Hello,

I am relatively new to forums and I'm only reaching out because I am in need of advice and insight.

BACKSTORY: I have been married to my wife a little over 1 year and together we have a 1 year old daughter and my wife has a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My wife and her ex were not married and at the end of their relationship, the created a notarized agreement stating the details of the custody of my step-daughter (SD). It is a shared custody agreement and financially, the biological dad (BD) is to pay for health insurance and after school daycare. My wife was then responsible for extracurricular activities, school lunches, clothing and other needed supplies. This agreement was in place before my wife and I were married as my wife and the BD have been separated for over 2 years now.

SITUATION: Between my wife and I, we are making just enough money to get by month to month and we're trying to save what we can. We don't live lavishly at all and operate on just a few hundred dollar surplus a month before any savings can be done. We have past medical bills to pay and things come up from time to time that we try to take care of. Initially, my SD was enrolled in a gymnastics program that cost $250 per month and was really a large expense compared to the other items in my family's budget. My SD has dropped SD and started softball. Her BD is very insistent on having her in multiple after school activities and doesn't believe my SD should have much down time. He does not feel that softball is enough at this point and wants to enroll my SD in dance classes that may cost a $200 a month. Needless to say, this would all but eliminate the monthly surplus my family has.

QUESTION: I live in Iowa and I have read some information pertaining to my state for which both my wife and I's income is obligated to my SD's upbringing. Is it possible for my SD to benefit and utilize three adult incomes? I just don't see how this is fair to my family unit and especially my biological daughter who only gets to benefit from two incomes - my wife and myself. I don't want to resent my SD but if my family is put in a position to pay for these extracurricular activities at the expense of not being able to save for my biological daughter's future.. I don't know how I could not have some resentment. Is my income really part of this situation? Can I do anything to protect my family? My wife is taking this hard as she is torn. I'm afraid she is taking my wanting to protect our daughter's interest as choosing against my SD.

I would really appreciate any advice, previous experience or expertise. I am so concerned about 1. the welfare of my family and 2. the potential negative facet that may be added to my SD and I's relationship.

Thank you all in advance for any help you can offer.