I am dismissed even though I have a son and he is a ripper kid. My beliefs are similar to yours having been brought up well but with a balance of praise, rules and consequences. Yet still I also get the "You don't like her" or "You haven't raised a teenager.". Oh yeah well I have been a teenage girl and I know when I see one getting away with murder. Not sure what it is with some divorced parents. You know you hit a nerve because I find it unfair that I ask my DH's opinion and respect his views when it comes to my son but he has not once asked mine. Go figure? Sensible adult female in house with teenage girl. Does anyone else see how I could be an ally to assist?

You are not alone.

I got told to mind my business even though I have raised two daughters to adulthood (30 and 28) and they are both well balanced adults in stable relationships and jobs, one has a child herself.
My SDs on the other hand, are no end of trouble because they have been raised all wrong, mainly by the NPD BM.

I don't offer my DH advice any more because he doesn't want it - just watch the slow train wreck happening.

So it isn't just people with no kids of their own who "don't understand". Hope this is some comfort to you.

Well I win because I was brought up by two alcoholic parents. I have 3 adult children all I'm their thirties. 2 girls and a boy. Raised them all by myself. They are all gainfully employed a teacher a cabinet maker and joiner and. HR Consultant. None of them caused me any serious grief. They are married with families of their own. My husbands three all much the same ages as mine well, what would I know. I just don't like them. I don't want DH to have a relationship with them, I am too sensitive. I have to understand how they feel. And a million other reasons why I have no clue whatsoever and need to back off. Guess DH thinks police involvement and lazy good for nothing kids are a badge if honour cause he sure as hell supports them and God help anyone who sees them as less than God's gift to mankind. Especially me.

You are writing your post in the Adult Steps forum so I assume your Skids are adults or very close to it. So you would not be relating to them as children, and should be expected to relate to them as one adult to another. If they are adults it's too late to discipline them but you have the right to expect your DW to insist they treat you respectfully in your home, and that the marriage is her top priority.

I used to get that lame BS too from DH - the inexperience thing. Or I was so affected by the realtionships I had with two older adopted kids who had reactive attachment disorder that it left me 'damaged' - so I just didn't understand that SD38's insulting, sadistic, disrespectful behavior was something I should shrug off.

So how old are these 'children'?

The skids BM was always very fond of telling DH that I did not know "my place". In her mind the SM is of course supposed to open wallet, play taxi, housekeeper, cook, do laundry and pay to entertain the children.

SM is not supposed to be a person of her own. Have her own thoughts/ideas/emotions. Her entire life should revolve around spawn that are not hers, that she has no say in and her very first priority in life should be to ensure they have everything they want.

:sick:

Only once did she attempt to spew her nonsense in person to me. I laughed until I cried- all while pointing at her, shaking my head. Literally almost peed myself. Last time she ever talked to me (she would of course spew to DH) about how she felt I should treat the skids.

I know how you feel, I don't have any Bios yet, but over the years I have often got the impression that they are thinking you are JUST a SM.

I really don't need to have popped out a couple kids to recognise a lazy, crazy BM, bad skid behaviour, or the next set of events leading up to a train crash situation, thank you very much !!

You have 2 ADULT skids living with you ??? :jawdrop:

That's 2 too many for me !!

Well stated Wowthisishard!