Long-distance skids, or biokids
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Do any of you have long distance relationships with your kids? Or spouses with your skids?
Skids are leaving for TX on Monday and we will have no physical contact with them for 4 months. Best case scenario, BM will let DH speak on the phone to them 1x a day; although that is HIGHLY unlikely.
Does anyone deal with this type of situation? How do you stay "active" in the skids life and be an involved parent when they're so far away?
I've ordered a few books with advice/suggestions, but they haven't arrived yet.
Yeah, my daughter, 14, has
Yeah, my daughter, 14, has lived with her dad in Michigan for 2 years now. I get to see her when I travel up there (I live in Colorado) and she comes here for the summer.
She and I have an excellent relationship that has just gotten better over the years. I won't go into why I don't have her full time anymore, but I was in an abusive relationship moving around every 6-9 mos and she just couldn't handle moving so much, which I totally get. I'm happy she's happy where she is and is stable, even though I have a stable life now for almost 2 yrs.
We talk on the phone usually every day. Then there's Facebook and email as well. Her dad and I don't talk (he's a moron) and he doesn't involve me in any of her school work or anything so I have to get it all from her.
It's difficult at times, but I cherish every moment I do have with her. And hopefully, if things go right, DH and I will be moving to Virginia next fall, which will be driving distance to MI and I'll be able to spend more time with her.
Since she's older now and more mature than most kids her age, we speak openly and have great communication and honesty. She tells me things she'd never be able to share with her dad or dad's gf.
I wish you luck. It's not easy, but if you keep the lines of communication open any way possible, it's tolerable
Mel
That's definitely encouraging
That's definitely encouraging to hear. The only problem is that my skids are only 4 and 6, so they can't facebook/email/etc. We are so reliant on BM to help facilitate good communication with the kids.
I'm glad to know that distance can exist and destroy a relationship though. Here's hoping BM and her mom don't begin a smear PAS campaign while they skids are with them.
Not skid related.... But my
Not skid related.... But my mom stays involved with my kids using Skype. We Skype with her once a week, sometimes more, so my kids don't forget about her. We only see her a few times a year and my son has never been shy around her because he sees her on the computer so frequently.
Talking on the phone is hard for small kids to focus on. They get distracted by what's going on around them, the Skype really help that they can see you.
I totally agree about the
I totally agree about the focus thing. I set up a Skype account for the skids to contact BM through (didn't want her knowing mine). She was able to Skype with them 2-3x a week while she was in TX (before the girls move there).
I just seriously doubt she will give that kind of access or availability to DH. It sucks trying to communicate with a 4yo and 6yo when the other parent is flat out uncooperative.
Because your skids are so
Because your skids are so young, you really are at BM's mercy. Does the CO address contact? If not, then there's really nothing you can do.
Hopefully you can Skype with them once in awhile. (Daily calls might be a bit much.) Again, though, only if BM allows it.
Sorry, there's really not much you can do.
The CO is not specific enough
The CO is not specific enough to address daily conversations; it only says "reasonable access". Judges and mediators have both told BM that in our state this is usually interpreted to mean once a day communication. BM, of course, disagrees.
When she's local, she usually gives DH a 15 minute window (6:oopm to 6:15pm) to call. If he misses that window (because he's normally at work), he can't call. If she's busy during that window and can't answer the phone, he can't call back. Calling outside of that time frame except for emergencies constitutes harrassment (to her).
So yeah, that's what we deal with when she's LOCAL. I can only imagine what it will be now.
Yeah in my case, I have the
Yeah in my case, I have the ex husband telling my daughter "if your mom REALLY loved and cared about you the way she says she does, she'd move to Michigan to be closer to you instead of always living so far away and making you miss out on time with your friends all summer".
I'm just glad my daughter knows me and knows how much I love her and yeah, I would move to MI if I had the option, but DH and I are both wanting to live in a new place, where neither of our families reside and that happens to be Virginia. My daughter LOVES Virginia, as we've lived there twice and she said when she graduates high school, she's going to move in with us! YAY!
And just mere hours after posting the above statement, my daughter turns the tables on me and says I'm being selfish for not wanting to move back to MI and be with her for her high school years...UGH
SD16 was 6 when DH and BM
SD16 was 6 when DH and BM split for the final time. DH called her every week, drove 15 hours to see her every long weekend, made sure to call when he was deployed. Between the ages of 6 and 10, he was totally a Disney Dad who kept his hookups away from his precious girl.
And then... I guess he was hit by lightning or something, because we met and married within 4 months. I'll admit; the first couple years after we married, I was going NUTS with the Disney BS. But we settled it all down, and SD16 actually LIKES our rules-following, early-bedtime, sit-down-together-for-dinner household.