What was it like for you in the beginning? Positive and then deteriorated or always bad?
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My situation was amazing for about 5 years. Then it went downhill.
I do blame the biomom. She badmouthed me so much that my skids are completely different now. - EVEN though I had NOTHING to do with the divorce and didn't even know my husband until 2 years after!
it's very hard to parent children that you had a very close bond with when their mother has done everything in her power to destroy the 'other house's way of life so to speak.
We had a few good years. The
We had a few good years. The older they e gotten, the worse its gotten. SD changed almost overnight when we got married. SS, however hasn't changed on bit, and that the problem. Behaviors that were mildly annoying but understandable at 3 and 4 are now infuriating at 10.
We had very few "ok"
We had very few "ok" MONTHS...lol it went downhill quickly once we moved in together...VERY quickly.
We were all happy for about a
We were all happy for about a week, then it all went to hell quickly. I dislike SD more and more every day, and DH thinks I am the devil for disengaging from his princess.
Things were great until they
Things were great until they moved into my apartment then my house. As soon as they moved in SD11 was left with me for months straight when he worked all day and he still acted like it was just the two of them. I wish every day I could go back and not move in together, but at the time I had just had BD and I wanted SO there, not that he was ever any help at all. Moving in added so much more stress to my life.
Great for the first year (we
Great for the first year (we didn't live together). Absolute Hell for the following 2.5 years. Now its getting much, much better.
(I've learned to disengage successfully).
It was a living HELL for
It was a living HELL for about 1 1/2 years. BM called constantly, stalked us, threatened me. She had other people follow us, call us and threaten us (me mostly). She would call the house and ask for "her husband". She would tell SS that I was mean, and I would hurt him. She would keep SS from DH if he didn't do exactly what she wanted him to like go to HER house to see him, give her 50% of his paychecks so on and so forth. She took DH to mediation 5 times before they FINALLY settled on a schedule. And only settled because the mediator basically told her that she was fighting a losing battle and no judge would agree with her crazy requests. It was a nightmare.
About 1 1/2 years in, I took it upon myself to email her. It couldn't have really gotten any worse, so I figured what do I have to lose? It actually worked. She and I work together now for anything that has to with SS.
I think BM is a complete idiot. Things in that department have not changed. After years of complaining and arguing I finally came to the realization that I cannot change her. I cannot change DH and how he deals with her. The only thing I can change... is ME. So, I come here and vent about what an idiot she is, and just make sure I am doing my part to make sure OUR home runs smoothly. Ignore the crazy person!!
I first met the 3 skids
I first met the 3 skids (SD11, SS10, SD8) when they were very young (the youngest was only 18 months) and things were fine - SD's would always want to comb/play with my long hair, and once while watching TV, SS4 (at the time) was holding my hand...But, once BM realized how much they liked me, they started to change - no doubt because of her. But I'm also at fault because the more they started to act like BM, the more I saw THEM as BM (unfair I know). Then, I got pregnant with FDH and my 1st son together and things went a bit more downhill. I got superprotective of him - the skids were/are all quite aggressive with each other, so I didn't want them hurting my kid. I hate to say that I've grown apart from the skids - I'm civil to them, but I do have a lot to say about them to FDH (about their lack of manners and negative behaviours and how BM is raising them to be trouble makers, to which he agress).
The main problem is BM (surprise surprise). Despite having been with the same guy for as long as FDH and I have been together, she still thinks she's got a say in what goes on in OUR house and is always starting up some kind of drama or another. If things are quiet between them for awhile, she's gotta start something up :? She'll never be satisfied as long as we're together - heck, she wouldn't be happy unless FDH is as miserable as she is right now!