Feelings and actions
I think about these two things a lot as a SD and a sm. And while I can understand why a lot of adult skids feel the way they do, I think they let their feelings control their actions way too much.
I've never met anyone who likes or even cares for every single person in their life. But my close family and friends and I make it a point to treat everyone with respect. Even if we don't like them. We don't burden innocent people with our insecurities.
Every now and then, we seem to encounter sks on this site who "want to make peace." So for all of those adult sks who will come here in the future claiming to seek that, I thought I'd share some ideas and advice.
Many of us here are also SKs. And many of us aren't friends with our stepparents. But we make it a point to get along nicely with them. This isn't kowtow-ing to the stepparent. It's getting to see mom/dad more often and having everything go peacefully for all involved.
Many of you have SOs. Think about how you want your parents to treat them. Don't you want them to be nice and respectful to them? That's what your parents want from you towards their SOs. You can not like someone but still be nice and respectful to them. You may be with or have been with someone who is a complete dud. You may also think they are the greatest person to ever grace the earth. You want your parents to treat your choices and your SO with respect. Your parents may not say these things directly to you, but I can guarantee you that it's what they want.
Don't let your feelings dictate your actions all the way. If you have an issue with your stepparent, resolve it with them like an adult. Get yourself counseling. Exercise. Write it all out. Nobody us saying you have to keep the anger/negative feelings inside. But there are appropriate ways to let it all out, and innapropriate ways to do so.
It costs nothing to be nice. At the end of the day, you'll be a better, bigger and more patient person for it.
Very well said. My sk's wont
Very well said. My sk's wont accept an apology even tho I have never done anything to them accept finally taking up for myself when I had all I was going to take off them.There is no way they would think of their dad and how it hurts him.He is never thought of . I have learned never to say your sorry when you didnt cause any trouble.My apology was slam right back in my face. I was told I made my bed now I need to lay in it. For me as a Christian my conscience would drive me nuts if I treated family or anyone like they do. All my DH kids's goes on mission trips to help the poor and get up in their church and sing and tell people how much they love Jesus and how they love to be good to people but they dont tell how DH grandkids isnt welcome to come to our house and how they treat me and how they mistreated my daughter causing her to disengage from them forever.Just plain redicilous. I would love to make a speech at their church and tell them the truth but i cant do it but i sure want to. }:)
Very well said. My sk's wont
Very well said. My sk's wont accept an apology even tho I have never done anything to them accept finally taking up for myself when I had all I was going to take off them.There is no way they would think of their dad and how it hurts him.He is never thought of . I have learned never to say your sorry when you didnt cause any trouble.My apology was slam right back in my face. I was told I made my bed now I need to lay in it. For me as a Christian my conscience would drive me nuts if I treated family or anyone like they do. All my DH kids's goes on mission trips to help the poor and get up in their church and sing and tell people how much they love Jesus and how they love to be good to people but they dont tell how DH grandkids isnt welcome to come to our house and how they treat me and how they mistreated my daughter causing her to disengage from them forever.Just plain redicilous. I would love to make a speech at their church and tell them the truth but i cant do it but i sure want to. }:)
Excellent post - you said it
Excellent post - you said it all very very well!!!!!
So true, every and I mean
So true, every and I mean every arguement that we have had with SD is about what her SS/SB/BB got and she didnt. You would think she was keeping a little black book with whats and what nots marked down. Grow UP Skid, its not and never has been about YOU!
"Actually worse than
"Actually worse than prostitution. Prostitutes actually offer something in return for the money they get, not just more shitty attitudes and head games."
Scary and unfortunate but true. I think there needs to be a new term created to describe this type of behavior. How does emotional prostitution?
I am so afraid of this w/ my
I am so afraid of this w/ my own DD10. Simply put, though, I was just at a different stage of life when I had her than when I had DD15mo.s. DD10 doesn't and has never gone without, but I haven't always been able to buy her new clothes or the exact this or that that she wanted. I'm older and life is more stable now, and I could easily see a day when DD10 gets jealous of her little sister b/c "I never got blah, blah, blah."