Repost: Letter to FDH about SD20
I couldn't even wait until I got home, I was going to explode. I wrote him this then I called him and read it to him. I even sent it too so he would have a hard copy }:)
What do you guys think? Good or bad? Right or wrong?
>>>>So I want to offer my opinion on sd20 and her "breakdown" I don't care if you want to hear it. I am NOT trying to argue with you or start a fight but I NEED to get this off my chest.
YOU ENABLE HER, she doesn't have daycare or housing assistance bc she has it so easy living with you that she doesn't need it, and knows you are a pushover so why should she put forth any effort to get out on her own?
SD20 is in a shitty situation and her baby's dad is a piece of shit. Guess what???? SHE PUT HERSELF IN THAT SITUATION, stayed with a drug addict after he stole from her family. She makes bad decisions then can't handle the mess SHE created.
She thinks she has it rough???? She has free rent, free car, (mostly) free insurance, free health insurance, free electricity, free heat, free water, free cable, free internet, free daycare, free school, free cash every month, free food, free laundry, a (semi) clean house she doesn't help with, someone who grocery shops for her and her kids, free hot dinner every night that she doesn't have to cook for her or her kids....ETC ETC ETC
Get my point????
I'm not being a bitch and picking on her. Someone needs to be honest and tell you the truth bc you are blind when it comes to your kids.
I agree she's in a tough spot and she WILL get through it and its going to be really hard but you know what?
She needs to stop playing the victim and be strong and do something for herself to better her situation.
And you ENABLING her is NOT helping.
Everyone breaks down sometimes, and since she's having trouble dealing with her situation maybe she should go to counseling she gets for FREE through her health insurance. Maybe she should stop by the DR on the way and get meds for her migranes too instead of sitting there crying about it and not doing anything about it.
It's frustrating. SHE makes bad choices and we all have to live with it.
And maybe, she's so skinny bc shes on some shit???
Maybe not but you don't hang out and party with user's unless you are using. I'm just saying, I don't put it past her.
I love you and I'm sick of fighting over the kids.
"People who don't use, don't
"People who don't use, don't hang out with folks who do."
True!
I wonder what he is going to
I wonder what he is going to say back ?? Is this the first real big time you've been so honest with him. My DH hated me using the Enabler word with him, but it was soo true..... Maybe he would get sd20 to take a drug test ?? If she has been involved ( hanging around with, her ex is one isn't he, etc, etc ) in this lifestyle, I think, while she is under your roof I would demand that she takes one, especially as she has little ones.
My DH finally got on board with some actions with my sd22 but it really was too little too late. Whenever, we sat down to discuss things ( when she was still living with us and it was really BAD !!) sometimes I knew he just saw it as me bitching, and attacking sd22, and sometimes he would just use his trumpcard, " well, she'll always be my child, what can I do ?? "
Keep us updated......
I read it to him over the
I read it to him over the phone, he was pretty quiet and said he's not upset and thats how I feel. Nope it's def not the first time, I'm extremly honest with him even if it's hurtful.
He just thinks I'm unhappy and I'm sure he thinks I pick at some things to bitch about but basically try and stick it out till May.........he's not showing any real concern about her using....bc of course he doesn't think she would do that :?
It's all just sickening.
Is he going to make an effort
Is he going to make an effort to stop enabling her now? Anything come out of you saying all of that?
And he's used the same
And he's used the same trumpcard with both his daughters :sick:
FDH does, I cook more than
FDH does, I cook more than FDH but we both do. Besides that I do as little as possible for her and her 2 kids. If I do laundry it's mine, FDH and BD8. Thats it.
And cleaning has been an issue for 1 1/2. I like a clean home and it's not to my standards. It drives me nuts but I refuse to constantly keep the house clean when she doesn't pull her weight so I have been living in an environment not to my standards bc I refuse to be a maid
Good advice, thanks. I agree.
Good advice, thanks. I agree. Talking about our roles in our relationship is going to get us way further than pointing out what a shitty daughter he has!
That is what works best for
That is what works best for me too. Our relationship is...... Our marriage needs..... We should...... Now DH is staying away from SD for the past month except for a few days when he came home. But I honestly believe he is trying to break the habit of SD daily dose.
When I was saying you shouldn't......, or you are ...... we always ended up in a huge fight! And I mean HUGE.
I hope he understands how desperate OP has become with this letter and really puts an effort into his marriage. I so know how she feels.
Honest and much-needed, I'm
Honest and much-needed, I'm sure. Good job!