advice for stepmother
Please give me some advice on how to deal with stepdaughters, 13 and 14 years old. I live with their father for more than a year. They came for vacation a week ago. I noticed the 14 years old is jealous of me. Thay don;t know I'm oficially his father's girlfriend , and he won't tell them. They are sleeping in our room. Im sleeping in the love seat, her father on the sofa. I wake up early morning to do breakfast and everything, I'm the one taking care of them. Last night I wanted to sleep, It was midnight and I have to wake up early to go to work. As soon as his daughter saw me take the pillow and the blanket she laid down at the loveseat . I sat at the sofa where my boyfriend was sleeping. He woke up and went to sleep at the floor and ask his daughter to go sleep with him. She said she was watching videos at youtube and she didnt want to sleep.I tried to sleep at the sofa, but she put the videos louder, when she went to the bathroom, I told her father I wanted to sleep that I was tired, all he said was, that they were on vacation and I had to learn how to deal with it, That if there was no room for me to sleep and they want to watch tv, I'll have to wait until they go to sleep because they were the only ones with rights at the apartment. My son and I pay two thirds of the rent, electricity and water, he only pays one third and that's it. And he tells me that can't make decisions at the apartment. I forgot to mention, when he's not present she is totally different with me, rude, attitude. I just try to keep a smile and let it go, but I wonder when enough is really enough. This is not the life I want for the rest of my life.
"This is not the life I want
"This is not the life I want for the rest of my life."
What makes you think it will change after you're a "official girlfriend".
Trust all of us it will only get worse. What if that "loose" arrangement changes to where Dad keeps the kids all the time except a few weekends or even one single short summer visit a year in a distant city?
Or what if the mother dies, ends up totally disabled or in a mental hospital? All of these things happen and when you date a man with children you must be prepared to become the sole mother in the lives of children who may very well hate your guts.
Until you're prepared to do that you must limit your dating to childless men or none at all.
Thx to all of you. I know I
Thx to all of you. I know I have to take him out of my life.The kids are not a problem for me as long as the man give me my space. I tried to talk to him , and last night he told them to go to sleep early, his daughter said no, that she was on vacation and she doesn't go to sleep at 11. He insisted and take them to the room and close the door. She was mad. Then he told me he knows that sometimes he does things wrong, but he doesn't want to make them feel bad and not come back. His mother told him that he has to educate his children (he told me that) I think he told her what happened and she said I was the one that was right. (It surprised me because she doen't like me too much).
Another thing, yesterday she use a perfume that he gave me as a present, and he said he got ir for me on his last trip. His daughter got so mad, and tell him, huh, you got it for her? why? why didn't you get me one....blah,blah,blah. He just said that I help a lot with his work and I deserve it. They've been here for six days, he has spent almost 2000 dollars on them, and she complaints about a 50 dollasr perfume he got for me.
excuse my typos, English is
excuse my typos, English is not my first language, and I'm hiding and typing fast...
Oh hell no! They have all the
Oh hell no! They have all the rights?!?! YOU pay the majority there and THEY get to do whatever they want! I don't f'ing think so! I would politely ask her the first time, then I wouldn't be so nice if they didn't listen. My SD16 hasn't ever really been flat out rude to me, but she bitches about me to her BM and sister. I don't give a crap! When she is doing something like staying up late, I ask my DH to say something first, then I do if she ignores him. They have to know they are not the f'ing boss!
But, if he's doing and saying that to you now, it will never change! You will constantly fight him over crap like this! It doesnt sound like you are too invested yet, RUN LIKE THE DAMN WIND!!!!!! get another roommate, pay it all yourself, whatever ut takes, its so much better to get out now and not later after you have invested so much time and effort, and money!!!
I'm sorry but I'd get out of
I'm sorry but I'd get out of that relationship and quick. He's not going to change, the kids will only get worse and you'll get the short end of the stick (if there's even anything LEFT of the stick for you at all).
I married my DH and we have an awesome relationship, minus his 14 yr old monster. Thank God she's staying with her mother right now and they haven't spoken much over the last few months. She's a spoiled snot and I can't stand her and she makes my life a living Hell when she's at our home. I only married him because we truly have the best relationship I could ask for and he is willing to put his foot down with the kid. She's rebelling now that he's set boundaries and rules so she's at her mom's...
Good luck but I honestly see it just getting worse for you.
Run....
Run....