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BM & DH agree on parenting issues, but you don't

boots415's picture

Submitted by boots415 on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 8:47pm

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Parenting Issues

Is anybody ever in a situation where the BM and DH are ok w/ certain behavior, but you have issues w/ it? Examples: wearing skimpy clothes, watching R rated movies or adult TV shows (not pornos or anything, just shows on regular channels that have lots of sex scenes and bad language). If so, how do you handle it? I mean, they're not your kids, so what right do you have to veto the real parents? However, they DO live in your house.

JEEMudder's picture

Submitted by JEEMudder on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 8:52pm

Yes. DH and BM think it's okay for SD6 to require aid in wiping her butt after a bowel movement. DH claims she is still very young, and BM believes her baby should still get help also... I put my foot down this summer and refused to wipe her bum, and didn't allow DH to either (told him that if she doesn't learn to do it herself, what will happen when she goes to school? Strange teacher wiping SD6's bum didn't sound good to him) and she learned.

My house, my rules. BM doesn't have much say on the rules that are in place in my home, and they apply to all of our children equally.

BuffaloGal's picture

Submitted by BuffaloGal on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 10:05pm

I'd put up a fight, too, if my DH was doing things for his kids that they should and could do themselves. That's called enabling, and it creates a crippled child and a frustrated resentful adult.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 10:12pm

Put up a fight and "allow" are not the same thing.

I don't think I've been "disallowed" to do something since I moved out of my parents' home at 18. I sure as hell wouldn't do it to my HUSBAND! WTH?

BuffaloGal's picture

Submitted by BuffaloGal on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 10:22pm

I just assumed it was hyperbole, like when I say that if my husband leaves his big old steel-toed boots in front of the bathroom door so I trip over them in the dark one more time, I'll wring his neck. (I wouldn't actually do that. I'd poison him. Biggrin )

boots415's picture

Submitted by boots415 on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 9:41pm

I don't mean the kids dress like hoochies. I'm more strict (or more protective, I guess). I'm just talking about shorts that are shorter than what I'd prefer. Nothing too crazy.

boots415's picture

Submitted by boots415 on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 9:46pm

Further explanation: I'm of the mindset that little girls should stay little girls for as long as they can. There's too much sex on tv. SD13 and I were watching a movie on a regular channel, and w/i the first 20 minutes, they showed people having a threesome. This was on a Saturay at 10 am! WTF????

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Sun, 08/19/2012 - 9:55pm

I get your mindset. I happen to agree. However, you can apply your mindset to when/if you have your own children.

BM and SO had sex and made that kid. They (unbelievably!!) agree on parenting issues. Your opinion doesn't count. And I'd HIGHLY recommend you keep it to yourself. The way it would likely play out is:

You push DH to "see/agree" with your opinion. Arguments ensue, as you try to convince him you know better.
He either continues to fight it indefinitely, and now your relationship is defined by fighting over SD/BM.
OR
He finally caves and decides to go with your opinion. Now he cannot/will not be able to convince BM that she needs to change her parenting philosophy to meet that of his new wife.
So... he and BM are constantly fighting which will bleed into your relationship, AND...
now your relationship is defined by fighting over BM/SD.

No good can come of this. Maybe you are/will be a better parent. Maybe not. Who knows? Every kid is different, too.
Parent your kids however you choose. Leave others to parent their own kids.