DOES ANYONE EVER SAY THANKS FOR GIFTS & FOOD etc.??
Our sd's 35 & 40 NEVER SAY THANK YOU for any birthday, XMAS, grand child gifts given or meals, staying in our house (6 of them) in the last 18 years. The words just are not in the vocab and I wonder if anyone deals with this. Last summer after sd40 moved near us and our 2 kids we let 6 of them stay at our home as our kids were away. Ir was slavery and we were sooo generous cooking cleaning buying doing for the ad and her 4 kids & husband. Not a thank you, that tastes good, thanks for making cookies and milkshakes.Later when our kids came home we explained there is not room for 10 people in our tiny house and the fireworks started. Arguing, no money, (fyi they are millionaires), arguing about why why why. I stated that I was not amenable to giving our daughter 20, a reason not to come home cuz the house is full of people sleeping on the floor that have been mean to them for 18 years. AWKWARD!!They stayed at a hotel although she stated she would do it "just this once". Her young kids came here looking alienated and acting cold. Now she is very uptight and not spoken about holidays but is waiting for us to invite them. SD 40 wants to be like a third kid of ours and be welcome in our home without saying thanks, helping, bringing anything or cleaning up. We are like salves and due to their lack of gratitude I dread seeing them. Now they want us to come see them as I will not stay at her house...also there is only 2 of us. Am I being unreasonable??? We are not an B&B....
In today's world, it seems by
In today's world, it seems by my experience, you have to to teach kids, that means kids that are adults, to say thank you, please, etc...
I have 2 SD's , 16 & 21 now, and they never said thank you or please...but they soon listened and caught on to my 2 kids 17 & 20 now, saying it all the time.
All the kids were probably 10-14 when we started dating. I strongly believed in teaching my kids manners, my DH did not. I had to say it over and over again, about how his kids never say thanks. It's been a struggle.
But, you are dealing with a woman! Who is raising her own children! I have a step mom and I would never NOT say thank you or be willing to help out, due to respect for my father.
I would not stay with them, stay at a hotel, get some peace at night..Life is way to short to have to settle...
our own kids are incredibly
our own kids are incredibly well mannered and always write thank you notes and are gracious because they really do appreciate anything that they get. The sd's do not express appreciation on purpose because, as my DH say,s they are not appreciative and feel they are owed! Over the summer we spent time with the grandkids that she kept from us for 15 years. They also say nothing nice EVER! She has raised clones of herself! It is not fun to buy, do, give, cook, clean and and get no positive feedback. Its just work. Also, there is not any 6 humans on the planet I want coming and going thru my house, not to mention ungrateful sd and her clan. IS IT UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT 6 PEOPLE TO FIND THEMSELVES A PLACE TO STAY?
Hmm. It pains me to admit
Hmm. It pains me to admit this, if BM did any one thing right with my 3 SDs, it's the fact they use "please" & "thank-you" & "excuse me".
Had to re-train them, tho'- You don't say "excuse me" after you break wind. Do not draw attention to the fact you just farted, and saying "excuse me" after passing gas at the dinner table is still bad manners!! :sick:
i've decided that this
i've decided that this christmas, i don't want my name on any gifts to my DH's family; skids or his mother. i don't get any thanks from them. sometimes DH will tell me they said to tell me thank you but that's not good enough for me anymore.
his "kids" are 22, 24, and 27 and his mom is 74. they're old enough to know better. i will no longer have hurt feelings because they don't thank me (or call me on my birthday or mothers' day). i won't give them the satisfaction of thinking i care enough to give them something because i no longer do. i'm done.
Speaking of thank-yous, last
Speaking of thank-yous, last year when SD was staying at our guest cottage she claimed she cleaned the living room adequately for the renters we had coming in the next day. I went in to check and she had stuffed all her kids toys in the cabinet under the TV so if you opened the door they all flew out at you. This is NOT what I thought cleaned up was. I didn't say anything but after she left I promptly put all the toys in a bag and stuffed them in the shed out back.
She complained to DS that I didn't thank HER for cleaning up more than usual. The bloody nerve. I actually mentioned this incident in our one time letter exchange mentioning all her bitching about me. I said, did YOU thank us for using the cottage though, NO!
It is all about them and how we should kiss their freakin asses all the time. No gratefullness or respect, just bitchin. Just saying. grrr
It DOES make me wonder if
It DOES make me wonder if DH's 'thoughtlessness' is a passive-aggressive move to make SM's feel guilty and responsible for ensuring the 'poor' Skids get attention. And my DH completely bought into it too. Hey, it made it a lot easier on him, right? I can remember reminding DH that it was SD's Birthday or if he had sent her anything for Christmas or had he called her lately. As you pointed out, and I hadn't realized, the last Christmas present I bought for SD was very rudely rejected. DH gave her the present but she knew I had taken the time to shop for it. It must have appeared to SD as if DH could not bother to take the time to pick out something for her – and I can't blame her. Not once in the 21+ years we've been married have I seen him actually pick out a gift for her. No wonder she will not communicate with him anymore. And he completely brought this on himself.
You seem to have a handle on who really was responsible for making the effort. Too bad my SD and DH still can't seem to realize this. Too bad my SD's anger is so misdirected at me.
Its the changing times,,
Its the changing times,, people think they are owed.. Just let the world get its hands on them for a few years and the smart ones learn that anything given is a gift and the only thing owed is a thank you..
seems like step aside it
seems like step aside it right. its not logical to expect gratitude from sd's that wish their dad had never met, married, and had 2 kids with you. My Bad!! After many years I should know this, but...I guess I keep hoping that they will grow up. By nature I am generous and it is harder to sit around and not be hospitable for me....but I will have to work harder at it as it makes me feel bad to be disregarded.