Caught my 20 yr old SD in Bed with some random guy
I think the easiest way to do this is by point form:
- married to the best wife ever 4 years ago
- divorced, she has an ex who has no discipline, so the kids get away with everything
- we try to be firm, but kids just run to their father
- I feel like crap because when discipline happens, I'm the bad guy who pushed the kids out of my wife's life
- Step daughter (20 yr old) has flunked out of school, has grade 9 (again, can't tell her anything)
- The longest job she has had has been about 3 months, till she gets fired for a bad attitude
- she does absolutely nothing at home and is a complete free loader
- every time I try to step in and change things, my wife sides with her and leaves me out to dry.
- my wife gets mad a me because she thinks that I think she is a bad parent, which I do. She great at alot of things, just is a bad parent
- when ever I put the pressure on the SD for change, she runs to her dad, who says I'm just a big jerk
- she parties till 2 and 3 am almost every night
- we have found evidence of cocane on her, I wanted to drug test immediately but my wife stick up for her.
- she recently moved in with a cocane user and is now back home, because this is apparently better
- just recently caught her in bed with some random guy....in my house shortly after my wife went to set up our winter home in California.
- through the guy out, had a pretty heated discussion with the SD and asked her to get her life together.
- haven't seen her for two weeks, but apparrently she went back to her dads until her mom comes home.
In summary....I'm done with this kid.
- She has no job.
- I've paid for her life guarding lessons for the second time and have full faith that she will flunk out on this...again
- Im tired of buying her cigarettes, food, energy drinks and supplying a roof over her head for free.
- I have nothing left to give to this spoiled brat and feel that is time for her to grow up.
- For the next few months, I will start making life at my house, the most misserable time she has yet to experience and hopefully she will either improve of ship out.
Thoughts?
Does this SD live with you?!?
Does this SD live with you?!?
Not really sure at this point
Not really sure at this point in time. All of her stuff is at my house, but she hasn't been home in a couple weeks.
if it is your house you
if it is your house you should definitely know who lives there . be a man put your foot down to your wife and kick her adult ass out . you are enabling her just as much as her parents by paying for the things . she is an adult , she is no longer you or her mothers responsibility.
For the next few months, I
For the next few months, I will start making life at my house, the most misserable time she has yet to experience and hopefully she will either improve of ship out.
^^^^ Go For It!
You can quit giving her
You can quit giving her everything she needs, but your wife will more than likely just do it behind your back. At some point, it all boils down to your wife. She'll have to choose, husband or daughter. The girl has grown up this way, she isn't going to change (especially since neither parent will push it).
you're right....absolutely
you're right....absolutely right...and she does do it behind my back. I know that I'm in the right here, I just wish she would see how rose coloured her glasses are wrt her child.
I just don't want the burden of being the one that comes between her and her kid.
My wife is great....this is
My wife is great....this is just one bad flaw that she has and I married her and all her baggage, so I am not going to bail on her any time soon. My thoughts are make life uncomfortable for the SD at home and she'll likely pull the pin and run cause that is her way of dealing with her issues.
Well I do have a say, I just
Well I do have a say, I just have to go to such extreme measures to be listened to. The truth is, she's not my kid, but more like a bad roomate. However, I do fear pushing too hard because my wife just can not let her baby go, even though she is 20.
It is not in my nature to say she goes or I go because I don't think ultimatums work very well and usually are poor ways of dealing with situations that do require a little bit of love. But then again, sometimes pushing back has to be done.
Change the locks...now.
Change the locks...now.
Yes! What these wise ladies
Yes! What these wise ladies have said. Gather up her stuff and change the locks!
It's time for SD to get some
It's time for SD to get some direction. BM is only going to continue to turn a blind eye to her antics. You have to get through to BM and make her realize her enabling is only hurting SD. She needs to learn self-reliance. It's time for her to set goals and get a plan for her life.
SD is also putting the family in danger by bringing random guys home. These are strangers and capable of all sorts of mayhem. As the man of the house, get this situation under control and put your foot down once and for all. SD's needs to know she can't live there open ended. Set expectations for her, set house rules, and let her know what will and will not be tolerated. Make her accountable for her actions and make sure she has chores. Soon she'll want to leave (worked like a charm for my own SD). You'll likely have to be the bad guy here, but for the safety and sanity of the entire family . .it's well worth it.
You have 2 battles.... 1 is
You have 2 battles.... 1 is your SD and the other is your wife. Wife feels sorry for her daughter and spends all her time defending her because bottom line she can't figure out how to tough love this girl... I would suggest that you sit down with your wife and create some rules...get your wife onboard with the rules. The #1 rule is anyone living in the house MUST be drug free. Period - no drugs in the house. The daughter must be subjected to random drug testing to stay in the house. SD must maintain a job AND contribute to the household. You see people need the validation a job gives them. SD must contribute to keeping up some of the chores at the house on dedicated days...no excuses... Rules can thereby eliminate your problem... This girl is prob NOT going to abide by the rules and therefore SHE will be making the choice herself to leave your home. Even if your wife wants to be lenient, you cannot. Your SD needs structure and at the same CONSEQUENCES for not following the rules. I know this is easier said than done when you are dealing with 2 women that are up against you. But stand your ground and sanity will return....