Is it out of line ..
For DH to call the skids teachers in TX and ask that she send us updates and keep us informed on their progress? Not like a weekly update, but just consistent with anything she would send home if the skids were living here.
We have ZERO faith that BM will communicate this stuff. She has already refused to provide SD6's soccer schedule so we know when her games are (only for the simple reason of being able to ask her how her game went). We assume that is because DH didn't pay half of the $50 registration fee that he's not required to pay.
I know he has the RIGHT to do these things, but should he ask BM for the info first (not permission, but to see if she will share the info before we go directly to the school)? The last time we dealt with BM and schools, it was a complete and total nightmare.
I'm just wondering if you would be upset if your exH contacted your kids school without your knowledge? Or if this is a totally reasonable thing to do?
Sidenote: The skids are in TX with her for 4 months. We want to keep a close eye on their progress, attendance, and records because we will ultimately be fighting for school year custody in the spring.
Depends. I had full custody
Depends. I had full custody of then BS15 in high school, and for a good reason too. Anyways, yes, I would have been floored if my ex-H had gone behind my back about then, BS15.
The custody situation you describe is too evasive. What are the conditions?
They have joint legal and
They have joint legal and physical custody .. it's NORMALLY 50/50, with the exception being this 4 month stint in TX. DH is normally very involved in their school and daycare when they're local .. so he doesn't want to change that while they're away, especially since it's so temporary.
BM is in TX for school .. skids will move back here in December.
He doesn't want to lose
He doesn't want to lose involvement in their lives just because they're with BM for a few months
I'm just wondering if you
I'm just wondering if you would be upset if your exH contacted your kids school without your knowledge? Or if this is a totally reasonable thing to do?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
He is the father...he has every right to that information.
Yes, absolutely .. just
Yes, absolutely .. just trying to prevent waves if we can ..
At the end of the day, ALL communication he has with his kids is dependant on BM's cooperation while she is in TX.. creating waves WILL result in her withholding phone/skype time with his kids. I have NO doubts about that.
My kids' schools were happy
My kids' schools were happy to provide the info to my exH and it didn't bother me at all. I was actually impressed that he was interested enough to want to know how our kids were doing in school to take the initiative.
^ THIS! You go girl!! Too
^ THIS!
You go girl!!
Too many crazy BM's withhold the information to punish the dad. It's nuts! Kids benefit tremendously from having both parents involved in their education.
No, I don't think it's
No, I don't think it's out-of-line. My H had to do the same thing, because BM wasn't sharing ANYTHING with him. Come to find out, SD, unbeknownst to him because BM hid it, was being tested for a Learning Disability and Emotional problems. THEN, BM wasn't following through with the appointments, etc. nor would she relay ANY information to my H even after she found out that he knew everything. Ultimately, my H was able to provide the teachers, social worker, etc. all of the information they needed to proceed forward to get SD the help she desperately needed. BM started it, but never finished it (typical) - and she sure as the hell did NOT want my H to know. She was FURIOUS! However, SD really needed the help. Soooooo.....
We live 3 hours away from the skids. So it isn't always possible for my H to meet with the parents. So he does several phone conferences throughout the school year so that he can be in the loop.
It pisses BM off, but who cares.
This was just one of those changes that I "forced" my H to make. Golly gee, I was right about the fact that he HAD to get involved with the teachers and the school. Imagine that. *eye roll*
he sends the teachers an email about once per month to ask for updates. The respond. The emails aren't anything too extensive, but they get the point across. and if there are any issues, my H requests a phone conference. The teachers are actually THRILLED to have parents who care and are very happy to communicate about a child's education.
This is the type of thing I'm
This is the type of thing I'm afraid of .. BM isn't a bad mother, she's just selfish. And because she's in C-school with the Navy, she will have ZERO time to take off if the skids have issues that need handling at school ..
I can see her ignoring issues and not telling DH because she doesn't want him to think she can't handle it .. and then they'll just be our problems to deal with when the skids move back to MD.
Yup. I know exactly what you
Yup. I know exactly what you mean.
*shaking my head*
It'd be a once-a-month email
It'd be a once-a-month email type of thing .. not a weekly phone call unless he becomes aware of serious issues (unlikely). I don't personally think it's unreasoanble .. and it's only a short period of time.
I don't see that much
I don't see that much happening in a four month period so I don't see a problem from the teachers viewpoint. Nor do I see a reason for BM to complain. He's just asking that he be kept up to date on how his kids are doing.
The BM has already shown a unwillingness to co-operate so he has to turn to the only other source of information available. The school itself.
I agree. When they were with
I agree. When they were with her last school year, they missed 13 days in the spring semester alone. Total for the year was 21 days. Allowable amount of missed days in the district is 19, but luckily it was only kindergarden and they were able to get OSD passed on to the 1st grade without issue.
It's THOSE types of things we want to make sure we keep up with. Once they transfer schools, DH will send a certified letter asking for complete copies of all their official records.
Oh it's really not .. it's
Oh it's really not .. it's just that I wonder if it's a common courtesy to ask for the info from the BM first since she's the one there with them actively dealing with their education on a daily basis.
Does that make sense? It's not a matter of asking permission.
When we moved this year to a
When we moved this year to a different state to my ex (bd) I automatically set it up with the school for him to receive reports and any other info like awards etc directly.
BM is an evil, nasty bitch and refuses to pass on any info to my SO regarding his kids, activities, schooling, school awards and concerts, reports etc. So I MADE him (after a year of not knowing anything) go to the school - here in Aus there are forms you fill out with the school requesting copies of all relevant info be sent to the non-custodial parent.
It is not unreasonable, and none of BM's business, if she is so rude as to not pass on any info then it is the only way for the father to stay involved. I wouldn't be asking her, just contact the school and she need never know about it, the school doesn't have to tell her about it anyway.