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SD-10: "I'm going to start calling you mom"

melissity's picture

Submitted by melissity on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 12:09pm

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My 10 year old step daughter told me a few weeks ago that she was going to start calling me mom "because I always accidently call you mom, and then I call my mom [my name] and she always gets mad."

I smiled, and told her that was fine. But she never did after that, and hasn't brought it up since.

Here's what bothers me: I have been in her life for a year longer than her step dad, and she has reported that she calls her step dad "dad". Both her and her sister live with me and DH during the week, and then stay with mom and step dad on the weekends.

Question #1: Am I wrong to be bothered by the fact that I feel I am more deserving of the "mom" title than her step dad is of the "dad" title??

Question #2: Is there a way I might be able to make a soft suggestion to put the idea back on the table? Or should I just let her bring it up again?

She hasn't accidently slipped and call me mom since then, so I'm beginning to wonder if her mother has forbid it. Which I personally find stupid, selfish, AND hypocritical.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 1:07pm

Let it go. I do not believe that steps should be called mom or dad. That is reserved for Bio's no matter how bad of a parent they are. Too much pressure to put on a child.

minnmax's picture

Submitted by minnmax on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 1:19pm

I am sure she might have told her mom, or it slipped out in some way, and she thought she may hurt her moms feelings by doing so. Unfortunately like you, I have a BM that discourages our relationship. The fact that she felt comfortable even coming to that conclusion or talking to you about it speaks volumes. In time you must know she will look back on her childhood, and her 'mom', and see that was you.

melissity's picture

Submitted by melissity on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 1:34pm

Thanks guys Smile I know who I am to her and who I want to continue to be. I have never discouraged a relationship between her and BM. In fact when she confides in me about how her mom is irritating her, I make sure to tell her those feelings of annoyance are natural, because that's what moms do, "HOWEVER, she's still your mom, and that will never change. She can piss you off to the end of the world, and you're still going to love her because she's your mom." (I've told her this at least 3 times)

My dad raised me so I can sympathize with her in a lot of ways.