If my DH told me that kid kid was not comfortable around me, I would say..."OK, I won't be around them anymore" Easy peasy! lol

Yes, I was told that too. So I told him guess what? I feel uncomfortable around your kid too. Guess that means we need to not be around each other! HA!!!

My SD, thank God only one demon, went crazy on me on Wednesday night and DH just sat there. She told him she didnt want to be there as long as I was there. She also told me that she was not going to give me what I wanted. She is 20 and wont move out when she is 25 unless she wants and she aint going anywhere. So when I am home she is not there. That works for me. SD didnt know she was actually contributing to my happiness. Way to go. I wasnt feeling uncomfortable around mine. I would just speak and she would to and that would be it. Every once in a while we would hold a conversation and laugh together but once a new rule was made, hell had no fury. But if you can atleast get your DH to see from your side you are a rare one. Just keep praying and dont give up until you have nothing left to fight for.

I used to get the 'uncomfortable' accusation all of the time from both DH and SD. The pupose of an accusation of making Skids uncomfortable is to leave you asking what you did wrong. But the problem is it is so vague you not have enough information to correct the situation. Why? Because they don't have anything else, so they are grasping at obscure straws. When SD had her meltdown, that was the only 'failing' on my part that she could come up with - there was nothing else. I can not believe it but I lived for 20+ years with self-doubt before I finally asked for specifics. I asked DH just WHAT did I do to make SD feel so uncomfortable. He sat there for quite a while in silence with that deer in the headlights look on his face, but could not come up with anything. Then I told him SD and her Husband made ME uncomfortable with their passive-aggresiveness and rude behavior, and I COULD come up with specifics. I've not been accused of it since.

Feeling "Uncomfortable" around someone is a PERSONAL ISSUE. Unless you are doing something on purpose to his kids, then tell your husband his childrens personal issues are not in your control. My step-children tried that crap with my husband and the next time we had them over for dinner, I called them out on it and said very sweetly "what is it exactly that I do to make you feel uncomfrtable"... it has never been brought back up again....funny...

That is great, taking off the door! My sd 32 came for our kid's 16th bday a few years ago and was sooo uncomfortable watching our loving family enjoy the party, that she arrived in CA from FL in the afternoon and left the next morning. 12 hours and has not returned since! She told her sister we "didn't want her there". Yeah she was uncomfortable too. LOL BYE SD!!!

I agree. You need to confront it yourself. I gave my husband 8 years to deal with his daughter. I have always believed it is up to the bio parent to deal with their children. I think when others especially the new wife butt in it leads to greater trouble. Now I still believe that, and experience has proved it to be true. However in sitting back waiting for DH to do a job he clearly had not a clue how to do, my self esteem, confidence, physical and emotional health went to hell

As I said it took me 8 years to finally stand up for myself and I was forced into that to save my sanity and because the marriage had gotten to the point I felt all I had to lose was a man who was so emotionally invested in his daughter that he could see no one else but her. . My husband did not love his daughter he was IN love with her. She was in fact "the other woman" and given she was his daughter this turned my stomach.

With the gift if hindsight I would have dealt with this completely differently. With the "But I Love Him" blinders off I now realize what I should have done. I would have the first time she was rude, and that's putting it mildly, I would have after she left said to my husband. If she ever comes to my home again and behaves like that. You deal with it there and then OR I will deal with it. I was stupid to respect my husband so much that I had ultimately NO respect left for myself.

I cannot tell you how much damage that 8 years of abuse did to me physically, emotionally and mentally. Do not do that to yourself please.

A marriage is about mutual caring and respect. It is about two people wanting nothing but the very best for each other. Each at times making sacrifices for the other. It is about forsaking all others and each of you puting each other first.

It is not about either if you sitting back and watching the other being hurt, disrespected, isolated and verbally abused and thinking that's ok because this abuse is being dished out by your daughter or a member of your family. It is NEVER okay to allow this. It should be knocked down hard the very first time it happens and the bio parent should be the one to knock it in the head there and then if you have a partner who fails to respect you enough to do that, then you have every right to stand up for yourself. More importantly you NEED to stand up for yourself as you need to show your partner you will not only tolerate this lack of respect from his children, but you will not tolerate it from him either.

The crucial factor in this is timing. The longer you accept it, and no one deals swiftly with SD the longer it continues. Then when you are finally broken, and you will be. It has become so entrenched in the family dynamic DH doesn't even know what the problem is, let alone how to deal with it. You are then out on a limb fighting for your sanity your health and your marriage and it is a fight because everyone else us comfortable in the situation and then you arc up. Suddenly YOU become the problem. You are the one complaining and you are the one wanting to change the status quo. Don't go there, nip it in the bud. Giving Sd chance after chance after chance doesn't work. The more chances you give her the bigger a fool you look in her eyes, the more she thinks she is right, the worse it gets.

I'll tell ya uncomfortable! I have a gay 18 y/o Stepshit that ordered giant dildos online and had them sent to the house before he went to college.

He opened his "Giant Cock Creamer" and left the packaging lying around the living room. Eeeewwwww! He has no shame.

Lol. Well he'd have trouble saying he wasn't comfortable around you wouldn't he. That's about as comfortable as it gets

My SD tried to pull the uncomfortable card on DH too in June. We were to go out to a birthday thing for younger Sd who is not a problem. Older SD tried to speak for both and said they were "uncomfortable" if I was there. Turns out younger SD is NOT uncomfortable - just older SD. DH spoke to younger SD to find out what the heck was going on now. Older SD just wants to keep alienating me and making me out to be the bad guy, but she just made herself look stupid that time.

I just ignore her now. Not ignore by being rude, ignore my feelings towards her. I am polite and civil if in her company the rare occasion. That is all I expect from her as well. This seems to be very difficult for her for some reason. She misses the drama and infighting. I don't miss it at all.

In closing, if SD is uncomfortable - she should just stay away then. We are not changing or jumping hoops to try to please them - since they are never happy anyway - why bother.

I always feel uncomfortable around my Skids too, even after 22 years. I think there has always been a part of me that has kept my distance and that is part of the reason, other reason has been that i realize they wish i was not around to begin with. It is not difficult to pick up on that kind of vibe. Every holiday or family function i am basically just "there" like a piece of furniture. Nobody has ever really put any effort into trying to be close to me so i guess i have returned the gesture.

I am going back east this weekend to run a race with my sister. I will be in the same town as my SD but have decided to spend the time with my sister and not looping her or her drama in. So this means i basically have to lie about my trip. There is still a part of me that feels guilty but i cannot help the other part that feels a sense of relief that i do not have to spend time with her.

Anybody else feel this way?