Skid brings about depression
I am new here so this is all unfamiliar territory to me however I would love some advice. My fiance and I have been dating for 2 years now and he has a daughter that's 5. She stays with us during summer months as well as a week of 2 in December and April. My issue, I don't have any big problems with my future sd except for the fact that when I hear her voice or see her face sometimes my whole demeaner changes. This can be in the presence of my fiance or not. I can be planning things for us to do and really excited about them and the moment they time comes and my future sd gets involved, I all of a sudden feel like just going to bed. I tolerate what I have to because I love my fiance and wouldn't choose anyone else. But this feeling is putting a strain on our relationship amongst other things. Any advice??
My opinion is that feeling of
My opinion is that feeling of dread/apprehension about the step kid(s) (generally step daughter) never goes away. Once the feeling of dread/apprehension takes hold of you it generally just gets worse and worse. I have that sinking feeling about a 32yo daughter of my SO. She is a crazy child, and my relationship may be doomed because of her. Even though we broke up two times because of her, her daddy still thinks she is perfect. As we are not even married, I explained to him when his daughter does somethng evil to me, she is really just expressing her hatred for her daddy. He agreed. However she is 32 yo, and he is still a disney dad who raised his daughter without limitations on her behavior, so I become nauseous at the thought of her, and seriously cannot imagine being married to him, because what if she did something evil to me while married to him, and his normal weak response was, It is your problem, you talk to her, she stole your stuff, not my stuff, etc...
It's just gotten worse with
It's just gotten worse with me with time. It's not due to the SD though as much as the BM, but the BM has strained the relationship with not only me but her father also.
I think it's best to just try and make it to where you have the relationship set up to where it is easiest on you. You may disengage and just sit back and let her bio dad take care of her or you may want to be a part of her life like a older mentor.
my ss15 makes me feel weird
my ss15 makes me feel weird too, not depressed just kinda off, so I have found ways to avoid him and I think now that he;s older and spends 95 % of his time in his own room sure helps. he lives with us FULL time tho so we have worked out a "dance" of him only coming downstairs for meals and then when I am at work I think that's when he plays his xbox the most. He disappears when I get home. School is nice and he's in football and other sports so that helps alot. There is NO good answer to how you can deal with her other then during the times she is with you maybe offer your boss to work over time or maybe go for a week vacation with a girl friend, or go to visit family, or just hang out in your room and watch tv most of the time. Don't babysit her or take her places, if your SO wants to plan things let him take her and you do something else. In our home DH does things with his boys and I do things with mine. Rarely we mix. In two weeks we are driving 2 hours one way to a family reunion for DH and all of our boys are coming along and it's going to be tough for me, but I do it b/c it's expected. But while there I know I won't see ss15 b/c he'll be off with his cousins, me and my boys will hang out together at the lake. Ss15 is staying in a room with his grandma and my boys in a room with DH and me, soooo it'll be endurable!
Yes, I'd say if you are absolutely in love with your SO and want to stay with him, make these small changes, just be very BUSY when she's around. Don't make a big deal of her being there, just ignore her mostly.
I don't know if that helps you, but that's how I have endured my ss's. It's hard but it's doable!