Well, for me it took 7 years to become the bitch from Hell.

I've begged, pleaded, tried to reason, got pissed and everything in between. Then there was an event this summer that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I've completely disengaged and sought counseling and threatened to leave. He got scared and is now seeing the counselor too.

I have not had sex with him in 2 months either. He can call me selfish all he wants. My needs have gone unmet for 7 years and everyone including him has treated me like a 2nd class throw-away.

No more! I've lost all my respect and passion for him and I hate his ex with burning fire and his 2 spoils kids (the step-shits) can kiss my fucking ass.

I just BLEW UP like a volcano about a month ago and I did ask him what the hell was wrong with him and how could HE and his asshole kids treat me like that if they loved me. He just stood there stammering.

I've ordered the book Stepmonster and even reading the book reviews has brought me tears of relief. Go get yourself this book too! http://www.amazon.com/Stepmonster-Look-Real-Stepmothers-Think/dp/0618758...

Don't let them walk on you and crush your spirit too!

Yes you are normal. In my case I could not get over the bitterness, anger, resentment - and am getting a divorce. It is better than living with someone I have zero respect for and a whole lot of anger toward.

Had he been willing/able to make some compromises/changes - maybe I could have stuck it out. But he was all talk in that regard.

While I am indeed sad that I didn't have a "forever marriage" (cue the dancing rainbow, lol), I already feel soooooooo much less burdened by all those negative emotions and am moving forward with my life - work, friends, classes, hobbies.

It is what it is.

I have been with DH 21 - 22 years now. Last 5 have been hell. SD and DH started an unhealthy emotional incest type relationship - she moved into our neighborhood and he would visit with her daily. She was slowly poisoning him against me and I could feel it getting worse every day. I finally disengaged because if I am not in her company she has nothing to pick apart. They were both trying to change me - into what? I don't know.

I have lost a lot of respect for DH and do feel bitter and resentful for the pain he has caused. His betrayal of our marriage, not setting boundaries with SD and for sharing our secrets / marital & financial issues with his daughter.

Not sure if we will make it. DH is currently living at our cottage and I see him on weekends right now. This is working well for us as he is not able to go see SD. I am hoping he is cleansing his mind and getting himself grounded. Not sure if it will work, since as soon as he comes back to our house I am sure it will all start up again. We plan on moving away from her - at least I am! Not sure if he will be welcome to come.

As for more problems from divorce - well if i stay single for a long time (maybe forever) I think I will avoid a lot of the troubles I currently have. I don't wish for my BS to have a step -dad - ugh. No way, jose. I really like being alone and on my own so for me I think divorce would uncomplicate my life. It really seems to be more complicated after divorce when new partners come along. No thanks to that!

Well, I've been married almost 30 years, since I was 19, and instead of being a carefree newlywed I was raising my husbands 6 year old nephew. And 3 fantastic kids later I wonder all the time- should I have left? Should I leave? As OP said, I get treated like a 2nd class citizen on so many levels. I'm second to just about everyone in DH's eyes. I'm invisible. And I find it interferes with my hard earned sobriety.(I'm an alcoholic.)The other night I went to a lecture, you get a lot of this in the alcoholcs world, where the guy basically said we're all shitty weak people and we need to buck up. I'm tough, but I came home( to a messy dirty house BTW)told DH about it,and how I didn't think stuff like that was productive, and he said "that's because you ARE ctn!" The woman who raised 4 kids, took care of him and everything house related, shit on his shoe. When I try to talk about it he gets scared and is nice to me for a few days, but I know it's not genuine. What's kept me here? The kids(they're my world, even CTBB lol) and my Catholic religion. But my youngest is twelve and those threads are getting thinner and thinner. I'm the only woman he's ever loved, he was a baseball player when I met him and they get more tail than Frank Sinatra, but when he met me it was only me from then until now. But if he loves me sooo much and would die without me, why does my happiness mean so little?

because it doesn't mean as much as his own.

My Dh and I have been married 16 years. I think what kept me in there is he is my best friend. I tell him everything I feel, see, think, etc. I knew his kids would be adults one day and I had hoped that we could have a good relationship with them but that isn't happening. We have also gone through counseling together and with skids. He has always struggled with setting boundaries with his family, etc. He is better at it now and of course I am the bad guy making him a cold unloving person. DH has always known his mom's blatant disrespect towards me and now recently with his sister. He has taken the stance that what they do against me is against him. This is new for him though and I can tell it is hard on him. His skids make it pretty easy now since they don't come around, nor do we hear from them.

Can WE fix it Saffron. It would be easy if they had put their daughters every whim before their wives two or three times and then realized the hurt they were causing us. However when it goes on for years and years and not only do they never stop but worse still get angry with us for not loving being treated like shit by his offspring and for objecting to our husbands neglecting us because they were do besotted by SD then years of resentment naturally build up. For me unless my DH has a brain transplant and says I am so sorry for everything I allowed my kids to do to you, I was wrong it will never happen again ever. From this moment on you and our marriage come first, I suspect the resentment will always bubble below the surface just waiting for him to cut me to shreds again over his daughter and once again it will spew out. Don't know how long anyone can go on like this and don't see DH acknowledging his daughter is a trouble maker anytime soon.

It's not easy to get that loving feeling back. I resent DH for allowing SD to treat me like S!@, and not encouraging her to move out after we got married. I don't feel the same about him and likely never will. I also resent him for allowing me to move into a house with SD without warning me about her nasty disposition first.

There have also been many days when I wanted to end the marriage, but I know I have to forgive him to move forward. The passage of time will hopefully diminish the resentment.

It's been a long slow road to getting back to normal, but I'm hopeful that we'll get there in time. Just not having SD under our roof has made a huge difference.

I feel that way. And you know what? We will always be the 'bad' guy. I learned that this weekend. It doesn't matter what they do; what you do....you are the 'problem' I cannot believe the lack of respect that I was shown this weekend. And you know what they call us; right? Their biggest problem is how they over-estimate their intelligence and UNDER-ESTIMATE mine! THAT is what is going to get them in the end. Just a little bit closer day by day.