any tips for "teaching" SKids house rules?
my partner's daughter recently moved in with us full time. She previously had visited for summers and vacations from her mom's (which is in another state). Its been about 2.5 months since she moved in "the move". my struggle is getting her to do her chores and clean up after herself without me having to remind her EVERY DAY.
she has chores and we have "house rules". but i am realizing that she must NOT of been held responsible for her belongs/messes/ etc at her mom's. And i do realize that every home is different, with different rules and guidelines. we have gone over the house rules and chores with her and have them on the fridge. but i pretty much have to remind her everyday and then even after she does something its half assed.
-gather her belongings from the living room/ dining room and put them in her room
-when she is reminded to put her dishes in the dish washer she seems to always forget one
-cleaning up food after she makes herself a bowl of cereal
-after cleaning her room (which is a chore every week) to actually pick everything up off the floor and throw out wrappers/ empty shopping bags, hair ties, etc.
i know it will take time to have her get used to living with us and things we ask her to do (like cleaning up after herself). but i am wondering if anyone has any tips/ systems/etc. that could help eliminate me having to verbally ask/ remind her every day (which feels like nagging and is annoying) to do these things. i was thinking of some kind of reward/ consequence system that isn't too harsh but enough where she starts remembering b/c something is being taken away etc.
thanks
Spanking is legal in most
Spanking is legal in most states, provided that you aren't leaving bruises or degrading them. If you aren't a corporal kind of person, then taking her possessions away is also a good tool. How old is she? Does she care about phone/friends/going out? Grounding is a punishment to both you and her, but it is also effective.
Spanking is the best in my opinion. Usually, they learn pretty quickly.
Taking things away,
Taking things away, punishing...sometimes none of it works. My SS is 18 and we still have to remind him to do chores. This has been on going for 8 years. We tried the taking things away and he would do his chores for a while and then something would mess up his routine and he would forget or as I believe not really care. Now being the SM I am not the one to remind him, that is his dad's job. Some kids just aren't good at following rules such as doing chores unless it benefits them. Such as my SS does his own laundry without being asked etc because if he doesn't he knows he will have nothing to wear, but if he does not do the dishes what is the big deal there are plenty more in the cupboard!
How old is the child? That
How old is the child?
That does make a difference but here try this: Post on your refridgerator the list of chores type it up
Example:
1) Clean room weekly
a)throw out all trash
b)put away all random items
c)do laundry
d)dust
e)vaccum
f) Make bed
Explain each chore in detail of exactly what is expected. Then, when she "forgets" she gets to write the chore list. Multiple copies.
Age 5-7 has to copy it once the first time, then multiply by 2 for every infraction after that
Age 8-10 gets to copy it three times, then multiply by two for every infraction after
Age 12-15 gets to copy it 10 times- multiply for each additional infraction
Age 15-18 100 times: then multiply for each additional infraction after
Copies must be hand written, neatly, not misspelled. If they are messy, mispelled or typed they get ripped up and the kid gets to start again.
Child will either memorize what she is supposed to do and stop forgetting. Or she will be getting lots of writing practice and you will be getting letters home from her teachers praising her penmenship.
This is perfect!
This is perfect!
Sounds great..but I bet my 17
Sounds great..but I bet my 17 yr old SD would not comply..How will she be forced to sit in a chair and write? She would say she was mistreated.
Hand her the phone with the
Hand her the phone with the number to child services predialed and invite her to call.
They will laugh at her. Same way DCFS in FL laughed at my skids when they tried to claim abuse because they were made to do their own laundry.
As to how to make her do it: easy, there is no phone, tv, computer, ipod, friends, socializing etc until it is done. She can sit and do it and get it over with, or can spend however much time she wants grounded until it is done.
Her choice. Up to her if she makes a good one or a poor one.
How old is the skid?
How old is the skid?
How old is the kid?
How old is the kid?
she is 12 years old. the
she is 12 years old.
the house rules are written and on the fridge, the weekly and bi-weekly chores are written and hung up in the kitchen too.
i like the writing the chores/rules down idea... as a consequence
and about having the same chores/ rules as her mom's... not really practical for us. her mom lives 2k miles away. she only goes there on school breaks (and it was vice versa when she lived with mom full time). plus, i know her mom would NOT agree to the same rules. she basically has the same chores as her mom's. but for whatever reason she just doesn't do them thoroughly. probably cuz she just doesn't care and wants to get it done asap so she can get back to her computer. and what kid really does care about cleaning? i just want to be able to stop nagging and reminding and also have her start to do this stuff on her own, if thats ever going to happen.....
Ok, then at 12, this all
Ok, then at 12, this all needs to come from her dad. It sounds like he really hasn't seen her much previously (holidays and summers) and you are not her "parent." Teens are especially resistant to the SO of their parent being the authoritarian.
If, and only if, these are rules your SO believes in (not this is what you wanted and he agreed...sorta) then he needs to enforce them.
Clearly outline what is expected, and what will happen if/when she fails to meet those expectations.
THEN HE MUST CARRY THROUGH.
guess you are going to have
guess you are going to have to HOLD the computer until you "inspect" her chores. once they are done to your liking she could F around on the computer.
:?
"Take aw ay toys until"it
"Take aw ay toys until"it sinks in" make her earn her typos back"
LOL! *snorty* My dear Stepmomma, I think you've eaten too many vodka-soaked gummy bears....
cheers!