not mind it IF when he was here we spent some quality time together.He is a quite man by nature,and I respect that but he lack of emotional commitment is becoming more and more apparant.He talks the talk but does not walk the walk.I am always making hints that he does not help me at all with any of the bills,his answer is he will when his house is sold and he cannot afford to.Am not rich ad he knows it,he will buy food but thats it.He brings his kids here which is fine I like to see them but they wreck my home and I am always the one that has to clean up,always!.He also seem to go off to this parents alot with his kids like he has another family away from us and it really hurts.I know its silly but even thing like his docter,his mechanic,everything is all in the area where his parents live so when ever he needs something doing he heads off there to his other family.Am I being silly?
I have told him am unhappy due to the lack of quality time we spend together,he does not seem to get it and says he is very happy.Is he using me to live scot free? and have a free maids service ( that me ! ) he is so untidy it is literally driving me crazy.He says he is tired and he is sorry but I am aswell but I still have to work hard to keep a clean and tidy home.I just feel used and lonely at the moment,but also needy as he says he is happy.I am just not having my emotional needs met,its like he is not with me at all sometimes.Like I say he is a quiet person and thats not a problem but when I get very little at all I am just so lonely.I know deep down that he is a great guy though and he has helped me through some tough times,but what now?
please any advice!
It sounds like you pretty
It sounds like you pretty much have your life together and he's become an extra expense.
I would give him a choice. Either help you with the finances or go back to his own house. I would do that before his house sells and there's another thing for you to feel guilty about. Any real man will step up and do what's right. If he ends up leaving, you'll know how he really felt.
Forgot to say its always me
Forgot to say its always me that has to suggesr doing anything,he even wanted to spend the night before my birthday at his mothers with his kids this week,why?he could not really answer me,maybe he is unhappy but does that want to say?.I had to suggest going out for meal this weekend to his usual respeonce," yes whatever you want,I will do whatever you want to do its not a problem " when that is hurtful because its like hes doing me a favour in coming out with me,dont feel he really wants to!
Yes, he is most definitely
Yes, he is most definitely taking advantage of you and using you as the things you listed. Of course he is going to "say" he is happy because YOU are paying HIS bills and being his maid, etc.
Sorry but that is the cold-hard truth....
And why buy the whole pig
And why buy the whole pig just to get a little "sausage"? If you want to keep him despite the obvious red flags and his lack of concern for you, decide what changes you want to see in your house. Be specific, have a timeline of when he has to pay up or whatever and don't accept excuses. If he doesn't shape up in your time frame, tell him to leave. Then immediately change the locks. Don't fall for any lovey-dovey manipulative sweet talk about how things are gonna change. They probably won't. Don't waste your precious time and your heart on users, losers, emotional vampires and n'er-do-wells. They will suck you dry.
He's not a great guy. Great
He's not a great guy. Great men do not use women.
This guy is using you.
Just because he was kind and helped you during your time of need, doesn't mean his heart was in the right place.
Thanks everyone,skygoddess
Thanks everyone,skygoddess what happened? are you still married? xx
"I inherited a lovely, sweet
"I inherited a lovely, sweet and nice man that says sorry all the f'n time. For nothing. If I get upset because my frigging laptop decides to do a windows update in the middle of something I'm doing, he apologies. Why? Because those users trained this man to believe that everything was his fault, he needs to do everything to keep them happy."
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Dtzy!! Where did you get my DH from??
Last night he was telling me about the personality/work issues his NCOs were having - and his response of "suck it up and SAY SOMETHING to the guy, tell him to shut up and go put himself in 'time out' if he bitches again." I asked him why the HELL he couldn't be assertive like that in our relationship - not 20 minutes earlier I protested doing something for my own good, (hadn't eaten, was getting irrational) and he f'n CAVED and apologized for telling me to eat. Really? I've got the mental state of a 5-yr-old from low blood sugar, and you're going to let me run the show?
Gaah!