At my request, my H *was* making a schedule for the skids visits. He stayed consistent with it for about a year. He would do several months at a time and, per my support and guidance, would engage with BM to negotiate the schedule so that everyone's plans were being accommodated. Well, August was the last month of the last set of scheduling he had done. He hasn't made a new one. I've been asking him since July if he planned on creating another one for the remainder of the year. He keeps saying that he will do it, but he hasn't. He keeps "forgetting."

I love the schedule. It helps me to be able to plan my weekends. I try very, very hard to keep my mouth shut when I know that they are coming over. The key is, that I KNOW that they will be coming over.

More and more my planning on their weekends is to make sure I will be in the house as little as possible when they are here. More so with SS than SD.

The schedule also works for when I have "adult plans" for the weekend and need to make sure the skids aren't going to be here. I could let me H know in advance so that he could incorporate it into the schedule from the beginning. Example: I am planning a Mary Kay party for November 3rd. I don't want either of the skids nor my own son hanging around or have to worry about my H taking them somewhere during the party and worrying about them showing up during. It's best if to just plan in advance for that weekend to be "kid free."

I think it's time to put some pressure on him to sit down to make it. I can't handle this "flying by the seat of the pants" crap. Especially for when SS is going to be here.

No you are not wrong, but you cannot force the non custodial to take the child, nor can your wife force him to. If they are arranging visitation for their child and neither parent has a problem with it, then you should not either. I would not let it change my plans at all.

I wish my husband's ex would have taken visitation. She never did. I am actually jealous of people whose steps spend any time away from them. I never got that break.

Not a policy - a court order. Its the only way to go. If everybody is co-operating then trade-offs or changes can be made. But if one or the other or both are not co-operating then what is written is what happens.

My only exception to the visitation order came when the kid(s) was sick and my ex and I agreed they should stay in their own bed. Besides who needed the germs eh? ;/

And Christmas - in my personal situation the ex always had a mound of presents which I thought was crass and usually only purchased one thoughtful gift. Since the kids were anxious to get to the pile of loot I just let them stay with her Christmas morning and picked them up in the afternoon instead of trading Christmas back and forth.

Eventually she needed a 'out of sequence' weekend and I co-operated. That opened the door and after that we traded on a few occasions but when the order was first put into place it was followed to the minute. When she tried to stop one kid from showing up I asked the court to find her in contempt and she almost went to jail. Very handy thing to have.